Discussion » Chinese Language & Culture » Understanding Chinese females

  • Tuco
    Tuco wrote:

    Perhaps I am deeply mistaken about this.

    Girls, if you want to get married to a Chinese guy, would you do so if:

     

    a) Does not have a house

    b) Does not have a car

     

    I do not understand most things in the mind of my Chinese friends/hosts. And sometimes I think that what I have been told, or learned, probably is wrong.

     

    Just looking for some clarity.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahahahaha ... me =/= success ...

    I know a few girls (from outside this site) who had married guys who own less than car+house, and then I also know a few who had refused to marry or divorced even though the guy(s) might be loaded ...

    Marriage, perhaps only in China anyway, is about "security", if not in monetary terms ... there is an old Chinese saying, 贫贱夫妻百事哀, which means that poor married couple have to worry about everything ... speaking as a non-successful person, we had experienced "down times" over the years when we cannot afford much, and it had indeed brought some disturbance ...

    It is understandable that most girls want to marry for "happiness" (excluding those extreme S&M relationships), and many are even prepared to go through hardships with future spouse, but it is still based on the "fact" (hence possibility) that this guy has the capability and potential to do better in future (not necessarily "filthy rich"), so as superficial as it might sound, this is not too unreasonable ...

    ... comparably ... back when the country was still running (or attempting) a communist ideal, no one talked about such, because it was a different time then ...

  • Person
    Person wrote:

    nope.

    If I am getting married, im not marrying a car or a house

    I am marrying a actual person ! 

    and no Im not emotionally crippled and  financially stable (not all girls are the same, so it is really narrow minded to category girls/guys, cuz each person is an individual)

  • Martin Svean
    Martin Svean wrote:

    right on.

  • High Priest
    High Priest wrote:

    well, as Lee mentioned, parents would like to marry their daughter to a man with a house, which symbolyses__stability.. I think, this practice has been there for years since housing was affordable, at that time it wasn't a problem. But now it's hard for working class and I think, Chinese should think of changing their mind.

    We can't look at the Chinese girls as money oriented when they request from the man to own a house. It's something that has been in their heads that a man should own a house before marriage.

    SO once u meet up the girl who is focusing on this, you've got to preach to her, educating her and let her understand that, house doesn't marry you. I'm the one that loves u and tha't enough, we work and we shall get one. How many people have everything(Cars, house), and a few days after marriage, they get divorce!

     

  • Simen Stensvoll

    yes,as long as  he has other valuable property

  • Person
    Person wrote:

    @Lee Ford

    everyone is emotionally crippled? have you met everyone then? 

    7 billion people on this planet

    oh well,  you must be really busy...

    having an emotional reaction is what we do on this forum.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    Hahahahaha ... Person ... my own interpretation of "emotionally cripped" is a weakness in personality, so I think it is "safe" to assume that everyone (or nearly everyone) is such ... even the strongest can fall and cry, and even the nicest can be very violent, or something like that ...

    And, even if you are correct and Lee is wrong, i.e. not all girls saying such are "emoionally cripped" (and I am not doubting that the slightest bit), it does not change the fact that such girls exist ...

  • Person
    Person wrote:

    I was taking the psychological path about emotionally crippled~

    this is getting so complicated, why everytime when I take a simple path to say things, others just made it to a puzzle:s

    gonna do some java now, it will make me confused, but not like this~ 

  • Kent Løset
    Kent Løset wrote:

    I dont think girls want to marry guys BECAUSE they have a car and a house... But I do think girls find well educated and successful men more attractive and interesting than guys making a carreer out of working at McDonalds. And it just happens to be that successful men are more likely to own a house and a car.

  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:

    maybe spanish people we don´t have such problems of understanding, becasue:

    spanish from country side and chinese from country side, similar way of live the life and think.
    spanish from cities and chinese from cities, similar way of life and think.
    so, we only need to know what kind of person we have in front of us, citizen or peasant, empathy does the rest.

    but, really, is not the same in other countries?

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    "Houses, cars, aquisitions are good but some ladies may choose sincer and long lasting love to others."

    I think you have it exactly backwards. The ones who will consider other factors are those who live out of poverty, in the big cities. NOT the ones from the countryside who went to the cities to make money, and not the ones living impoverished in the countryside.

    I'm not blaming anyone. If I had to live in a 2000 RMB flat due to cost (rather than because I'm a cheap ass), I would go find myself a rich chick too, and I would love her dearly.

  • Sylvia Zhang
    Sylvia Zhang wrote:

    谁敢说自己完全不在乎?这世上既当婊子又立牌坊的人太多了。。

    物质生活本来就是感情的基础。。

    只不过大家的在意有多有少罢了。。

  • Peter S 李贝勒

    A chinese girl said to me about this question, very often girls are in "no money no honey" way of life...

