i really dont know what to say.look like you ve done a lot work for chinese girls.
The vast majority of women that you'll meet in Beijing are actually probably a mix of those two stereotypes - which is exactly what they are, BTW. Cos everyone is a UNIQUE FLOWER. Nah, just playing.
Dunno why you're so cranked up about the English-speaking chicks not wanting to speak Chinese with you. For they are probably thinking the opposite - "Why is this foreigner trying to speak Chinese with me? I just want to practice my English!"
入乡随俗 we are in China if we end up in America, there's not way I'll force her to speak Chinese with me. Improving my Chinese is and will always be a major goal of mine, but if I can't use it with the girl I'm dating, I'll be forced to spend less time with her.
Hahahaha ... Mr Tang does not seem to be a (complete) foreigner ... he knows Traditional Chinese ... so my guess might be Taiwan or Hong Kong ...
Anyway ... Tang ... the type of girl you are targeting would mostly be someone who has lived or even grew up overseas, and can still speak Chinese ... over the years, I have noticed many ABC (Australian Born) or AGC (Australian Grown) Chinese, such as my cousins and a few other girls, would tend to speak English when they were young, and the started adopting Chinese when they started Uni or working ... but, the "crowd factor" is also important ...
So ... maybe, target girls who returned from overseas?
Hahahahaha ... if even I can find a wife ... you should not have much trouble ...
There are two types of people: those who dichotomize everything, and those who aren't total cunts.
I can't find a boy friend, cause I can't find anyone can match my notorious sense of humer, no matter in English or Chinese! haha
however, answering in English is assuming I can't speak Chinese at a basic level, which I think is a little insulting. I appreciate the fact that she may be trying to help, but in fact for me it is not helping at all. If I wanted to I could approach her in English, but instead I choose Chinese for a reason.
I could find a chinese tutor anywhere, my point is i dont want to have to sacrifice my goals of improving my chinese when we are together. There are most definately ways to solve this, when we are alone only speak English, then when we are out together only speak Chinese...but the point is finding the kind of Chinese girl like that is a little difficult. Like I said, maybe I'm 太挑剔了
(continued) ... I am fairly sure that most foreigners experienced this in the past, i.e. the foreigner spoke in Chinese, but got the reply in English ... my suggestion, smile, and politely ask the other person to speak in Chinese ... I am sure it will work :)
JZ, I don't think you get it.
Let me ask the Chinese girls in the forum a question....
If a foreign guy comes up to you speaking Chinese (fluently, but a little rough at times) how do you normally react? Does it change your perception of him in anyway? If he insisted that you guys use Chinese to communicate, would it turn you off?
因为他们担心 你汉语不够好 怕对你说中文很麻烦 你也不明白
他们对自己的英文 比 对你的中文有信心
anyway i don`t think that two kind you wrote make any sens for me ...
where you usually know girls? in a party? or by hanging out?
If i ask a girl randomly, what kind of ice cream flavor did you choose in chinese...where exactly is the language barrier, if she answers in English it shows she understood, plus its not like were talking politics and I have to default to my native language. The girls I meet are everywhere, some out at a party, some at school, some in my neighborhood, at the supermarket, ect.
"it seems highly immoral to allow any girl to invest her feelings in a relationship with you, when your purpose for choosing to be with her is to soak up her Chinese."
The fact that I didn't pick up on that immediately makes me feel like an idiot. I grant you +1 interwebs, don't spend it all in one place.
Sorry, Taidje Tang. Seems you're not any better than the chicks that get with foreign dudes just to practice their English.
Also, if you're *really* having a hard time meeting Chinese women who want to speak Chinese with you, you're probably talking to the wrong ones anyway. Almost every Chinese girl I've had the pleasure to know would be delighted with the idea of having a Chinese-speaking foreign boyfriend.
what if I want a Spanish/Frensh/Italian boyfriend, who want to speak Spanish/Frensh/Italian with me all the time, despite the fact that we both know English and my Spanish is so limited as hell! maybe I'm too 挑剔了!
never speak Chinese with a Laowai, they will only make your Chinese worse! hahaha
trying to help but not helping at all,it happens too much ,maybe tell her to speak chinese to u only,u r more liki looking for language partner.
