Discussion » Nonsense » Embarrassing sex tales

  • Pavoir Sponse
    Pavoir Sponse wrote:
     Browsing reddit when I came across this little gem:

    "So my sisters boyfriend thought it would be funny to get me "sex hogties" for my birthday one year. well a couple weeks later got really drunk at a bar and brought home an extremely quiet and "nerdier" type of girl who was some sort of a gold fish scientist i think. when we got back to my house we started hooking up and she asked me to choke her, then i brought up that i had the hogties and her face lit up, well once i put them on her she screamed RAPE ME, I wasnt exactly sure what to do then, then she yelled it louder, then begged me to punch her in the face. i gave her a little tap and she kept telling me to hit her harder and calling me a faggot. So finally i got pissed and laid off and knocked her completely out... My roommate heard the word RAPE being yelled repeatedly and heard the sounds of hits so he kicked my door open, came running into my room to find a bruised and beaten girl hog tied on my floor who was completely unconscious... he looked at me and kept screaming WHAT HAVE YOU DONE"

    Made me chuckle anyway...
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    From /d/ with loev

    >spread-eagled to bed in self bondage
    >no hope of escape for ~1 hour thanks to key/timer device
    >wearing diaper, it's wet
    >bullet vibe under cock head, buzzing semi-loudly
    >pacifier strapped in mouth, no talking
    >mother knocks on door
    >"Are you awake still?"
    >me: FUCK
    >I scramble and finally get my sheets over my head/hands chained to headboard
    >Mom: *opens door* "Hello?"
    >me: "mmmpphhmm" (in what I think is a GTFO, I'm really tired groan)
    >mom: *leaves*
    >not a single fuck given

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    >STILL haven't invested in a proper plug or toy
    >Grab condom, lube, zucchini, and use these instead
    >Fap to tons upon tons of dickgirl for about an hour with zucchini in my ass
    >Moving it a bunch, it's pretty deep, and it was about 8 or 9" around at its widest point
    >Cum so fucking hard
    >Trash vegetable
    >Have sex with girlfriend later, she's still learning about assplay
    >Missionary position, she pulls out her vibrator while I'm on top
    >Practically falls into my ass with no lube required
    >"Jesus, your butt is usually 10 times this tight"
    >Still not completely comfortable talking about what I do to her
    >"Yea, I ate a bunch of cheese a few days ago and I was backed up for days until a couple hours before I came over"
    >"Oh, okay"
    >She wants to get toys/plugs together though!

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    >Be 14
    >Up at my dad's house in the sticks for the summer
    >Absolutely no one around but him
    >Around 3 AM I start fapping to piss poor shemale porn
    >Get real into it
    >Find a makeshift dildo, begin bouncing a bit
    >Dad behind me going to make coffee
    >"Hey anon, what's that?"
    >Dick in my hand, looking at him like he's crazy
    >He comes closer and takes a look at the monitor for a few seconds
    >"I never did like Brazilians, kiddo."
    >He goes back to making coffee

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    /b/ stories fill my brain with fewer questions

    > One time we were fucking in the bathroom after we got out of the shower together. We were going to hold off because she was supposed to start having her period, but we just said fuck it. Well after out little session, I looked down and we realized that she had started bleeding while we were fucking, and it was pretty much all over my cock and my hands. So she got grossed out and told me to wash it off, meanwhile, being the fucking retard that I am. I decided to chase her around the house h9lding my bloody dick. We played this game for a while until we heard her mom coming through the front door. So she pushed me into her closet and I was stuck holding my bloody dick in my hands for the better part of an hour while she tried to explain why there was blood on the bathroom floor to her mom. In the end, she had to tell her that she was masturbating on the bathroom floor when she started bleeding. I had to hold in the laughs.

  • 随便叫兽
  • 随便叫兽
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Archivist no perverting.

  • Simen Wangberg
    Got kicked in the eye while changing positions

    Accused of giving a chick lice after dry humping/makeout-ing

    Humped on top of an elementary school and then the chick was too scared to jump down so I just sat there for like an hour

    Shower sex is dangerous and stupid never do it ever you will DEFINITELY hurt yourself

    S'pose that about rounds 'em up

  • Simen Wangberg
      but it's FUNNAY
  • WeLiveInBeijingRess
    i was always too shy to start this thread, but...............i do think i should be the one to post this thread...................... 
  • WeLiveInBeijingRess
     staying in tonight, buddy? how is Ivy doing?  got any amusing story with her for this thread??? hah

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