Discussion » Beijing Life » The value of friendship

  • Gullekian
    Gullekian wrote:
    <p>Is there a true value to a friendship?? </p> <p>Can we measure it by any means?? </p> <p>Thanks for your comments</p>
  • Simen Stensvoll

    when you start put value on friendship, it is not friendship anymore, it becomes an object for trade.

  • Simen Stensvoll

    then they are business man,not friends

  • Simen Stensvoll

    lol,thats not a true friend,thats a mistake,we always make mistakes

  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    you become more older more harder to make real friends ...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... Bobo, it is not that hard when you get older ... just ask G ...

  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    hehe if that is useful ,i'd like ask right now ...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    (continued) .. no, G, what she meant was"how to make friends when one gets older" ...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    hehe i think all your guys were misunderstood me , my mean is ppl get more older is more harder to get true friends .....when we young ,the friendship is very pure , but step by step , you will found ,friendship is not that pure anymore ,will mix so many things ... for sure most are benefits.

  • Alex ^∞
    Alex ^∞ wrote:

    i have a feeling that bobo speaks the sad truth.

  • Pavoir Sponse
    Pavoir Sponse wrote:

    A great topic I think.

    I can go with all the acceptance stuff, but not sure it is really about trust. I know a fair few people with friends they don't trust an inch but they still, odd as it sounds, consider them friends.

    And what about the friend you don't like or even hate, quite a few people have those? Some friendships are predicated on simply knowing someone very, very well over a very long period of time. Some people have certain friends because, the nature of the relationship makes them feel a bit better about themselves.

    Seems to have been a spate of articles about how it is difficult to make friends after you are 30 recently... as here Such a pity people feel like this...

    People who find it harder to make friends as they get older, often claim they have enough friends and say they don't need any more (which has always struck me as being an odd notion). Also as people get older that often fall into a particular mindset, that people are too busy, or that they aren't to be trusted, etc. I'm sure if you shake this mindset off, it is perfectly easy to make friends at whatever age you are.

    Montaigne writes a great essay about friendship here.

    One thing he touches on, which I agree with are that certain things are often considered friendships that are not quite so. Lots of people often say their Mum, or their brother, say, are their best friends and it is all wonderful and very well meaning, but I always think, yeah but they are not actually your friend, they are your family- which is a qualitatively different thing. Your relationship is not based upon the fact that you are friends, it's based on being related, initially at least.

  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:

    [...]

    In many cases, there is a grain of true and genuine friendship in the relation of man to man, though generally, of course, some secret personal interest is at the bottom of them - some one among the many forms that selfishness can take. But in a world where all is imperfect, this grain of true feeling is such an ennobling influence that it gives some warrant for calling those relations by the name of friendship, for they stand far above the ordinary friendships that prevail amongst mankind. The latter are so constituted that, were you to hear how your dear friends speak of you behind your back, you would never say another word to them.

    Apart from the case where it would be a real help to you if your friend were to make some great sacrifice to serve you, there is no better means of testing the genuineness of his feelings than the way in which he receives the news of a misfortune that has just happened to you. At that moment the expression of his features will either show that his one thought is that of true and sincere sympathy for you; or else the absolute composure of his countenance, or the passing trace of something other than sympathy, will confirm the well-known maxim of La Rochefoucauld: “Dans l'adversité de nos meilleurs amis, nous trouvons toujours quelque chose qui ne nous deplaît pas.” Indeed, at such a moment, the ordinary so-called friend will find it hard to suppress the signs of a slight smile of pleasure. There are few ways by which you can make more certain of putting people into a good humour than by telling them of some trouble that has recently befallen you, or by unreservedly disclosing some personal weakness of yours. How characteristic this is of humanity!

    alt text

  • Alex ^∞
    Alex ^∞ wrote:

    Pavoir - Good Montaigne link. Ty.

    I know a fair few people with friends they don't trust an inch but they still, odd as it sounds, consider them friends.

    Not sure about this. Are these not just "interesting/amusing acquaintances" rather than "friends"? I mean... I know a lot of people I dont mind hanging out with or spending time around - doesnt mean they are friends....doesnt mean I think I can really rely on them all the time (though I may wish I could) - but in truth and hence, I dont call these people "friends".

    Some people have certain friends because, the nature of the relationship makes them feel a bit better about themselves.

    More common with girls, right?

    An awful sounding woman in the article talked about "fulfilling needs":

    “I take an extremely efficient approach and seek out like-minded folks to fill very specific needs, I have a cocktail friend and a book friend and a parenting friend and several basketball friends and a neighbor friend and a workout friend.”

    Would anyone here like to be one of her need crutches? This is a very unattractive attitude towards friendship and human bonding IMO - which I think should mean more than a fucking cocktail. I dont agree that people should be "friends" just because they fancy the same personal trainer or read the same trashy romance novel. Isnt "friendship" supposed to be something more than such superficial nonsense?

    Oh....and the idea that ones child or ones parent should be ones "best friend" is so twisted, so sickening and so contrived it makes me want to puke. Im a fan, but Will Smith referring to his son as "dude" was just bleeeeegh....

  • Pavoir Sponse
    Pavoir Sponse wrote:

    Alex,

    Not sure about this. Are these not just "interesting/amusing acquaintances" rather than "friends"? I mean... I know a lot of people I dont mind hanging out with or spending time around - doesnt mean they are friends....doesnt mean I think I can really rely on them all the time (though I may wish I could) - but in truth and hence, I dont call these people "friends".

    Guess the degree of trust is the key thing here, I don't mean someone who you think is gonna suddenly murder you or even bugger you. More a type of drinking buddy who you like to shoot the shit with, hell, maybe you crash at his house at the weekends but at the same time you know hasn't got your back, might not help you out of a tight corner, would fuck your wife if he got the chance. For me this dude is more than an acquaintance... for the record I don't think I have one of these, but have meant plenty of guys that claim to have them.

    Agree with your point about having friends to fulfil specific needs and that woman being frightful, but it sometimes I think can work the other way, maybe more positively say. A lot of people sometimes have a 'disaster friend' that they are always bailing out. Of course I'm sure they like the guy. But I also think at some level some people have like to be the person who deals with peoples problems and likes to sorts things out, so actively needs that kind of friend. Anyway, I'm no psychologist and am stretching a bit here...

    Yeah, people who say their mum is their best friend freak me out, plain bizarre... why would anyone want that?

    Another article like the New York Times one but in the Guardian here. As is often the way, the comments at the end are far more erudite and entertaining than anything in the article itself...

  • Pavoir Sponse
    Pavoir Sponse wrote:

    Talking about the comments, my favourite one was the dude who said:

    "I'm a total dick and I've alienated pretty much everyone I know, so i have to keep meeting new people. The ones who stick with me I call friends. I hope that doesn't stop after 30 or I'm fucked."

    Brilliant!

  • Alex ^∞
    Alex ^∞ wrote:

    "I'm a total dick and I've alienated pretty much everyone I know, so i have to keep meeting new people. The ones who stick with me I call friends. I hope that doesn't stop after 30 or I'm fucked."

    Thats like....me.

  • pommie
    pommie wrote:

    So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.

Please login to post a reply to this thread.

WeLiveInBeijing

WeLiveInBeijing.com is a social community for people living in or traveling to Beijing.

Powered by: Bloc