The Maltese have one famous 'short story' that tells us about a very famous Italian man who went to Malta : Sources indicate that he was the only ever tourist to visit the island, but these may be inconclusive. The story runs:
One a day I'm gonna to Malta to big a hotel. In a morning I got down to eat a breakfast. I tell a waitress: "I wanna two pieces of toast." She brings me only one piece. I tell her: "I wanna two piece." She says: "Go to the toilet." I say: "You don't understand? I wanna two piece in my plate." She says: "You better no piss in a plate, you son of a bitch!" I don't even know the lady and she call me son of a bitch.
Later. I go to eat to a bigger restaurant. The waitress brings me the spoon, the knife but no fork. I tell her: "I wanna the fork." She tells me: "Everybody wanna fuck." I tell her: "You don't understand? I wanna the fork at the table." She says: "You better not fuck at the table you son of a bitch!"
So I go back to my room in a hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. Call the manager. I tell him: "I wanna sheet." He tell me: "To go to the toilet." I say: "You don't understand? I wanna sheet on a bed." He says: "You better not shit on my bed you son of a bitch." I go to the check out and the man at the desk said: "Peace on you!" I said: "Piss on you too, you son of a bitch." I'm gonna back to Italia,