"He's got yellow fever. What can I do?"

Posted by 随便叫兽 on 17. Mar 2010

Editorial Note: And we're back with our relationship column on a sad note, mere weeks after the former White Guy, Chuck Saliva, was found dead at a local massage parlor late last month.

After being reported missing by his longtime girlfriend Nguyen Trai, authorities used mobile phone data, posts on local social networking sites and tips from friends and coworkers to track Mr. Saliva, 32, to the Apple-Cheeked Parlor and Lounge in Beijing's Xuanwu District.

Workers directed the authorities to the room of one matching Saliva's description where they entered to discover a white male in a prone position on the bed. The figure was later identified as Mr. Saliva through dental records due to the advanced state of decomposition.

While sources tell us that signs of autoerotic asphyxiation were present, authorities were vague when asked if the death was suspicious, refusing to rule anything out until toxicology reports are released sometime in early-April.

Ms. Trai, 13, could not be reached for comment. It's assumed that she has returned to her native Vietnam.

This column, the first penned in part by White Guy replacement Dando Z, is dedicated to his memory. We'll miss you, Chuck.

Dear Chinese Chick and White Guy:

I broke up with my long term Beijinger girlfriend about a year ago (this was a violent love affair that spanned two years and a continental separation) and after a long period of being miserable -- sleeping around, pushing away potential love interests and comparing every single girl that I did date to my ex and dumping them for not measuring up -- I met someone who I think has what it takes to make me happy.


Here's the problem:

I'm a 27-year-old American white collar professional and she's a 21-year-old college student.

While I'm cautiously shedding my cynicism and am ready to open up again and let someone into my life, both the age, occupational and cultural differences remain a potential roadblock.

Yes, I'm familiar with platitudes like "Age is nothing but a number" and "Do what you feel is right," but I can't help but anticipate that serious problems will arise in the future as a result of these differences.

We're both practical and have discussed this before we started sleeping together, but have since let the issue slide. She's incredibly brilliant, driven and is a recent graduate of one of China's top universities, so this isn't an issue of "callous white guy seduces impressional girl and baits her with a promising future."

Give it to us straight, experts.

Cautiously Optimistic, 27

Chinese Chick Says:

Ah, this is rough. I think it can be done, the age gap is trivial: quite normal, actually. As for the cultural and occupational thing, if it's a concern, I don't think you should have started anything in the first place. However, that's too late now. So deal with it. Unless you guys are serious about having a future together you need to plan around that, if not, just cherish the time you have together and see wherever life takes you. Don't stress. Stressing doesn't solve anything.

Without said, since there are no baits thrown in there, don't feel bad. Just make sure you guys stay on the same page emotionally.

Have fun, good luck and definitely be optimistic.

White Guy Says:

What I love about college girls is that I keep getting older; they stay the same age. Is that so wrong? Wooderson said the same thing about high school girls in the film Dazed and Confused. And you're never going to be as sleazy as a pothead portrayed by Matthew McConaughey.

Worst case scenario: Let's say it doesn't work out between you two. When you're in your forties, you're going to look back on your late twenties and regret not chasing college girls when it was still socially acceptable for you to do so. And It's not just acceptable, it's a moral imperative.

That's right. If you pass this up because you're worried about cultural differences, you're not just an idiot, but also an asshole. Let's face it. You're a yuppie, and you're probably going to get married eventually. Kids, mortgage, spare tire, male-pattern baldness.

You owe it to your future wife to have fun now while you're still young enough to enjoy it. You don't want to look back and wonder what could have been. If you don't get this out of your system now, you'll be back in China again after a mid-life crisis and/or divorce. And then you'll be the kind of guy who we make fun of in the We Live In Beijing forums.

Dear Chinese Chick and White Guy,

I'm a white girl living in Beijing and I really like this American guy, but he's got yellow fever. What can I do?

Beijing White Girl, 25

Chinese Chick Says:

Introduce him to me? Just joking.

I hate it when guys like me just because they've got yellow fever and that I'm Asian. So same thing, if he doesn't like you just because you or not one of the millions in Beijing, then screw him (well, not literally).

Don't get too caught up in it. Just be friends with him and if you guys have good chemistry then voila. If not, well, you can't fake or force chemistry. It's just not meant to be.

Good luck, white girl.

White Guy Says:

My old man told me that with regards to women, it is not what's outside, but what is inside that counts. He also said all women look more or less the same when you turn them upside down. Like all white guys, my father is a sick man. But we've all got the same medical condition. It's called vaj fever. For those of us with a Y chromosome, it's endemic.

I've been shot down by some white chicks because I date Chinese girls. But is it my fault that 99% of the women around me are Asian? I like white chicks too. And knowing where a guy is coming from is definitely an advantage you have over the locals, who probably aren't as familiar as you are with this guy's favorite music and movies. Use this knowledge to your advantage.

So check yourself. Does he really date Asians exclusively, or is it you who is really just worried that you can't compete with padded bras and bony asses?

And if Chinese Chick ends up scooping your guy, then by all means, gimme a call. I do not discriminate.

Have a question for our experts? We know you do because we read the forums and know how confused and inadequate all of you are when it comes to dating and the opposite sex. So don't be shy. Just submit a damn question and it'll feel better in the morning.

Pictured above: Yellow Fever.


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