Discussion » Dating & Romance » How should women spend money in relationship?

  • StrawberryIceCream
    StrawberryIceCream wrote:

    How should women spend money in relationship?

    I think to have men pay for everything is not right.

    But if let the woman pay for the most things, it is not right too.

    How should women do to make men feel comfortable?

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahaha ... many people are "stranggled" by a "standard" that should cease to exist ...

  • StrawberryIceCream

    My boyfriend pays when we are in bar and he cooks for me, I feel he is a very nice person. But the only problem is that he seems have no a normal job now. I asked him about his plan of life, he just gives me some ambiguous answer, he said he wants to do business, but he has no the money for the first business, he said he is hoping god to send someone nice to help him. I feel he is so ridiculous and naive. Yeah, he is very nice, but I have to leave him.

    Actually he did borrow money from me not long after we met, and I refused him. I feel if I give him the money, it will let him have the habbit to borrow money from me; if I don't give the money to him, I look very mean to him.

    I really have no idea how I should do towards this kind of situation. So is it common seen for a man to borrow money from his girlfriend? Of course, when the girl wants him to pay some money, he is generous too.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    I think it's fair if the dude pays the rent and the woman pays for food and utilities. Not because she should be cooking the food, but because expenses are generally lower than rent in Beijing, and this seems like a simple and elegant way of accommodating the income disparity between couples. It works particularly well for English teaching dudes and Chinese chicks.

  • StrawberryIceCream

    Yeah. I always bring some wines for him...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahaha ... SICream ... what did you mean by “he seems have no a normal job now”? Is he, like Dando suggested, an English teacher? 

  • StrawberryIceCream

    AA is good solution to me. But the problem is that he has no a job now, that is a very realistic problem, if we marry, we need money, man should pay for the most things in marriage nowadays, right?

    The biggest trouble is that he has no a job now, but he wants a baby, if we have no the money, how can we maintain our family and bring up the baby? I am really confused.

    I know for a man he must have a lot of pressure to support a family, but I did put a lot of effort to gain some money too. I want to share some good things with him too. But I worry about that if I am pregnant and he is still jobless, my life will become super helpless.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    If women were paid the same wage as men on average, going 50/50 would be appropriate. However, that's not even the case in America, let alone developing countries. Women in America only have the habit of going 50/50 as an issue of pride, not justice.

  • StrawberryIceCream

    To reply uncle DingDang, he said he ever worked for embassy, and now he quits the job. Whatever, now, he is jobless but still goes to bar often, I ask him how do you get your daily expenses, he said his rich uncle gives him money. I don't think that is true. I think he is doing something mysterious and hidding the truth to me.

    Btw, he is a nigerian, though you may say that all nigerians are liars, but I really really like this guy, he is a white-black mix race, and he owns some special charm, and I cann't find someone else looks so sincere on his face, his behaviour is decent except that he has money problem.

    
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    LOL. Truly an ancient mystery of the orient.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahahaha ... Dando ... which part?

    SICream ... I see a communication issue, instead of money ...

  • Martin Svean
    Martin Svean wrote:

    50/50 always

    uh if a girl wants money to spend, she should have a J O B

  • Simen Wangberg

    "he said he wants to do business, but he has no the money for the first business, he said he is hoping god to send someone nice to help him."

    Nice business plan.

    "he said his rich uncle gives him money. I don't think that is true. I think he is doing something mysterious and hidding the truth to me."

    "Btw, he is a nigerian"

    Umm. Did you meet your boyfriend late one night in front of the Village in SLT? Just wondering...

  • StrawberryIceCream

    Michael, you know him? He is famous in SLT area? I don't know.

  • Martin Svean
    Martin Svean wrote:

    shitz, someone please school China on the ethics of skin color.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    Let's just not go there, gentlemen. Sanlitun, that is.

  • Martin Svean
    Martin Svean wrote:

    agreed. phuck SLT

  • Stevie Wonder
    Stevie Wonder wrote:

    what is ur bf's name?maybe some of us knows him.btw,i may not know him in person but i do know everything he is tellling and the origin of it and why he is telling u cos am also from nigeria.

  • Ejdnzlaj
    Ejdnzlaj wrote:

    Michael, you know him? He is famous in SLT area? I don't know.