@I can't find a boy friend, cause I can't find anyone can match my notorious sense of humer, no matter in English or Chinese! haha
ur humor probaly scare the boy away before he tries to appreciate it,don't always scare a guy with a starting line of joke unlcess u mean to.
lower ur humor level then lolllllll
My man, Captain America...youre again missing the point. I have plenty of friends to speak Chinese to. If one of your highest priorities in life was to become a better chef, but because your girlfriend can already cook she doesn't ever let you cook for her, would you want to eat at home with her?
My point is that if I am going to have a girlfriend, I would like to her support me and all of my goals, one of which is improving my chinese. If she can't understand that then I will spend my time in a environment where I can speak more Chinese. It's that simple.
there is not much worse that a girl who will mislead a foreign guy to believe she likes him when in fact all she wants is to improve her english. thats ok if she wants to give it up for that at least she has the opportunity to open her mouth ;)
After all of that reasoning all you fools are reading is the part about body hair, do you not see the major differences in thinking, attitude, and behavior? It's not braodly catagorizing when in my experience this is a very noticable trend. I never said all of them are like this, but I am saying in my experience this is what I have noticed.
Hahahaha ... this site stuffed up my "ctrl F" in IE, so I cannot find where "body hair" is mentioned ... but anyway ...
Tang ... I have checked your photos, and I think I could "pimp" for you, some of them are on-job Chinese teachers ... heehee ...
... for years, I had been told that my Mandarin is really bad, and every time I asked my wife to help me, she would "yes", and then she never actually corrected me, because she said it makes no difference to her whether I speak in English or Cantonese or Mandarin, and she could understand me just fine ...
So ... if you want to meet a girl, have a relationship, while she can also help you to correct your Mandarin, that's fine, but you will need to specify it, and if she likes to help, then I am sure it will work ...
... as for the case where a stranger (female or otherwise) speaks to you in English when you spoke in Mandarin, it is also about communication, and I am sure some of them would like to help to correct your Chinese ...
... and for your comment of "I would like to her support me and all of my goals" ... I have been married for quite a while, so I think I have a little authority to say that it can never be "all" ... because sometimes, there can be conflicts, and then it also comes down to communication and compromise ...
At the end ... the one million dollar question is whether you are willing to communicate, instead of expecting some random girl to know what you want?
I am not looking for a teacher, or anyone to correct my mistakes. I am aware of them and I can correct them myself over time. The point is 刀不磨要生锈，水不流要发臭。Your advice is not bad, and you have similar experience, thanks for your help.
I just think if she can't 给我点面子from time to time and willingly speak Chinese, I don't think I'm the one being selfish.
Anyways, I am taking part in a Chinese competition Championship tomorrow afternoon and it should be on TV. If you want to check it out its 汉语之星。。。look for 邓伟升
oh well.... in this case, I'm traditional ...
right... but here is always a Ms. Stephanie... haha
I don't know why I keep clicking on 'please give me advice on my crippling emotional insecurities' or 'Help! My jingoistic conception of the opposite sex isn't getting me laid.' threads, but here we are again.
I wish getting laid was the problem...If that was ever a problem I could just call up your girlfriend and she would be in my apartment with no panties before I hung up the phone. Instead what I'm looking for is some ones perspective on how to find the right kind of girl, how ever elusive the perfect girl for me may be.
I'd like to hear more female opionions....well, besides Daniels
I'm disappointed that you went the 'I'm so mad' route and stopped at calling me a girl and 'I'd have your girlfriend'. A bit more creativity, please? And as a rule, my girlfriend doesn't go for small Asian-looking guys with illusions of entitlement.
Still, it's difficult to imagine that someone can be so oblivious to their own stupidity as to put it on a public forum, so I call troll.
"It's something about being able to act without repercussions I suppose?"
Many would consider that an advantage of the medium, Fish. Often, people are more sincere when they know there are diminished punitive consequences for speaking what's on their minds.
Don't like it? Take out a pencil and a piece of paper and write a letter to the editor. Those old farts will appreciate your wistfulness for the days when people called one another sir and ma'am.
