like study abroad, marriage attitude,the way how you spend your life. your parents and family totally disagree with you, and get mad at your decision.what you guys would do?

...

Hahahahaha ... I think it is safe to guess that majority of us have that kind of ”experience" ... "does not agree" can mean "against", but also "neutral", which one did you mean?

If it is "against", being that my mother does have more life experience than me, she might have a point somewhere, so most of the time, I would listen first, and if it is indeed something I have mistaken or overlooked, I would listen more, or, I will try to explain to her that she might be wrong somewhere ...

If it is "neutral", then I could actually get curious about that, and we would talk a bit more ...

definitely against. and your parents just want you to spend your life they want. definitely wrong lifestyle. no matter how you explain, they just go their own way,obviously communication is not a solution anymore.

just don't let them the choice !

don't say "i would like do this, do that" say " i will do this and that!"

if they are good parents they will support you (even if they don't like it)

you give the direction you want in your life, sometimes parents try to give the direction they missed younger to their own child, it's not their fault,

just do what you want !

and if they don't give you money, do without.

they will be proud of you if you success, evidently if you don't let them the choice the best thing it's to succeed after :p

same here. I have some kinda desire about being a hippy and travel around indea and amsterdam but my parents never would agree with that...which is understandable because something tells me that I'm gonna be fucked up if I really do that ;D

however I'm still gonna try with more realistic/safe plans with this conflict...

It's your life.

...

(continued) ... I hope my idea had helped you somehow, it is of course not a good thing to do, but it might be the best answer to your problem ... let me know how it goes :)

... and let's make a day for a date ... we owe each other, somehow ...

It sounds like how you make your clients to be satisfied with your work.

@Jérémie (jayjay), i think they just got the presure from their friends and the society, and then force me to follow the rules, they are good parents, just the problem is they think what i am doing is wrong. what i will do would not success. chinese ppl respect their parents and family a lot, and i don't want them feel sad and heart break as well.

@叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹) thanks for your suggestion, really appreciate that you care about my problem so much. i care about their feeling but i still want to be myself and do what i want. i am trying to balance my parents' feeling and my life. i will think about your suggestion these days. make a long term plan.

...

(continued) ... dont thank me yet, because if you are not careful, this might get you into even more trouble ...

ahah i respect my parents, but you see, i was going to have a normal job with a good salary in france. BUT I came to Hong Kong 1 month Ago, i had 1900Yuan EVIDENTLY my parents disagreed totally !!! Cause i know i'll succeed here, my parents told me "you're crazy, you can not, you haven't money, comeback, etc etc" i told them, "let me show you!" and they didn't want me to stay in China, but i told them "it's what i want, if i don't do it i'll miss something, if you can not understand it's cause you never tried what i'm trying to do now."

humans are scared about the unknown, it's like this. just do what you want, but show them that, you're happy, and THAT THERE IS AN EVOLUTION !! a progression in what you do, not just go somewhere else to do nothing better than before, if you do that you have to be sure to be successfull.

@Jérémie (jayjay) i love my parents,if they didn't get the presure from the society, they will stand on my side i think, i have always made the decisions about my own life since when i was a kid, or even my parents listen to my opinion about our family's big decisions. but since they got the presure from the social rules, they just begin to push me. but on the other hand, i am scared about the unknown too, sometimes when you not sure about what you want is right or not , or will success or not. just feel confusing a little. might not so confident when argue with parents life experience

I left my parents' house, city, state, country, religion and political party.

They were mad and didn't talk to me for years.

Eventually, we all got over it.

Your parents will too.

Just believe in what you're doing so strongly that you can achieve it.

That'll teach 'em.

@ 卫三下三尺 yes, they even said they would not talk to me if i insist on my point . which is bad because i don't want to hurt them

I think they'll definitely get used to it.

Just try your best to make your dreams come true. After all, they only want what's best for you. Prove to them that you are right by doing it. I had to put myself through university on my own to make it happen, but it happened.

Your parents want what's best and SAFE.

Just show them that you're better than safe.

They'll be proud.

Then again, I could be completely wrong.

I don't know your parents.

I'm just some guy on the Internet. :)

.。。。

(continued) ...

After all, they only want what's best (what they believe would be the best option) for you.

if ur parents does not agree ur decision maybe bcoz they think u ar a still `a bb and u can't care of urself that why just try to show them u ar not anymore a bb and u can take care of urself maybe they will listen to u

my life is belong to me..............

