Discussion » Nonsense » Are You an Alcoholic?

  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?

    No...I can drink and work at the same time. Actually, student papers tend to get better scores when I mark them over a few beers.

    2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?

    Quite the opposite.

    3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?

    No...I'm pretty fucking far from shy.

    4.Is drinking affecting your reputation?

    I don't really know how to answer this. People know I drink, yes. But my reputation is not a bad one.

    5.Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?

    20 years ago. Most of the people I shit on when I'm drunk these days deserve it.

    6.Have you ever gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?

    Are you kidding? I live in China. Apparently, beer is cheaper than orange juice.

    7. Do you turn to lower companions and a lower enviornment when drinking?

    No...I do that when I'm smoking crack.

    8.Does drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?

    Family? Oh yeah, them. I haven't really thought about it much.

    9. Has your ambition decreased since you started drinking?

    Not at all. I started drinking when I was 12. At that time, I just wanted to travel, get laid and not be poor. My dreams are much bigger now. For example, I hope I can extend my wok visa.

    10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time?

    7:00 PM.

    11. Do you want a drink the next morning?

    Absolutely not. Drinking during the day is an activity reserved for rock festivals.

    12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty sleeping?

    No. Not drinking causes me to have difficulty sleeping.

    13. Has your efficiency decreased since you started drinking?

    Being that I started drinking when I was 12, I'd actually say it has improved.

    14. Is drinking jeprodizing your job or business?

    There are a million things jeprodizing my job. Drinking is not one of them.

    15. Do you sometimes drink to escape worries or trouble?

    Of course. Who doesn't?

    16. Do you drink alone?

    I spend most of my time alone. Who else am I supposed to drink with?

    17. Have you ever experienced memory loss as as a result of drinking?

    Well, yes, but most of those incidents occured 20 years ago. In the last 5 years, it has only happened twicw. Once was a result of irresponsible baijiu use, and the other was due to eating a mystery pill after sharing two 26 ounce bottles of Kazak brandy with some European friends. It wasn't my fault. These things happen.

    18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?

    I have a physician?

    19. Do you drink to build up your self confidence?

    No, watching the ex-pat douchebags at Pyro playing beer pong is enough to boost my self confidence.

    20.Have you ever been to a hospital or institution as a result of drinking?

    Mine or someone else's? That isn't really clear.

    If you answered yes to one of these questions, you may be an alcoholic. If you answered yes to two, you are probably an alcoholic. If you answered yes to three, you are definitely an alcoholic.
  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:
    Hahaha. Good one.

    I won't even get into how flimsy and unscientific this test is (it does not include room for context, for example), but putting that aside for the sake of humor, there needs to be a distinction between 3/20 (Definite Alcoholic) and 20/20.

    What happens if you score 20 out 20? Is that like, Top Score Super Alcoholic?
  • Rebecca Dreiling
    I totally agree with #11. Drinking during the day always seems like a great idea, until 2pm rolls around and you need a serious siesta. Rock festivals however, are the exception to the rule because when you run out of energy, Mr. Joe Spasm Air Guitar's energy is enough to keep you alive.
  • Rebecca Dreiling
    You're kind of making me wish I was Muslim. It would have saved me from about 500 hangovers and 10 black outs. Not to mention a ton of money and a healthy relationship with my dignity.

    Wait...I'm starting to sound like an alcoholic.
  • Marte Joahansen
    Speechless..."refusal to comment makes u a 'chronic' alcoholic.

    i'm still within the acute phase anyways..

    Hello wlib..my name is Clev. I'm an Alcoholic

    "Hello Cleeeeeeeevvvvv!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:
    I think Muslims would lighten up if they had a drink once in a while.

    *runs and hides*
  • 哎呀
    哎呀 wrote:
    17. Have you ever experienced memory loss as a result of drinking?

    Never, but pretend to suffer memory loss many times...
  • Iain Bonner
    Iain Bonner wrote:
    ha funny, and ridiculous test.

    Pete, should you ban your own comment ?

    Muslims, let fly at Pete ! let out that repressed alcoholic urge !

    *steps back into shadows*
  • Åse Marie Strand
    OMG. This is gold. Nice one.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    Hahahaha ... I have all these without alcohol ...

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