I find it hard to date traditional Chinese girls because they may not be up to my western standards in terms of presentation and personality
Any post that has this level of prejudice and self-aggrandising is deserving of ridicule. And more than this, taking a post premised on this marginalising and chauvinistic view seriously and giving constructive criticism makes you at best naive and at worst complicit in the dickery that inspired this thread.
It's in the original post of this thread: Fish was asking why I brought negativity, so I quoted that part from the original post which seemed to me to be particularly offensive as a justification for the subsequent negativity.
Presentation is everything
(continued) ... thanks, guess I will have to read through it then ... "ctrl F" would only cause a flick on my screen, but it simply wont work ... ahhhhh ...
I feel hungry ....
Thanks. It felt good to write it.
Daniel, you go and quote me, then say I'm chauvinistic. You're a Lit guy right? Then why in the hell is your reading comprehension so shitty. It's guys like you who turn people away from posting in the forum...who wants to add to the conversation if they have to first read some chumps 2 bit analysis that totally highjacks the topic. You stop trying to 从鸡蛋挑骨头. I didn't make fun of your girlfriend because I think I "can have her", no actually anyone can, you just pick up one of those cards outside your door that say 24小时上门服务。
As for anyone else dropping their two cents, you are welcome to let me have it...just make sure you read everything I write first. If I'm chauvinistic then let a woman decide that for herself. I'd actually appreciate it if some ladies would like to share their thoughts
Taidje, it's hard to ask for constructive advice here on WLIB, isnt it? I hate it whenever people turn a discussion into a smelly battlefield.
i agree with most indicators you put up there to differentiate the two types. though, there are definitely not strict dichotomy I am sure u know that too.
as for the language thing, aaaaah, hahahaha...my friend is moving to beijing, and first thing he told me is: u gotta speak chinese with us from now on. we'll see how that goes. i think it depends on the guy's chinese ability. if he's not up to the level to pick up the humor, then i'd get bored and switch back to english. if he does, i have no problem with that. but i have to say, if having a conversation becomes like work, i'd suggest a private tutor really. it's really upsetting to talk to a guy that doesnt get it, whether in english or chinese. i think i only have spoken chinese to two guys without feeling uncomfortable. both of them speak very good chinese.
honestly, if you cant reach that level, i wouldnt suggest you to speak chinese ALL THE TIME with your gf. it's just unfair to her. maybe a mix would be good, for both of you.
I see your dilemma, Taidje. it's kind of like my dilemma with chinese/foreign guys. but i gotta tell you one thing, all the girls are looking for a sense of security in a relationship, if she's really into you, no matter traditional or westernized.
for the hair thing, and things to wear..they can all change and easy to change too. so that shouldnt be a problem for ya. but a good conversation? if she doesnt understand foreign culture and you dont know much of chinese culture..oh boy, that's gonna be tough.
actually, real traditional chinese girls dont even date laowai..not at all
so i guess whoever you meet are either westernized , or are interested in foreign culture.
It may be a possiblity that my Chinese level isn't as high as a westernized Chinese girls, I admit my Chinese is far from perfect. But if given the chance, I am very good and can communicate at a high level on various topics. I just think when you start a relationship of any kind, you tend to develop a status quo, especially with languages, and early in a relationship, that status quo should be set. Otherwise, it will be too easy to revert to English.
Anyways, I'm going to close this thread, thanks for understanding and sharing your ideas, I've already decided what must be done.
hey, Lao Lee
thanks for your compliment!
i guess then we need a definition of traditonal chinese girls. somehow, in my definition, tradtional overlapps with close-minded. i said overlappes. they tend to hold on to the tradition values in China especially when foreign culture comes in the presence in their life.
it's kinda like this orthodox jewish community i live in. those ppl wear that little hats, married women shave their head and wear a wig. they confine themselves to all the tradtional customs,and they do not open up to other cultures. they are very isolated from the rest of their city. thats traditional. ok, i admit that's one extreme. but you see what i mean. if a "traditional" chinese girl adapts to the western culture, i wonder if she can still be called traditional.
one last thing, Taidje, i think if you meet the right girl, language and all may not seem to be that much an important issue. it'd all just work out. good luck:)