    Uh... oh...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahahaha ... I agree that "money" SHOULD not be an issue, and it usually is not, if we are dealing with a short-term relationship, e.g. if SICream's guy is a tourist ... however, in reality, for two persons to make ANY long-term plan, money would become one of the major issues ...

  • StrawberryIceCream

    stevie, I can tell you through PM.

  • Stevie Wonder
    Stevie Wonder wrote:

    its good u gave some info about him.money shouldn't be an issue when it comes to love but the problem is that u might love him but does he really love u or is he just playing u to make u believe he loves and cares about u?besides u are not the only girl he has.i am 100% sure of this.

  • Simen Stensvoll

    most relationships are bullshit.

    if u r bothered by such problems ,then u should get out of the shit.

     

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    Trajectory change in a wrong direction, we create job for the  jobless:)

    The only think is that StrawberryIceCream, has gone black, this is why she needs redemption.

    But she seems to like a popular guy, the guy seems to be well known in SLT, so now worries he might get cash soon aften deals

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahahahaha ... a church that create job for jobless? and can also find Mr Right for the girls? Your church's business must be very, very good ...

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    Pretty Good, we are not like those ones that ransom fellow members. We don't have Mr Right in our church as all of them are human with imperfections. I've heard the Mr Right can be found in WLIB only. That's why Uncle DD often got more invitation for date as he is a hot care and more romantic:)

  • Tina
    Tina's猫 wrote:

    i don't know why you bring up marriage and baby idea while you should give urself some time to get to know him since u have some doubts about him,NEVER GET MARRIED SO ABRUPTLY!

    about money spending,i think u can spend less time wondering about this,it's ok for you to spend more when you have the ability now.

    or you should leave him!

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    Moonriver, you mean u've been disappointed by guys b4? Sorry about that, u are such a wonderful lady. Don't let any guy dry your wallet.

  • Sakura
    Sakura wrote:

    spend money on beauty

  • Simen Wangberg

    "Michael, you know him? He is famous in SLT area? I don't know."

    :-|

    Heh. Alright then

  • Ejdnzlaj
    Ejdnzlaj wrote:

    Moonriver, you basically want the man to pay for everything?

  • Simen Wangberg

    "does he would pay the bill when you take to a nice wood furniture????   till now  i don't dare to use this way to test a guy, am afraid of have chance to see his mean side"

    Refusing to buy "nice wood furniture" doesn't make someone mean. Getting upset because someone won't buy furniture for you, on the other hand, kind of makes you sound petty.

  • Lise Eilertsen

    @Ami:

    "

    Ok. How about girls pay everything before get married, and then boys pay everything after get married. hehe.............

    "

    then this guy will never want to get married! cheers!;D 

  • Olaf G.
    Olaf G. wrote:

    I like a girl who pays everything, who wash my cloths and who cooks for me. I just stay at home and watch TV. What do i give in return? I offer medicre sex once a month. Why would i want to do that? Because I am unreasonable.

    Lets be serious: The less someone pays the more he or she loses value - even it appears on the first sight the opposite. The girl or guy who does not invest into a relation is just a totally dependent person (kind of prostitute) who loses selfvalue and value in the eyes of the other person.

    I think 50/50 is not a fair way to share. It should depend on income. If I date a student who earns nothing, I dont mind to pay. If I go out with a girl who refuse to pay her share I would dump her quickly.

    In the end people should be interested in the other person and not only in offering their body to get benefits.

  • Ms. Stephanie
    Ms. Stephanie wrote:

    Leave him not because he is jobless, but irresponsibly lying about the babe part.  He is trying to proof that he loves you very much ...

  • Martin Svean
    Martin Svean wrote:

    @sakura: if you expect a guy to buy you beauty supplies that is really odd because he doesn't use them. its you who wants to look like a fashion magazine model. so why don't you just buy it.

    as far as wages not being equal. yea that is a problem. and i feel sorry for women but i never set up that rule and in fact, i know many women who make more than I do.

    If women want equal rights then its time to treat them equally. no more soft touch.

    @moonriver.

    you expect a guy to pay for the house and do the cooking? well if he agrees its ok but you shouldn't expect this.

    the way i look at things is very simple. if you have a job, you have to put money towards whatever we need. if you don't have a job, well we won't be buying things together.

     

    most people have jobs and although there are some really lazy people in this world i have to believe that a person who sits around all day isn't going to be feeling very good about himself/herself.

