Discussion » Nonsense » Sequal to the last thread "He Is Not That Into You

  • Nicole
    Nicole wrote:
    My girl friend's story developed to this stage: after the guy said, "Can we take it slow? I'm not sure that I'm looking for a relationship. I'm too busy..." She decided not to see him any more. But right now they are still in contact with each other. They go to this book club together twice a week (they planned to do this before they slept together). My girl friend told me that she felt awkward around him sometimes. She also felt embarrassed to ask him directly what is going on here.
    So is he really that busy? or not that into her?
    * I asked my girl friend's permission to post this here. So those who want to judge me can stop.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    What is the time line? You said they went on 4 days... over how long a period? And how long has it been since he decided to take it slow?
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Four dates over about three weeks. It has only been one week since he decided to take it slow.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Well... maybe she changed somehow too? After they had sex, maybe she became super clingy and he realized that she was crazy and so didn't want to see her too often anymore.

    Hard to say when you only know one side of the story. Sounds like a typical player type guy who doesn't make his intentions clear until after sex, but you never know... really, I think a lot of girls don't like to talk about stuff like that but she should just ask him if he dated her just to sleep with her.

    Then again, I guess it won't matter... if he said he wants to take it slow then at least he is trying to spare her feelings. Otherwise he'd just kick her to the curb and ignore her completely.

    It sucks that men misrepresent themselves to get sex. It's so unnecessary... you can get just as much sex if not more so by just being honest about yourself.
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Jon, what is your point?
    My opinion is, "take it slow" and "i'm not sure that I'm looking for a relationship" are contradictory. "Take it slow" means you would still want a relationship but just take more time to know each other. But "not looking for a relationship" is a breakup line.
    I would just say, "Screw the guy, girl, move on!"
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    "Well... maybe she changed somehow too? After they had sex, maybe she became super clingy and he realized that she was crazy and so didn't want to see her too often anymore."

    Jon, good point! That could be it!
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Yeah you're quite right. "Not looking for relationship" doesn't have to mean a break up though either.... did he say "Right now?" as in "I'm not looking for a relationship.... right now?" If so... she might be on the hook! hahaha
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    I guess that he said, "now". Why is she still on the hook? Shall I encourage her to ask the guy directly? But if I were her, I would also feel embarrassed to ask.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Well the real question is, what is she looking for? Long term relationship? Casual relationship?

    Like I said earlier though, it doesn't matter whether she asks or not. Guys are generally pretty good at coming up with dodgy bullshit answers to avoid defining the relationship.

    Maybe she should just back off him for a while.... she can't really trust the words he says since he is giving mixed signals, so she can just relax, take some time, and observe what he does.
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Jon, you are like a relationship expert. :-)
    I let my girl friend read your comments. She quite agreed with what you said. She admitted that she did show signs of being super clingy and crazy about him. You know, like always wanting to see him again as soon as possible; sending sweet messages, etc. Well, what can I say? She has been in a sexual vacancy for four months. She felt super excited when she met someone who she could really talk to.
    Now she asks, can she explain to him that she is not a clingy or crazy person? She really doesn't want him to think of her like that even though they could only be friends.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    What Saibo says is the truth. About the gold and diamonds that is. I went to his house before... no toilet paper! You don't need toilet paper when you shit metal I suppose...
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Saibo, you've got a good point here too. Yeah, he has time for book club twice a week, but no time for relationship? That is odd. Sure, relationship requests more attention and affection. But I don't think a good relationship would affect your work or study. It will only make you feel more confident and happier.
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Saibo, true enough. My girl friend feels really awkward around him. She wants to quit, but somehow he still keeps her on a string...
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Your friend thinks that 4 months is a sexual vacancy? Jesus Christ, can I meet this girl? 4 months is not that long! hahaha I didn't have sex for 2 years after my last serious girlfriend.

    Seriously though... why does she feel awkward? Because they are trying to pretend like nothing happened?
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Jon, hahaha~ that's funny!
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    4 months is freaking long! Two years without sex? You kidding! Jon, hope your winner doesn't get fossilified!
    I guess that they are trying to pretend like nothing happened. They used to have a lot to talk about, but now awkward to have a good conversation.
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Jon, sorry, hope that I didn't offend you...
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Yeah, don't piss me off or I will shoot you! hahaha... my counter is at 3 weeks right now so I think I will live, at least for now!

    Not really sure what to say at this point. It's rare to find a guy who will behave this way unless he 1) found another girl, 2) he was really just using her, but it doesn't really sound like that either, or 3) your friend is really really awful at sex!
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    How long is this guy in town for? It is hard to have a meaningful relationship with someone who is leaving or is not sure how long they will stay in China. I have met many guys who shut themselves off from developing real relationships in China because they have no long term plans to stay in China.

    Clingyness is also a turn off and there is no way you can explain that you are not clingy. You just have to not be clingy.
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    Thanks guys! Yeah, it's true that clingyness is a turnoff.
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    But how can a guy so easily push a girl away just because she shows signs of clingyness? Can't he give her more time and know her better?
    Kodi, you mean, if a guy is turned off, that's it, end of the story?
  • Truls Skaalbones
  • Åshild Camilla Lande Berge
    @Cheap Thrills, what the heck?

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