Discussion » Nonsense » Fuck, Marry, Kill

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    This game's easy. You're given a list of three people. You have to fuck one, marry one, and kill one. No exceptions. Explanation is optional.

    Whomever you choose to fuck, you get to fuck one time, and that's it.

    Whomever you choose to marry, you do not get to fuck. Ever.

    Whomever you choose to kill, assume they will be totally obliterated, and there will be no corpse left over to fuck or marry.


    Give your answer and perhaps an explanation. Make sure you offer three people for the next person.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    First group: Hillary Clinton, Rasputin, David Bowie

  • pommie
    pommie wrote:

    Nobody fucks Rasputin.

  • Mari Vidste
    Mari Vidste wrote:

    Nice, Dando!

    You obviously fuck David Bowie,and happily reach around. But you send him to his closet for his ziggy stardust gear first. that's a must.

    You marry Rasputin, cause you definitely don't want to fuck that dude, but he's nice to have around as kind of a wing man.

    You kill that bitch Hillary Clinton and you kill her slow, and you start by digging out her voice box with a dull blade.

    Next group: Mel Gibson, Madonna, MIchael Jackson

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    I'd probably marry Michael Jackson, because he seemed like a nice enough fellow who would spread happy, positive vibes.

    Fuck Madonna (of course) and kill Mel "Mad Max" Gibson.

    Stalin would probably make for great bedtime conversation (marry), I'd sleep with Pamela Anderson and kill Bush.

    Here's my list:

    Cui Jian
    Ed Gein
    Peter Griffin

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    Aw man that's rough, Pete.


    Kill Peter Griffin. That frees up Lois, but she'll probably end up with Brian on the rebound. Anyway, it'd be physically impossible to fuck that fat fuck and marrying him would get old fast. He works in a toy factory. That's almost as bad as English teaching.

    Fuck Ed Gein. Just to get it over with. Check to make sure he's not tucking it back first, because everyone knows that it's only gay if balls are touching.

    Marry Cui Jian. Dude probably hosts good parties.


    Next: Shigeru Miyamoto, the '85 Bears, and Anne Frank

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    Marry Miyamoto
    Conversation and creativty would abound

    Kill the '85 Bears
    I don't think that I could handle banging an entire football team (although killing them would only be marginally easier)

    Fuck Anne Frank
    Before or after her "experience?" Both would be unsavory, but we're just out of options

    Emily Dickenson, Snooki, Chiaki Kuriyama

  • Mari Vidste
    Mari Vidste wrote:

    Oh my God! Easing into the dog-faced, mega-brained virgin Emily Dickinson through a hole in her floral print summer dress in the garden grass behind her Amherst mansion would satisfy my fuck lust better than a thousand nights in Sultan Selim's imperial harem. 

    Snooki? Chiaki Kuriyama? wtf? I don't know these people, and i'm far too lazy to google unfamiliar names to play this game.


    Jesse Jackson

    Joan Rivers

    George Costanza

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    I strongly dislike Jesse Jackson, so I wouldn't mind mashing him into a million little pieces and pissing on his remains.

    Easily marry Costanza, considering he's one funny dude. And that leaves a rather-unsavory fuck session with Joan Rivers.

    Gross. Where's Anne Frank when you need her?

    So, uh, the next round of easily-recognizable people:

    • Sarah Palin
    • Charlie Brown
    • Mr. Miagi



  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    I find Nixon fascinating; he's definitely marriage material, but I imagine he'd be ornery at times. 

    Kill Coleman because he doesn't seem all that interesting.

    And I've never slept with a cartoon clown before.

    Tila Tequila, Sloth from the Goonies and Dando Z.

  • Simen Wangberg

    Damn, Pete. That's a tough one. As much as I want to kill Tila Tequila (KILL IT WITH FIRE) I don't want to fuck either of the other two (no offense, Dando. Wait, why am I apologizing?)

    Fuck Tila (TO DEATH)

    Kill Sloth :-(

    Marry Dando :-D

    next group: Billy Mays, Janet Reno and Bill Murray.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    I'm glad Mike fielded that one.


    Kill Billy Mays and OxiClean the crime scene.

