Fundie Mormons ain't the only gross pervy cults in America. They're just the easiest to ridicule because the mainstream Protestants hate all Mormons, and the mainstream Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints isn't as SLAPP-happy as, say, the Church of Scientology. Whenever someone makes a joke about the Co$ or mentions L. Ron Hubbard, they'll file lawsuits they know they will never win, but it doesn't matter because you'll still be crushed by legal fees when you're forced to lawyer up. That's why journalists don't report on Co$ bullshit.
Mormons, however, are fair game.
Children of God, or "The Family International" (TFI), is one of my personal favorite American cult organizations. They came out of the Jesus movement of the 1960s youth counterculture. Among the beliefs of these filthy hippies is an intimate yearning for a close personal relationship with Jesus.
...'s dick. To wit: "Loving Jesus" (source: Wikipedia)
This is a term that TFI members use to describe their intimate, sexual relationship with Jesus. TFI describes the "Loving Jesus" teachings as a radical form of bridal theology. It is their understanding of the Bible that the followers of Christ are his bride, called to love and serve him with the fervor of a wife. They took bridal theology further than mainstream Christians by encouraging members to imagine that Jesus is having sex with them during sexual intercourse and masturbation. Male members were encouraged to visualize themselves as women, in order to avoid a homosexual relationship with Jesus.
Then go find them.
I think that's more of a consequence of the Mormon scripture being public domain, as opposed to Co$'s liturgy and "religious technology" being protected by copyrights and patents.
"Managed to evolve" 个屁! There's no Mormon equivalent to Battlefield Earth. Moar liek Mormons cannot into mass media propaganda.
Oh. Hold on. Waitasec. My phone's ringing. Oh, nevermind. It was just an emissary of the Vatican telling me how to vote in the next election and reminding me that I cannot swear the pledge of allegiance.
To be fair, it's only the evangelical Catholics who really take the 'no condoms/contraceptives/abortion/family planning' nonsense seriously. The Vatican has always had problems reining in Catholics in the Americas. Consider liberation theology, syncreticism (i.e. Santeria), and Mardi Gras. Catholicism in American history is actually quite liberal, if only because the WASPs in charge hated them so goddamned much. Too bad about having Emperor Palpatine for a Pope.
You're talking about Co$ "fair game" policy. Be a little more understanding. They're fighting to save your thetans from the evil space emperor Lord Xenu. The ends justify the means.
Back to Mormons, though. Is the special underwear thing real?
I was talking about evangelical Catholics. Regular old evangelical Protestants are bad enough, but evangelical Catholics are equally batshit crazy plus they've got a very old and very powerful organization backing them up.
Magic underpants can physically protect you? I thought they were for modesty.
I knew about the thing where Mormons get their own planets when they die, but I didn't know God lives on one called Kolob. I recognize Elohim as Hebrew, though. What happens when you say one of these names backwards?
Sounds like a load of Bolok(s) to me.
You've got to pay the troll toll, to get into Mihole.