  • Stine Ekren
    Stine Ekren wrote:

    从这一点看,还是要大力支持“门当户对”这个封建观念的~

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    貌似在另一个帖子里的回复放在这里更贴切一些:

    中国女多男少的情况,基本上不会给我们圈子里的女生提供任何选择优势。相反,中国几个大城市的常住居民的适婚人群(暂时就用这个词儿了,虽然这个词儿不准确,因为人成年之后一直到老其实都适婚)基本都是女多男少,同时由于女性的择偶标准普遍不切实际地虚高,而符合这些标准的男人总是有限(这并不是男人不靠谱儿造成的,而是女性的平均期待值和男性的正态分布均值不匹配造成的),于是这个圈子里的女性择偶选择面更小。

    很多人奇怪于为什么现在剩女(这个词儿没有歧视的意思,且仅指代心中其实很想嫁人,但因为种种原因久久未嫁,且各项事实“竞争优势”已开始下降的女性)这么多,这其实不奇怪,纯是供需关系决定的。“供大于求”的结果只能是给部分男性提供了很强的market power。而满足了需求之后的供给部分,可以选择不改变市场定位,继续选择供给特定人群,于是“价格”必然下降,意味着你只能承受高风险低回报而以小三儿的身份存在,或者就一直这么剩下去;也可以选择改变市场定位,“价格”也会下降,但结果是低风险低回报,最终收益率取决于改变市场定位后,心态是否能调整好。如果调整不好,就很可能回报为负了。

    说白了,需求供给要匹配。男人和女人都要问自己一个问题(这么说是为了公平,但现实中是女人更需要问):为什么在一个高的“价格水平”上,会出现供大于求的局面?不管怎样,这必定意味着供给方有一大部分并不“值”这个“价格水平”。这些人是谁?会不会其实就是我?

    我这全套说法都显得很庸俗而功利,但基本上意思就是如此。而且,首先,这个“价格水平”的内容,并不只是金钱地位,脸蛋儿身材,还包括其他很多东西,例如经历学识能力眼界品味人生观价值观等等;其次,我确实相信真正的爱情是超越一切的,只是,当一个姑娘在纯粹的爱情发生的同时,也意识里或潜意识里,用这些“庸俗而功利”的东西打量身边的男人,盘算自己的未来,你在被这种“庸俗而功利”的逻辑大关系左右时,就不应该去抱怨这个逻辑,这个社会“庸俗而功利”—当你用“女人嘛,总是要为自己盘算的,这很正常”这种话为自己辩解时(我确实觉得女人为自己盘算没有任何问题),“社会嘛,始终就是这么运转的,这也很正常”

     
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    至于什么房子啊,车啊,事情也很简单。

    女人该不该追求这些?或者说该不该把这个当成择偶的重要因素?再或者说,女人该不该太过看中男人的经济能力?在我看来,这纯粹就是个人选择,根本无所谓该不该。

    但这个个人选择,始终有个前提,每个人都最好明确:自然男女比例是1:1,中国男女比例是1.X:1,但大城市里是1:1.X,我们姑且就算是1:1好了。这意味着所有选择都是双向的。你做了选择,同时也就意味着你要去竞争;你有着高的期待,也就意味着你面对的竞争更激烈(所谓风险和收益成正比)。

    我还是不太想去评价现在中国女性的“个人选择”是否合理,也不太想评价有多少女人并没有意识到选择是双向的,也不太想评价有多少女人并没有意识到以“年轻”,“脸蛋儿身材”作为唯一的竞争砝码是极不靠谱儿的。我只是想说,不管她们明白不明白,姑娘们也都在竞争,竞争就总是有失败者,或者暂时受挫者。如果这些姑娘们在受挫时开始抱怨这个社会功利现实,但愿他们能认识到,自己其实也使得这个社会变得功利现实了一点点~

  • Martin Svean
    Martin Svean wrote:

    no money no honey fo sure

  • Amalie Sæverud

    Dafan  作为现代都市男女关系的实践者和教育家 已经走出了一大步,希望你再接再砺,传播福音 救广大都市剩女于水深火热之中! lol

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    DND,可惜我能力有限啊,帮她们解闷儿娱乐还说得过去,更多的就算了 :(

  • Peter S 李贝勒

    Prostitution is the act or practice of providing sexual services to another person in return for payment...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    哈哈哈哈,Cathy,分几个角度来看。。。

    首先,没有房子,也不一定是睡在街上!很多也可能是跟家人,亲戚一起住,或者也是“北漂”,在北京跟人合租。。。我太太当时是“悉尼漂”,也是跟几个女孩合租的。。。

    我相信,怎么也有一小部分外地人,不想(也不是)跟北京女孩交往,无论那是有什么原因。。。而且,北京女孩也不一定有房子。。。

    但,我同意:“哪个国家哪个民族哪个地区都一样”。。。

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    。。。

    哈哈哈哈,我又错了。。。

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