Acept it, change it, leave it.

They can disagree. [br] But they should also learn to respect your own decisions, aka, do not interfere.[br] They want the best for you, no doubt. But "the best" in their mind is actually " what they think is the best for you" based on their own experience and mindsets.[br]

What I always do is - sit down and talk with them.[br] Communication is always the key.[br] Although It could be very frustrating... [br] Let them understand why I insist on my own decisions and prove them my point.[br]

Once a decision is made, no matter what the consequences turn out to be, I'll blame no one and face it on my own.[br]

@Kryseg they don't think i am a baby,conversely, i always make decision about our family, like buying a house, doing some business, they think i am too independent and stubborn, so different from my classmates and same age person in my hometown.

don't be so gay, dingdang. grow up...

...

Hahahahaha ... are you saying that "being gay" is a sign of "not growing up"?

they think i am too independent and stubborn, so different from my classmates and same age person in my hometown.

Haha... Conformity...

Most parents would be happy should there child be independant enough to make thier own decisions and live with the consequences.... Prehaps it is that your parents are uncomfortable with the fact that you arnt conforming and therefore may end up outside of the mold traditionalism so strongly adheres to... thus putting themselves into situations they don't know how to handle...

If this be true then face value dictates they worry that you (as an example) not marry at an early enough age and become a "leftover".... they may therefore use guilt tactics and single you out as abnormal (for lack of a better word) in hopes you would wish to conform to social "norms"..... But a deeper unconscious reason for their actions may be a fear of limitation within them selves born from cultural norms..

Put simply, their own life experience dictates (in this example) marrage at the appropriate age with one they deem suitable to be part of their parental responsibilities which, if not complete, will effect your life negatively.... and any attempt to dissuade them of this known fact, will be seen as immature stubborness.

To deal with such situations, it may be prudent to control your temper and answer face value guilt trips with calm and informed information stating your thoughts in a clear and informed fashion while inviting constructive conversation based upon points raised. or in other words "sit down and talk with them.Communication is always the key.Although It could be very frustrating... Let them understand why I insist on my own decisions and prove them my point." Ref: Shuo

I suppose you already got your economic independence. So, now as @Lao Lee said, you only have to talk with them, althought I would say negotiate with them.

For the youths, maturing is a process of developing. For the parents, maturing of their sons and daughters is a sort of break up. They have to learn how to handle with it and overcome that break up... not -us- anymore, just -you- and -me-.

Althought, this situation becomes pretty hard when some parents confuse respect with servilism

Listen to Killing in the Name at high volume.

Parents should advicing or helping u to take a decision but in any case, never choose for u...

Cannot agree more than with Jeremie :

"Do what you want to do!" " if they are good parents they will support you "

It is your life, not their life, times have changed !

。。。

Hahahahahaha ... this is in fact a classic example of how the East might be VERY different from the West ...

... and just for that little bit of irrelevance ...

It was most likely that because of most of what you guys have said (and believed), some of the Chinese girls (no, I was not referring to Lily, because I know so) were led to believe that "going West" (or, "marrying West") might take them away from the tradition ...

People ... whether you live here, or go West, as long as you are Chinese, or associated with Chinese, the tradition will linger, whether you like (accept) it or not ... I know I dont like some of it, but it is part of me ...

try suicide, believe me they will regret.

Interesting conversation with Chinese colleague today. He is dating a girl he says he doesn't really like but is even talking about marrying her to keep his mum happy because his mum introduced them. I suggested he dump her but he said he may just have to marry her... Bizzare.

what a "great" suggestion~~~

Art D wrote: try suicide, believe me they will regret.

@Jonathan yest, that's how chinese leftovers got the pressure from their families, i have a lot of friends who got married not because they love each other, only because they think they should do that. that's pethetic.

。。。

Hahahahaha ... but Lily dear, they should be glad that at least it is not 盲婚哑嫁。。。

Since I'm not Chinese I wouldn't care.

@ lz

where are you from??????

@ lz

where are you from??????

my mom was totally against almost all the choices i made.i always speak out the real way of thinking...(by real way of thinking i mean...when she force me to find someone and get married,i told her i will marry a guy 80 years old if she push me again) at first it may cruel,but they have to know what we really think,then decide to against or not.the result is...we kept on fighting for years...but,we both get to know each other more.now,she is still try to "bend me over"and i still following my own decision...but we know how to handle it, we compromised and compensated each other by using other ways.everyone can change including the most stubborn one,but if they never know how you really think,they will never change.