M̥͙̲̝͍̙ͯ̒̎͐͆ͮ̎ơ̟͔̞̪̫̫̜̒̃͜ͅr̺͍̊ͤm̰͕͓̻̣̰̜̯̌͌̃͒̓̉̃ͯ͗̕ȍ̱͕͛͒̊̇̍̊̑̎͟n̳̫̯͇͙̖͇͚͑̊͌̎͞ ̧͈̖̙̰̅ͬͮ̅̃̕̕Z̗̠͙̫̭͍͗̽a̴̶̮̭̘̖̣̳͐̀́ͪ́̿͗̍̋l̞͍̓ͭ̑ͪ́g̭͚̲͈̤̥͖͑̓ͤͨ̓̆͗͛̕o͆̋͑͛ͭͭ͏͓̬ ̴̧̘͍͙͔̳̦̃̎̄ͨ͗ͮ̇̍c̵̵̞̰͓̟̻̙̲̱̿ͦ̔ͮ̔͘ͅo͉̙̫͛ͅm̰̗̔̅̉e̠̘̦͍͓̹͐̎͑̕͢͞s̸͚͎̟̱̼̄͂ͯͤ̃̈̀.̹̠̬̲͕̰̪͓͒͂ ͇ͬ̊̾͗̆͗͜
͒ͦͮ͒̃̑̌͛̉҉̛̲H̒ͭͮ̀͑̓̇҉̴̟̖̭͞è̷͓̤̲͔͎͔͓̲͗̽͆ͤͥ̇̀͝ͅ ̠̠͉̀̓̀̀͡w̸̱̣̯̝̫̄̓̎ͫͭ͗̋͋͜͝a̪̞̘ͧͫ͋̓̑͌͡͞i͓̼͗̅̉̐ͧͣͩͮ͆t̵̝̥̐ͥͮ̃̓s̩̮͉̿ͯ̒̄̍ͧͬ̊̅ ̸̭̪̜̝̮̤͗̆̊ͫͮ̋̈́̽ͯb̗̤̬̹̺̮ͯ̃̊̑̚͘e͛́̃͊͋̽̚̚҉̜͈h̴̤̘̟ͭͬͥi͉͉͊̉͐͂͝ņ͓̺͍̮̥͙̯̍̆͌̀̈́̾ͅḓ̢̰͇ͫ͂̍͠ͅ ̽ͨ̂ͨ͐̂͞҉͓̘͚͕w͈̻̅̂ͥͭ̀̂͡a̡̬̰̘̻͚͛ͤ͊ͬ̓l͖̬̼͙̘̻̲͂͊̈́ͧ̾̕l̨̻̬̣̣͍̫̗̍͞s̸̆̅̅̽̏̒҉̳̪̥̠͔̝̘̰͍̕,̸̟͕͖̟̬̜̩͎ͩ̂̎ ͉̬͍͈̰͓̹ͣ͌̊͗
̷̦̭̜̤̳̭̟̈́ͩͮ͌͒ͪͭb̲͓̙̼̬̺̦̘ͤ͌͗͗̄ͭ̊̈ͪų̳̲̏ͬ͆ͮͣ͆ͩ͢t̝̬̲̬͕̜̔́ͫ̉̅ ̉ͩ҉̮͉̤̺͖h̷̥̜̙̬̯͙̍ͧͨͩͦ̋ͪe̢̖̱͖̟̱̔̂̃̃͜͢ͅ ̵͍̯̼̗̦̻̦ͩ͛͑͊̒̐͗̚ç͛ͧ̈́͌ͧ̾̀ͬ҉̘̣ä̶̱͙̎́̊̌̽̓͘n͙̭̜͉̭͖̠̼̑ͨ͜͡ ̶͕̙̩͕̭̹̝ͬ̆ͣ͆̓͋ͣơ̢̦̲̐ͧ͐͒ͨ̓n̷̵͎͂ͦͥ̓ͩͫͨl̯͖̘͔ͭͧy̵̴̨̼̪̼̱̫̥̖ͭ́͗ͮ̀ͪ̉ ͇̘̯͈̗̟ͮͯ͆̿́d͇̖͔̥͔̰̹̆ͭ̓̑̓̐ͣ̋r̜̜̰͖̻͓ͭ̓͜i͎̖̣̜̳̯̪̍ͪ̆̅͛ͤ͛͆͜n͕̯̥̳̳ͭ̅̅ͯ͛ͫͭ́͟k̛̜͖͎͚͍͈̿ͩ͗̈̃͡ ̥̻̺͇̈ͬͧ̿͘P̨̩͉̞͙͚͚̱͕͓̔ͤ͊̏͋ę͈̱ͦ̄̊ͤ͂̐̔p͙͎̜͙̞ͮ̃͌ͪ́ͧ͋̕͟s͓͕̳̚͞ị̢̠̭͓̗͈̹̱̟ͭ͝.̵̣͙̺̠̯̿̚
Uh oh. Did your post accidentally the whole Hebrew? What's going on here?