Discussion » Beijing Life » What If Your Family Doesn't Like Your Fiance?

  • Peter S 李贝勒
    Peter S 李贝勒 wrote:
    Chinese girls! What If Your Family Doesn't Like Your Fiance? foreigner? chinese?
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    Hahahaha ... I was going to talk about this from personal experience, but then, no one likes to know, right?

    Just a basic analysis then ...

    It depends on how the girl judges the opinion of the family Vs her own gut feeling, (at least) three possibilities:

    1. Some girls are very obedient to her parents, so she will listen to the parents, and chose to split up

    2. Some girls would be objective, and advice her BF/fiance accordingly, hoping that he would make some changes to be more "likeable"

    3.  Some girls are just rebellious, and ignore what her family says

    The general behaviour is quite independent of the race or ethnicity of the girl ... I have seen/heard western girls who behaved like case (1).

    Does this answer your question?


  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    Speaking only from experience ... marriage (and relationship) without the support of the families, would not last very long.

    I was with my ex GF for 3+ years ... at the beginning, my mother was still in HK and everything was peachy, but after she moved to Sydney, my ex often argued about everything my mother did, and that made it difficult ...

    My mother loves my wife, but a little cultural crash was unavoidable, for example, small things like eating habits etc ... and now that we are in Beijing, quite often my in-laws would complain about me, and my wife had to explain to them that things like having dinner at 9pm is because she has to work late, not because I come home late...

    And these are only minor things ...


  • Janet Peng
    Janet Peng wrote:

    Fiance, who supposed to be the person that I choose to spend the rest of my life together with. I dont see any reasons that I would give up him only because my parents, friends or any other relatives don't like him.

    Parents and friends could give me suggestions, but those will not affect my decision to stay with this guy.

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    Simple. If your parents disappove of your finance, threaten to ship them to an old folk's home, cut off their pocket change and deny them an apple-cheeked baby boy.

  • Tian 王倚天

    I wouldn't propose to someone without gaining approval from my parents first, just because my parents hold a successful marriage. I don't think I would marry someone my parents didn't like.

    Unless you're parents are totally mental, I think it bares significant weight.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    There is really no fixed rule about this ...

    The traditional Chinese values (yes, I know most of you are probably sick and tired of me saying this) says that one is expected to listen to (and even obey) the people who had provided food and shelter when he/she grew up ... whether it be parents, uncle/auntie, grandparents, adopted parents, or even older brother/sister ... otherwise, this is considered filial (just learnt this new word today, hurray!) or at least disrespectful

    For the past decades, a lot of Chinese girls (Hong Kong especially) are getting more and more career-oriented and independent (e.g. my dear wife), but there is still a population who grew up with strong bond to the parents and/or elders in the family ... and these girls will do according to what was told, even if they dont like it, because the elders are (well) older, and hence supposed to be wiser ...

    So, for the fiance (or BF) in question, my suggestion is that he needs to understand how his (Chinese) future-wife values her family's opinion, and if she does not want to continue the relationship, respect her decision ... or if there is any possibilty to open a channel for communication, do it ...


  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    Just out of curiousity, if your wife is so "dear" to you, then why do you spend so much of your time shamelessly flirting with girls 1/2 your age on this website? Honest question.

  • Peter S 李贝勒
    that s cool men to have ur opinions and experiences, but i d like to know what s the point of view of chinese girls???
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    Pete, another great question ... just my way of mingling, I guess ...

    Pierre, glad to be of service ... will come back later to see if there is anything else I can help ...



  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:

    unfortunately a lot chn. parents (especially those coming from the countryside) see their children as their economic future and raise their kids by brainwash them that all what they do for the kids are investment so they can have a good future.

    a friend of mine is having such a dilema, her parents demand him to buy a flat in Beijing so they all incl. the parents can live in it together. Otherwise she should look for another love. What a holy bullshit!! It is her own future so she should decide for herself, the only thing parents can do is to help her see things more clear and objective.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    Agreed ... this happened often in Hong Kong back in the 50's and 60's, seemed to be far less often since 70's ... but right now it is happening across China and perhaps for a few more decades ... i.e. until the poor can have a better life and dont need to get their house by "selling" their daughters

  • NN
    NN wrote:

    1st I dont have fiance,so this situation did not happen on my family

    2nd in case I do have a fiance,my family do not like him,then I will need to check if it is his problem or their problem,or both have the problems.For everybody,what they can do is do an investigation to get some ideas to solve out probelms,remove bomb.If your fiance is really so into you,then why not make some efforts to change the situation better?If your family is really care about your future,your happiness,then why not change their mind better?Does this make sense?Agree ya?Just to have some confidences and take pains,also make some efforts,to achieve one target together.


  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:

    I would tell them to go f themselves. What my family thinks of my personal decisions means nothing to me.

  • 馨柔
    馨柔 wrote:

    i will just marry him and go living in beijing ;p

    dunt care of  anyone

Please login to post a reply to this thread.


WeLiveInBeijing.com is a social community for people living in or traveling to Beijing.

Powered by: Bloc