    Fuck Janet Reno just to prove something. I dunno what.

    Marry Bill Murray.


    Meme edition: Chuck Norris, Vladmir Putin, Lady Gaga

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    小莫,you didn't read the rules. You can't make up your own...

    Kill chuck norris. why? Because then you're the man who killed the man so fast he could run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

    Marry Putin.

    Fuck Gaga. And then have Putin kill her.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    I think making Putin jealous would be dangerous.

    Rack up the next set, Mo.

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    Oh my bad, sorry I forgot the rules too.

    But first, a word on Chuck Norris. "A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there."

    I give you Pete DeMoya, Victoria, and Sun (where ever he may be).

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    I killed Sun after I slept with Victoria.

  • Simen Wangberg

    Uhhh. Someone else have a shot at that, I don't even know who Victoria is. I remember Sun was annoying as shit, but sometimes amusing. Pete's an okay dude, I've heard.

  • Simen Wangberg

    Ripped from today's headlines:

    Sarah Palin

    Hamid Karzai


  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:

    Fuck:  Jessica Alba....  I do not think I need to explain why

    Marry: Hillary Clinton...  Because she just cares about power and success, so that would take pressure off of me and I would never be required to haev sex with her haha.

    Kill: President Bush... I do not even want to say anything bad about the man... he said enough for most of us to know why... just want to incinerate this guy.

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    Hahaha Kodi, despite that you completely ignored Mike's options, I have to wholeheartedly agree with your choices.

  • Mari Vidste
    Mari Vidste wrote:

    I guess i wouldn't mind some rear access on Palin during a speech to some Conservative think tank, provided the c-span cameras are there.

    Tying the knot with Karzai might not be so bad given his access to the local drug produce,

    Then, if "Li'l Kim" is that dirty little gangster skank I'm thinking of, setting up my mics and tossing her in an empty dumpster from a few floors up might make a nice sample...

    Don King

    David Hasselhoff


  • Simen Wangberg

    Jesus Christ, dude. Fuck it, I'll bite.


    Fuuuuuuck...fuck. These are all weird. I'm gonna go with fuck Spiderman, just cos maybe he could do some kinky shit with those web shooter things. Good lord.

    Kill David Hasselhoff. I mean, I don't know...actually he's brought a lot of joy into my life. But so has Don King's hair. Plus it can't hurt to be married to a top-flight lawyer. Or is he even that highly regarded anymore? What is that fucker doing these days?

    And yeah, Sarah Palin is pretty fine. Actually, to me, she is ridiculously good-looking. I would hate-fuck her into a fine red mist. Yiiiiiikes, I just said that.

  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:

    HAHA I have a story about David Hasselhoff dude.... 

    Me and my good friend Jason Macky were sitting in the hotel lobby of the Royal Princess Lilioukelani Hotel in Waikiki waiting for some girls and we were stoned off our asses.  Guess who stroles out of the elevator looking sharp with his silk shirt open and his chest hair and salon perfect hair flowing in the breeze haha.... He was strolling along like John Travolta walked in Saturday night fever and then he trips up on a rug right in front of us.... (maybe Macky stuck his foot out), but anyway he makes a recovery and looked straight at us as he knew we totally saw him trip and he snaps both of his fingers and pointed at us like he was top gun or something and he said....."Yeah baby"  HAHAHAHA!  Fuck that was such a funny moment!  We just busted out laughing... Obviously the ganja had something to do with that, but it would have made us laugh anyway because he looked so funny and we all know the feeling when we make an ass of ourselves and we know people saw it.

  • Simen Wangberg

    "HAHA I have a story about David Hasselhoff dude.... "

    Funny thing - when I saw the 'Hoff's name mentioned, I thought about spilling my own story about encountering him, but yours is way better than mine.

    I ran into him at the Sistine Chapel - my sister was getting married in Italy and she flew us out there. He had a couple of Secret Service-esque dudes with him; they asked my sister to turn off her camcorder. Wacky!

  • Simen Wangberg

    Also, three new ones, rock star edition:

    Iggy Pop

    Kim Deal (bassist for The Pixies)

    Rob Halford

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