Discussion » Nonsense » My appearance

  • pommie
    pommie wrote:
    <p>I’ve never particularly liked my appearance. It’s just nothingness, a blob of grey, plain as rain. I once dreamt that dissident Chinese artist Ai Weiwei, enflamed at my criticism of his latest project, painted a grotesque caricature of me. Apart from having my elephantine ears cruelly exaggerated the rest of my face was a blank. Even my unfettered subconscious cannot imagine how my appearance could become more interesting. Good looking men are often described as “chiselled”, my face looks more like it has been stirred up with a stick. Strangely though, I’m actually quite vain. It was after several weeks of using aftersun regularly that I had to admit to myself that I was moisturising. I’m quite sure the insanely expensive face creams that women buy are all just the same gloop in different bottles but if I thought for a moment any of them actually worked I’d be round the Bank of Beijing for a loan then slathered up like a cross-channel swimmer. I think the difference between men and women is that men aren’t supposed to talk about their appearance. It’s one thing to have a favourite type of hydrating face cream but if I heard a man talk about it down the pub I’d have my back to the wall in no time. Strange really considering the only reason to make yourself look better is to Fuck More Women. Even one would be nice. All the good-looking women I know have self esteem issues. By that I mean they have far too much self esteem to have sex with me. I always wondered what happens when you get older. Is the age of women you are attracted to supposed to rise with your own? Doesn’t seem to have happened for me. I mean, it has since primary school – you won’t get me that easily! I’m actually fairly sure we live in a world of dirty old men – that is the male sex’s Big Dirty Secret. I remember my old CDT teacher wanted to take artistic photos of an attractive female friend of mine. Unfortunately, we were 17 at the time and very much aware of the process of wanking. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind what Mr Kemp would’ve used those photographs for. Now I’m a bit older I can sympathise with the man. Teaching is a pretty thankless task and the lurid masturbation fantasies that would arise after a day lording it over teenage girls much be one of the few perks. There are some fierce good-looking girls on this site aren’t there? I wonder how the owners managed it. The really pretty ones must get loads of filthy messages but they never take down their picture, do they? It’s extraordinary how vain women are. Mind you, I have a favourite type of hydrating face cream so I guess I’m not one to talk. Have you ever looked at a real proper dating site? The pathos is palpable – like a child’s balloon floating off into the sky or a fat girl in a ballerina costume. “All the lonely people, where do they all belong” sang the Beatles though these days the answer would be obvious – on a dating site with a list of impossible demands. If I could look like anyone it would probably be a young Cary Grant or possibly Damon Albarn so as not to look like a guy out of the 50s. They say a man’s face gains character with age. I once put my photo onto a website that shows you what you will look like in ten years. It was horrifying. I bet a large percentage of marriages are spurred by a man realising he’s losing his hair. When he realises his options are shrinking with his hairline it’s time to grab what he can and hold onto it. I’m fierce camera shy. They say the camera never lies but they certainly can be bloody rude. Chinese people love having their photo taken don’t they? Even young children will jump in front of the camera of random strangers. I heard the reason Chinese men use hairdryers is because they believe if they go outside with wet hair they will catch a cold. I think it’s just an excuse to spend ten more minutes staring in the mirror. Last time I went to my gym there was a Chinese man standing naked in front of a full-length mirror staring at his reflection and giving his penis an occasional poke. You’d’ve thought he’d’ve made acquaintance with it during the frantic years of puberty. I dream that one day I’ll be able to grow decent facial hair and cover my weak chin. A bonus would be if by that time goatees are no longer the preferred look of the convicted child molester. There is hope. </p>
  • Pavoir Sponse
    Pavoir Sponse wrote:

    I'd still do you

  • Pavoir Sponse
    Pavoir Sponse wrote:

    Pomegranate has been very honest here and that way often lies insight.

    I see no issue of a man using face creams, but having a favourite brand, I agree, is probably too much for many men to bear.

    One of the good things about being a man, is that having great looks never seems to matter that much. Being a funny, or intelligent, having cash, or even being a complete bastard all seem to attract women at times.

  • Simen Wangberg

    This is the best thread in the history of this webs.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    Needz moar beard.

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