Discussion » Nonsense » How to Say "No"

  • 残乐
    残乐 wrote:

    I don't know how to say no to others since I was a child~ Esp. when someone I don't like ask me for a date. I always think girls are sensitive, your rejection may hurt them a lot. so... I have to hurt myself to please others.

    While now because I like to make friends, like to talking to different kinds of person, my weekend was fully occupied by partys, dinners.. and others' weddings.... 

    Actually I already have a very busy job, my work really made me feel exhausted. Still I have to deal with all the invitations in the weekend... Really don't know how to solve the problem.

    Does someone have the similar problem with me, and how do you get out of this dilemma~~~(on one hand, you trying to let others feel they are welcome to you, on the other hand, you are dying to have your own space/time)


  • Aysegul Esmer
    Aysegul Esmer wrote:

    try to say that u have another date :P
    i mean lie haha lol
    or just say no :D

  • Nancy
    Nancy wrote:

    i can fully understand your feeling. after an exhausting week's work, we just need some time in the weekend to relax ourselves but not staying in the noisy parties or pubs....

    if you really want to go to such parties, i mean you are not forced to go with the reason that you dont want to offend others or turn down their invitation, absolutely you should go.

    but if you go just because you dont wanna refuse, dont wannt say no, then i have one thing to tell you: there will be numerous parties in our daily lives. missing one party does not mean you lose all friends.

    Tell them that you are really fully occupied in the week days, you need your own space to relax. Friends should be considerate at this moment. and sometimes, white lies are necessary. what do you think?

  • 残乐
    残乐 wrote:

    @Aysegul:  Thanks! Sometimes I do lie, but lies always make me uncomfortable~ haha

    @Nancy: Really Appreciate your opinion. thanks for taking this question so serious. I quite agree with one missing party doesn't mean a thing, that do give me some clue.... 

    & it seems you have the same problems, hope you can perfect deal with it too

  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:

    From the book Culture Shock:China by Kevin Sinclair

    "Chinese people do not like to say no. They will squirm with embarrassment as they try and find a more diplomatic, tactful and considerate way of expressing the negative. Sometimes, this leads them them to great lengths of circumlocution.

     This reluctance to say a simple "No" may seem strange to Westerners. But it is part of the Chinese notion of politeness. It is not thought right to simply deny a visitor a request. So instead of just saying "No", they will go to great lengths to hint that something is not possible, and hope that behind the bland smiles that the thick-skinned, hopelessly stupid foreign devil will take the hint."


  • 残乐
    残乐 wrote:

    "hopelessly stupid foreign devil"....huh, Kevin Sinclair, right?

    It seems he had tough time here, lol

  • Gracie-Bear
    Gracie-Bear wrote:

    just tell them you are busy. 

  • xxxxxxxx
    xxxxxxxx wrote:

    Well, tell them that you're super busy or you have another date, basically it hurts when someone directly refuse our invitation, however, when we deny it in a proper way, like pretending that we're busy, or making up just something to avoid it, thats almost understandable, just try it out, I think we all went through that crisis... 

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