Discussion » Nonsense » Career or love???

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:
    <p>So I have just found a fabulous job in Beijing, but my man is in the UK and we were going to get married next year..</p> <p>Well obviously my family would want me to stay in China and the life here is much easier. But I cant let my relationship go, just like this...</p> <p>So same old question.. what should a girl choose? Career or love?</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... that would surely depend on the individual ...

    How much do you love each other? How much do you value your job here, or over there, if you can find one? And, if marriage is in the plan, then he should also have a say in this, have you two talked about it? etc etc etc ...

     

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    Well he is from the UK and yes we have already talked about it! He is going to come get me back but i am still not quite sure about this. At the end of the day, i need to be able to support myself and live well after graduated from a masters degree!  And yes the job market situation is difficult in the UK otherwise i wouldnt think about looking for jobs in China in the first place! So this is really tough! I love him, I really do! But is it too much risk to give up everything for love??

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    (continued) ... heehee ... since I did have (some) first-hand experience, I see nothing wrong about choosing love over career, but also vice versa ... it is of course an "emotional" thing, as well as rational decision ...

    1. do you two want to BE together, and/or support each other?

    2. what arrangement(s) would give the MAX benefit now, for you and for him, and for the two of you in the future?

    ... similar to what Lee and Godfather said, it seems that you are having second thought?

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    Thanks  guys! yeah i have to admit i do have second thought as we had been arguing a lot before i came back. So i am worried that if we didnt work out in the end i would lose everything!

    But on the other hand I do miss the simple and happy life we had and want to work hard together with him...

    i really dont know how to choose..either way, i will be regret i think...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    (continued) ... I know exactly how you feel ... we have been talking for more than a year now, about heading home, but she prefers to develop her career here, also for the greater (financially) good for the two of us ... let's just say that you cannot win them all ;)

    What I would say, therefore, is ... collect all the "info" (even if only guessing) you can, work out all the pros and cons of each choice (or decision), you might not necessarily choose the one with the most pros though, and then go with it, and dont look back ...

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    yeah financially i would be much more comfortable in China..arghhhhhhh

    anyway thanks @叮当叔叔! Totally agree with you, need to choose one and never look back!

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    (continued) ... heehee ... again, first hand experience ... and if you think that "it" is a good enough reason, then it is ...

  • Micky
    Micky wrote:

    Wait a minute Rose; before you decide please note that happiness is not just about financial status. Five years from now you may have all the money in Beijing yet you’ll be missing something; and what’s that? True love; the guy who loved you the way you are. Then those same parents of yours will be scolding you; telling you they want to see their grandchild before they go.

    I understand there're some doubts here and there but I'm yet to see the relationship that has no spot. Why not do more; maybe convincing your man that there’re opportunities in china--------though depending on what he’s doing over there.

  • Simen Wangberg

    The fact that you're asking a bunch of strangers whether or not you should travel halfway around the world to marry someone is a clear sign that you shouldn't.

    So don't. Please.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    (continued) ... captain's log - star date, oh, what date is today please? ... if you let someone make the decision for you, you are likley to regret it most ...

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    hmmm he cant come to China, well at least not yet. He is running a business and has business debts and stuff to deal with...

    why i am here to ask a bunch of strangers is because my friends and family dont really support me going back...and i really need some neutral opinions..

    To be honest i do feel quite lonely now living by myself.. but i also think what Scott said is super right, thats really a lot of risk to take..

    sign*

  • Simen Wangberg

    "i really need some neutral opinions"

    Here's a neutral opinion: if you have even the slightest doubts about marrying someone, to the point where you have to ask complete strangers who don't know you or your boyfriend in any personal capacity for advice, then you definitely, definitely should not get married, especially if it's going to force you to move to a completely different country halfway around the world.

    How is this a difficult decision in any way?

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    hmmm that makes some sense..but i am not just going back and marry him..i also miss the life in there. i am not afraid of moving halfway around the world. Just dont know if its a good idea to give up the job i just got! its the one i like and less possible to get the same kind in the UK!

  • Simen Wangberg

    "You had made your decision already when you posted this thread.  You don't want to go with him and give up your career.  You just want to get more supports to prove that you are right, and make yourself feel better.

    However, strangers know nothing about you and your situation, so how can you trust us?

    Only trust yourself!"

    Basically the same thing I was trying to say, except you said it in a much nicer way. How do I learn to be tactful? :-/

     

  • Simen Wangberg

    Also that coin toss thing is pretty clever, actually.

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    Thanks Ami. The thing is he is super attentive and its really hard to give up this love x

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    (continued) ... heehee ... you minions ... one song just popped up, Tina Turner's "What's Love Gotta do with it" ... dont know why though ...