...

(continued) ...

my mom was totally against almost all the choices i made.i always speak out the real way of thinking

Hahahahaha ... and I have been married to one of those for 8+ years already ...

Work, become economically independent as soon as possible so you can go away and create a life according to what you like and want.

"It's my life and I'll do what I want."

-The Animals

[embed]http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjIyNzAzODUy.html[/embed]

@Secret Garden, nothing about the economical independent, i almost afford some of my family's spend for several years.

。。。

(continued) ... Garden ... you are guessing too much ...

Liam, I was actually thinking about the Bon Jovi song ...

[embed]http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjIxNDk5MDg4.html[/embed]

@Liam (李安) thanks for the vidio, sweet old times

@叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹): sounds like that song is not for parents.. =)

...

Hahahahahaha ... glad to see someone think the same ... I have been told that I look a bit like Bon Jovi, I just need a bike and black leather jacket ... and lose about 50% of my weight ...

@ Lily:

They are your parents, so they will always love you, since you are always their baby.

You are the in-between generation; the generation before you is heavily influenced by traditions, the generation after you will be more or less free of that.

If I were you I'd respectfully go my own way, without hurting my parents. There's gonna come a day when your parents are not there anymore. Then you take over from them.

So just go your own way.. if they love you, they let you be free. And they love you.

life is too short to live in someone else's dream. parents always sayim doing this blah blah because i just want the best for you sure, it could be true, but what they want may not BE the best for you. people should grow up and live their own life. maybe parents say: we are your parents and we know you the most. but we know ourselves better than our parents do. afterall, its your first time to be a child, and its their first time to be parents. they do NOT know better. so the principle here is, when im gonna die, i want to say, i have always did the thing i wanted, no matter the consequences were good or bad, i have always lived for myself and not as a result of someone else's failure. do the things you like, live the way you like it. failure is as much valuable as success. nothing is more like a torture than lose control over ur own life

If you're talking about decision it means you already made a choice, just assume it.

be true to urself always

Your parent’s life experiences dictate what they believe is best for you… Be a good girl, work for a big company, get married, have kids, start a family…what ever it may be. Take it for what it is. Advice. Advice… from people who love you and don’t want you to make mistakes and have regrets. It’s a changing world and the route to success is no longer conventional…

If you let your parents opinions hold you back. You'll either be stuck in limbo, torn with what to do and end up with nothing. In which case you`d probably be better off just listening to them in the first place. Or comply and forever be secretly bitter with them for sabotaging your chances for the life you now envision.

So, I guess it all boils down to if you actually know what you want in life, and how committed you are to getting what you want. Anyone and everyone can say they want to be independent, well-traveled, highly-educated, successful and HAPPY. The difference between someone who is happy and leads a fulfilling life and someone who doesn`t is the former knows exactly what they want and goes for it. The later just dreams…or is lazy.

Make your own choices and just do it.

@YC I completely agree with your perception: It’s a changing world and the route to success is no longer conventional…

With regards to the wider topic:

The world is changing and while tradition and family values must be respected you have to find your own path. Your parents will understand no matter what. Love will for the most part shine through and if you can demonstrate that you are happy I am sure they will support you. The question is what is happiness for you and how do you achieve it.

We are all different in with regards to our motivations, simply put know yourself and self reflect on what you hold dear and what is important. There is one quote which always sticks with me from my travels:

it's not who you are that holds you back it's who you think you're not

In a modern world and society where there are so many possible paths and directions to take the problem is choice....

Choose wisely.....

你的事情你做主

@叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹) wrote: 。。。 (continued) ... Garden ... you are guessing too much ...

No DD. No guessing at all. I answered on sth said by someone I have no idea if is male/female/shemale, adult/teenager， since I don’t believe profiles so much and I don’t really know this person.

So my answer was complete, for all sexes, all ages. Since this person now says that is an adult, and economically independent, only the last part is for her:

“create a life according to what you like and want..”

It's your life so you have to take control of it and work towards what you want, not what they want you to be. You need to speak to them about it and if they are against your decision then you should work hard, achieve your goals and then show your parents that your choice was right after all.

Of course, if it's something illegal then don't do it and listen to your parents!