Discussion » Dating & Romance » Long-distance relationship, any suggestion?

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:
    <p>i am a local guy here and my gf is a Guangzhou girl. we have been in a long-distance relationship for 8 months. I have to say, it is suffering. In the beginning of this relationship, i flew to see her twice a month, 2 months later, i started to meet her 3-4 times a month. From Sept, i applied for work in 2 locations, 1 week @beijing and 1 week @guangzhou until now. I wanna take her back to Beijing, but she doesnt wanna move at all. </p> <p>What shall i do to convince her to come? Anyone has any good suggestion?</p>
  • NN
    NN wrote:

    If you really like and care about her,then dont let her does anything she doesnt want to do. If she doesnt want to move up to the north,then is it possible that you can move down to the south?I understand it,long distance relationship is really not easy.

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    thanks, NN, i wont say it is impossible to go down to south. but the thing is i have a good job here, and i might not be able to find a good one there as in beijing.

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    thanks, DS, it is quite a lot of money i have to say. 1500RMB is just for one way ticket for one single trip. you will figure out how much it would costs if 3 or 4 round trip. I am not rich, but fortunately my salary can afford it so far.

    She doesnt wanna move becuase her family is there. But my family is here, if i go south, i cannot take care of them. thats why i am so struggling.

  • Michelle Pham
    Michelle Pham wrote:

    Wow 8 months of long distance relationship . high respect for that . how long you guys spent together before being apart ?

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahaha ... long distance can work, but it takes more effort (and money) than normal ... as well as trust and understanding ...

    How long have you two known each other, and how well did you two know each other before these last 8 months?

    One important point, because you are Chinese ... are you the only child? and is she? How "well supported" are you parents, and hers? What are all the factors that might hinder either of you from leaving home town, either Beijing to Guangzhou, or vice versa?

  • Joligne
    Joligne wrote:

    **

    1. BREAK UP WITH HER

    **

  • Fiona F
    Fiona F wrote:

    哇现实版《双城生活》啊~~

  • Nadia Scheie
    Nadia Scheie wrote:

    thats great..becos you two still in the same country. ummmmm If she doesnt wanna move better just wait.. and let it be....see one day she might change her mind...but dont wait it for too long. she might just not ready for this.

  • Simen Wangberg

    All relationships are doomed to failure. Including yours. Give up now before all hope is truly lost.

    No seriously, this is a stupid idea.

    i just started to use internet in 2010...

    Welcome to the Internet. All of us are now your guides.

  • Michelle Pham
    Michelle Pham wrote:

    I don't advice you to break up . just wait. As long as you 2 have the same wave of feeling., anything could work out . Don't give up easily . That is my personal experience.

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    wow, so many posts! thanks you all, guys and gals.

    Just to answer your guy's question, actually we know each other for many years as we used to worked for same company before. we are good friends.

    If i can make my mind that easy and wake away from her life as some of you guys said, probably it wont be that suffering. But the the thing is i like her, a lot! I wanna try it, even by the end of the whole thing, i realize that it is a waste of my time including my money, but at this moment i dont wanna drop "love conquers all" fantasy.

    i just dont know how to take her back...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。[br] [br] (continued) ... so, the "relationship" itself is only 8 months, or longer than that?

    So the two of you were together before, so why did she leave you, or you left her?

    Do you know, how does she feel about this? Maybe she does not want to continue?

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    @叮噹叔叔 (零零柒。伍) : yes, our relationship is just 8 months so far. we used to work in same company but different locations. So we did not "be together" before.

    @Andrea, thx for ur supports.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    (continued) ... so, just a stupid question, have you two ever met or spent time together, before these 8 months?

    And how did you (or the two of you) define how this relationship started 8 months ago? or, what happened 8 or 9 months ago?

    If ... it was understood that she would never come to BJ, and that you would never go to GZ, I really cannot understand how this "relationship" started ... and where it is going ...

    Another stupid or even insulting question ... does she feel the same way about you, as you feel about her?

  • Christina
    Christina wrote:

    not too far away.

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    To @叮噹叔叔 (零零柒。伍) :I cannot share you more detail on that, but we did work in same office for 6 months before, does it make sense to you?

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    (continued) ... no, not really ...

  • Joligne
    Joligne wrote:

    break up with her !~

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    well, well, well...

    @flori, joline & Scthacch: Why break up? U are assuming we gonna end up with no good?

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    cheers, Ranny, a serious talk is definitely neccessary, i think.

    People give their opions here, some you think are good, some you think are not, but anyway, i appreciate they could say what they think

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    well, she took me to meet her parents. For most of chinese girls, if she would like to take you to meet her parents, that means she definitely wanna have a future with you.

    Girls, Correct me if i am wrong.

  • Cindy Gong
    Cindy Gong wrote:

    Yes, I

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    Scthacch, i had same thoughts as you previously, she might be not that not into me. But after she took me to see her parents, i think she did something for me, at least she introduced me to their parents.

  • JOSH
    JOSH wrote:

    thanks, everybody, i think i know what i should do next

    i will come back 6 months later and let you guys know...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    (continued) ... six month later? heehee ...

    So far nothing has been said about how she feels ... though I agree that "meeting the parents" does mean that the relationship is serious, but, there is no time line here (when did you mean her parents) and under what circumstances ...

    I cant say I know many people, especially locals, but I think it is getting less and less of a "tradition" for a girl to bring a guy and her parents together ...

    So far, we have heard nothing about how she feels or thinks ... like Flori said, if it is fairly one-sided, it is a bad idea to make your decision without talking to her ...

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