  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:

    I still don´t know why when someone ask for advice, some people confuse this with feed the fears of the other person.... is this the called -realistic point of view-?? or spread bitterness?

    Live in the modern times is in some sense learn how to deal and handle with the uncertainty...so... yep, is true, you can choose him and then he can dump you after some time, but is also true that you can get fired after some months... who knows? -La vida da muchas vueltas-

    I think that Love is really hard to find in our sick society. Caprices, temptations, fads and temporary leanings are more common among us. So, if you two really love each other, you two have something very special... and you gotta protect it and fight for it, because is worth it. Again, if you two really love each other.... 

    In my opinion, you should talk a lot with your bf, talk about your fears and concerns with him.... and if he does his work, then you will find the security for give this important step in your life. Don´t look security or answers here. because in this website there isn´t the person with who you need to talk....  

    Good luck!


  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    Option C: Join a horde of Mongolian nomads and slowly make your way across Eurasia, destroying anyone who stands in your way. Don't let a dead Khan stop you. Go all the way!

    OR!

    Go to the UK. Kill him. Eat his heart and gain all his skills and abilities. Take his job.

  • Micky
    Micky wrote:

    What's a good job?

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    I don't think hordes or cannibals need passports, @Ami.

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    In my opinion, you should talk a lot with your bf, talk about your fears and concerns with him.... and if he does his work, then you will find the security for give this important step in your life. Don´t look security or answers here. because in this website there isn´t the person with who you need to talk....  

    First time too to agree with Secades except what we can see

    There's nothing wrong in seeking advice from unknown people. One could even get advice from a passer by. Who said an advice from a known person is better from the one from stranger?

    @OP__Rose, Love__I can say it's about taking a risk. No one has never been 100% that the person he or she is marrying will be the man who could be with him or her for life. Only Him and Him alone hold the future in His hands.

    If you really follow Secades advice, you talk to ur guy about ur aprehensions and insecurities, if he assures u, I'd advice you to go for your love. 

    It's not good for you to regret about something you even didn't try. I'd rather regret about something I did than didn't do. Amen!

    High Priest

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahaha ... I so wanted to say something ... suddenly ...

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    Say it please

  • Mengmeng
    Mengmeng wrote:

    the toy tossing trick doesn't work in practice: suppose you toss it up 0.5m (if too high, it may bounce off sight), it will come back to you in about 0.6 sec, your mind need 0.3s to response to the process and leave you only 0.3s to make decision which is not possible to work out any problem. The only possiblity is you have made up your mind before tossing it and pray it will turn out as you wished, then this makes the ceremony meaningless:-P.

    All in all, do it reasonably. Love is two independent persons choosing to have each other come into their own hearts.

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    tossing trick: What's this all about? Those who consider love as a gamble are doomed to fail in their race. Love is a calculated risk, not a gamble. It's like investing into stock market, it's far from gambling, it's a calculated risk.

    High Priest

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahahaha ... hahahaha ...

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    Well at the end of the day, there’s no greater feeling than being with…not just anyone…but a special someone. The right one. A job and money will never bring the same satisfaction... 

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    @ Ayiela: I have got  Permanent Residence Visa! I used to study and work there, just obviously the level of job is the not the same as i can get in China! 

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahaha ... Rose ... my guess is that Ayiela only sees part of the story, I mean, skipping the PR thing and insurance etc ...

    ... going out for a bit now ... be back in an hour, if I survive the next hour ...

  • Simen Wangberg

    "The only possiblity is you have made up your mind before tossing it and pray it will turn out as you wished"

    That's the point. You already know what you want before you even toss the coin.

  • Micky
    Micky wrote:

    How come some people only see the very bad side of everything?

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    Exactly!  Thank you MIcky!

  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:

    @Micky, hangover after saturday night @_@

  • Simen Wangberg

    "How come some people only see the very bad side of everything?"

    Because everything sucks, and then you die.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahaha ... then, for the same token, a job, these days, is not completely secure ... unless of course Rose got this job via "relations", but then it might not earn her the experience she would need when she heads back to UK ...

    Personal experience ...

    If two people in a relationship are on their individual career paths that cannot compliment each other, this relationship usually would not last ... but then, it is just a probability ...

    There is nothing wrong about seeing negatives in life, but choosing career over love does NOT guarantee no risk ...

    ... of all the combined IQ in this thread, unfortunately I have dragged down the average no doubt, no one sees the possibility of a bad career choice?

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    Some people are apt at finding the silver lining around the storm clouds. They pity the superficial gits who are too myopic to notice.

    Go stare into the sun for a while, Micky.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahahahaha ... Lee, it is called "probability" or "possibility" ... and I only said "choice", not "path" ... if you made a bad start, of course you can choose again, but we simply dont get too many "second chance" ...