    Sitting around all day playing games or going shopping isn't a productive life. its a kids life.

    by the way, at 18 years old in the USA most people already have 2 years work experience.

     

    When women cry about salary inequality I can understand but, you still have to eat and sleep somewhere. and what if you are FUGLY?

    if you do not have a guy to help you out, then what do you do?

    us men have rights too and I see no reason why men should bare the brunt of expenses.

     

    this cry from women about money is about as old as the crust stains on wang bi's underwear. you girls could have me more clever about getting your needs met.

    @strawberry:

    Both of you need to get jobs. If ya planning marriage and kid etc etc. well nobody can tell you what to do but I strongly recommend that if your man isn't working and he plans to have a family with you, he maybe is not the right guy for that .

    work makes people productive and feel being part of something. work!!!

    men have equal rights too. and I don't like females looking at men as banks.

    We work our asses off for that RMB. if you don't work and expect money coming from me. well you better be one of the best looking girls in Haidian otherwise you won't see a single mao from me.

    i am a bit traditional but wise enough to know that nobody should be staying at home unless there is a kid or an elderly person there.

    <p style="text-align
  • StrawberryIceCream

    Well. Maybe I am charmed by him. In the world, you can sell your charm with a pretty good price. right?

    Whatever, it is over, I don't buy his charm anymore.

    But I do suspect do liars have true love too? Or they only care money?

    But why even fake love is so charming? Or am I too romantic?

  • StrawberryIceCream

    But since both men and women feel tired to earn money and give money, so why marriage should exist? I think if the society allows people to keep single all their life, people should feel happier rather than feeling so bad in marriage finance.

    But people can get baby and pay for the baby 5/5 together, a good idea?

    I think it is not crazy at all.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahahaha ... but, as much as we (as individuals) made up the society, most of the society has a certain standard (or stereotype) about people at certain age should be married and have kids ...

    ... so maybe, one day, like in some of those sci-fi movies ... people over 30 will be retired from the society etc ... but until then ... this is just of many radical ideas ...

    ... hope you get better soon ...

  • StrawberryIceCream

    But I never deny that I do love him, I really love him. His earthy character makes me feel so familar, I hope he can be rich and happy forever.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    (continued) ... and so should you ... but unless I have misunderstood ... did he lie to you, or were you referring to someone else?

  • Winnie
    Winnie wrote:

    strawberryiceacream,

    your name just gave me new ideas for evening desert. thanks..

    as for your problem about that nigerian dude, it seems to me you dont even know him well enough. the fact that a guy has to ask the girl for money is simply not attractive.

    oh boy, i just remember when i was still in uni, and met this nigerian guy for the second time( not dating), he said he lost his wallet and he looked soooooo upset and said he lost his money for rent. i offered to lend him some money, he took it and never paid back. you wonder why ppl grow up and grow cold,huh..

    i dont really group ppl, but, sorry, i dont have good feelings about those guys with money issues.

    i used to be strict 50-50 person in a relationship. teenage drama, dated a guy, he paid for everything, broke up with him and unintentionally broke his heart, felt very guilty and dont let guys pay anymore.

    but now i've learned to let them pay a bit more is ok. a good change:)

  • 雪地
    雪地 wrote:

    50/50 is only fair if the salarys are quite simmilar, if someone insist to pay me a drink i never say no ^^ also depend how much you value money, as i don't care much, i don't might to spend more than 50, but usually i am short at cash so i dont :-P

  • StrawberryIceCream

    Evalyn L. I like your opinion. yes, life is dynamic.

    And Winnie, don't eat me. Haha... Lovely...

  • Stevie Wonder
    Stevie Wonder wrote:

    any girl who sits down and insist that a guy should pay for everything is a bitch.

    u ladies fight with guys about right and claim we guys should not make ourselves superior to ladies.

    u claim everyone is egual and want fairness.where is that fairness or equality when a lady insists/demands/expects a guy to pay all the bills including what she is supposed to contribute ?

    when u girls talk about guys paying everything u are making we guys look like fools.

    i would never waste my time nor money with such a lady.

    any girl who puts this as her principle/method of deciding her bf is a very stupid selfish gold digging bitches .

  • StrawberryIceCream

    But I am not a frequent visitor of sanlitun, why when people talk about sanlitun, it seems there are always something uncommon happen?

    
  • Ola Sande
    Ola Sande wrote:

    ...... = =

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