Discussion » Dating & Romance » Men Need To Cheat

  • 外交猫
    外交猫 wrote:
    <p>by Vicki Larson</p> <p>Monogamy is failing men.</p> <p>Not only is it failing them, but it's a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that can lead to a life of anger and contempt, or so says Eric Anderson, an American sociologist at England's University of Winchester and author of the provocative new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating (Oxford University Press, $49.99).</p> <p>Cheating, however, serves men pretty well. An undiscovered affair allows them to keep their relationship and emotional intimacy, and even if they're busted it's a lot easier than admitting that they wanted to screw someone else in the first place, he writes.</p> <p>In his study of 120 undergraduate men, 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated, "even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner." Contrary to what we may think, most men aren't cheating because they don't love their partner, he says; they cheat because they just want to have sex with others. And society shouldn't pooh-pooh that.</p> <p>Monogamy's stronghold on our beliefs -- what he calls monogamism -- brings ostracism and judgment to anyone who questions or strays from its boundaries. That doesn't make sense to Anderson, who wonders why we stigmatize someone who has a fling more than couples who divorce -- throwing away a marriage rich in history and love, upsetting their kids' lives -- over something like sex.</p> <p>Monogamy isn't the only "proper" way to be in a relationship, and he says it's time that society finds "multiple forms of acceptable sexual relationship types -- including sexually open relationships -- that coexist without hierarchy or hegemony." It's especially important for today's young men, for whom monogamous sex seems more boring than in generations past because of easy premarital sex and pornography.</p> <p>Dr. Anderson was kind enough to answer my questions by email:</p> <p><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html</a></p>
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    I'm sympathetic to the idea that "monogamism" is a form of tyranny. I have on occasion felt that I could rack up a higher body count if I were more discrete about being a philandering bastard rather than stubbornly asserting the authenticity of my aberrant amorousness.

    And yet.

    Fuck this Anderson shitcunt.

    Honesty is good sometimes, and horrible other times. There are good reasons to lie; it is an essential skill for keeping community and relationship peace. The reason men lie about cheating is mostly because they know that if they ask for permission to have recreational sex: 1) they will be denied 2) after they are denied, they will be subject to scrutiny and increased relationship policing; 3) they will be stigmatized as immoral, and most likely broken up with. Thus, honesty doesn't meet their desires of having both a long-term partner and recreational sex with others.

    Cry about it.

    Women still get the short end of the stick on this issue because of the sexual double-standard, the utterly vile notion that "A key that opens every lock is called a master key, but a lock that opens for every key is a shitty lock."

    Dudes have the option of being badass bachelors who fuck everything that moves, and people will respect them for it. Chicks do not have that option. If they attempt to do so, they get called leftover women, spinsters, and sluts.

    The way cheating men see it, it's either cheat or don't cheat, but telling their partners they want sex outside the relationship, or telling their partners that they actually cheated, is viewed as a surefire way of achieving relationship termination. When men cheat for recreational sex -- not affairs -- they DO love their partners. If they didn't, they would break up with them.

    If they really DO love their partners they would seek their permission to fuck someone else rather than expose them to unspecified risks of STDs.

  • Mari Vidste
    Mari Vidste wrote:

    the utterly vile notion that "A key that opens every lock is called a master key, but a lock that opens for every key is a shitty lock."

    Call it a vile notion if you must, but a lock that opens for every key is in fact a shitty lock.

  • Rick (史大龙)

    This subject again? Yeah sure men cheat and actually 100% of the married Chinese men I know cheat, but there are even more studies out there that prove that women cheat even more including married women...

  • 外交猫
    外交猫 wrote:

    Rick, that's not the point of the article. The point is about why men cheat, and how we're probably all wrong in the way that we think about it. He also acknowledges that women cheat all the time, but that wasn't what the study was about.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    the utterly vile notion that "A key that opens every lock is called a master key, but a lock that opens for every key is a shitty lock."

    Call it a vile notion if you must, but a lock that opens for every key is in fact a shitty lock.

    A good lock that opens for the same key every time without jiggling it inside to knock all the tumblers loose is a shitty metaphor for a boring fuck.

  • Kent Løset
    Kent Løset wrote:

    Oh, the good old "men are cheaters" topic. Allow me to throw some gasoline on the fire:

    Both men and women cheat. Women are just way better liars.

  • Rick (史大龙)

    @外交猫 Got it...

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    Hmmm,

  • High Priest

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