  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:

    your career and your job depend on the markets, and these days of crisis, they seem more whimsical than love...

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    他有公司在经营 还真是来不了。。我也想两个都有啊!!

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    嗯 现在他准备来中国接我回去 希望可以说服父母吧。。事业再回去打拼吧。。

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    哈哈哈哈,怎么谈到拍电影了?讨论已经完了?

  • Yanni
    Yanni wrote:

    @Rose

    why your status is still single if you plan to marry next year?but it is a problem to marry a Laowai for this situation,hope you could handle with it well...

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    @Ami

    他们也没有太阻止我啦!主要是觉得回国内比较利于事业发展。。

    @ Yanni

    LOL! I didnt even realise that! yeah we have been together for over two years, so that wont be a problem!

    @ Ada

    Thank you! 加油加油!:D

  • Kevin Chen
    Kevin Chen wrote:

    for U!

    love

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    Cheers Kevin! :)

  • Sab
    Sab wrote:

    If he loves you too, why doesn't he moved to China and get a job here?? I would do that, besides I already did. So it's not just an ideal opinion. 

  • Rose
    Rose wrote:

    just think i should put an end to this...

    My man,well ex, came to China to get me back. I gave up the job and returned to the UK thinking i was going to spend the rest of my life with the man i love...

    Same old shit. It was still difficult for me to get the career i want and he worked his ass off to support both of us. More and more arguments between us and a week before we were supposed to get married i got on the plane back to Beijing...

    Really sad but life goes on. Hope everyone has a great new year...Rose xx

  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:

    At least, you will not have to fight against one question the rest of your life: If I had tried it, what would have happened. And that´s a lot !!

    Now you are truly free to let it behind.

    ...'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all...

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    go for career, men seldom appreciate when we sacrifice something for them or for love..., what will be will be anyway, if you are meant to be together, you would figure out the ways to be together + men are always attracted to ambitious and successful women just the way we get attractive to successful men.

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    @ Rodney Hollingsworth 大威力 my comment has nothing to do with me or men in my life, just pure objective observation :))

  • Alex Agostini
    Alex Agostini wrote:

    Love can move mountains, every successful woman or man has a strong background, a strong supporter, which is usually a wife / husband.

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    @ 卫三下三尺 it would be subjective if i was judging from my own experience :)

    @ Rodney Hollingsworth 大威力 of course men and women are different, like i said my generalization is made only by my own observations, and you don't have to agree with it since we all think differently :)

    @ Godfather, you always strike with your comments :)))

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    well, as long as we are discussing "career or love" majority of women would follow their heart/ feelings and choose love, although they know they might regret about it in the future, so what i am trying to say here, yes follow your heart etc etc etc, but also do not lose your mind and reasonable thinking no matter how madly in love you might be :)

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    (continued) ...

    Godfather, you always strike with your comments

    Hahahaha ... his beak is specially made ...

  • Lana Montana
  • Lana Montana
  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    he give me up because his career,,but i was gave up my career for him ,,this is different between man and woman .

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    this just proves the above mentioned :)

  • Simen Wangberg

    "he give me up because his career,,but i was gave up my career for him ,,this is different between man and woman ."

    No. This is the difference between an idiot and someone who takes care of themselves before trying to take care of others.

    More women than ever are choosing to focus on their careers before starting a family, and more men are choosing to stay at home and take care of their children.

    The 20th century called, it wants you back.

  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    no ,,,he much busy than me ,this why he need a woman stay at home to take care children and family ,,this why i need give up my career and to support him ,,i dont know what your mean about idiot ,,,but between lover ,,must someone sacrifice to keep the balance..

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    that's the problem, guys, the key word here is "mutual" :)

  • Morten Eriksen

    no answer for this question. for me, basically love is a little bit more important than career

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    @ Ann, I never blame anyone, i was just stating the obvious :)

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    Mooooooooooooooooooon, you can be very cruel!!!! but i guess, it is as you like to say - ugly truth? :))

  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    Rockstar Mooney

    You dont have any right to judge ppl here ,, what is mean intelligent & stupid??? you just know bullshit here ,,,if you never give up anything for others cause you selfish or you never get real love from others yet... So you dont have any right to say who is intelligent or stupid ,, You just a poor person who pretend stronger here

  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    maybe i am so serious ,,sorry , But is not good feeling when ppl put salt on the wound,

    Hehe i was heard that ,who seriously ,who is the loser

  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    so i will pray for you wawa

  • Lana Montana
    Lana Montana wrote:

    Moon, you forgot one little tiny thing - :))))) - so that we all can see that you are joking :)))

  • Bobo
    Bobo wrote:

    i dont understand ,what your mean last name is tic? what is mean ?

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