Discussion » Dating & Romance » Open Relationship???

  • Jack
    Jack wrote:

    What's the real meaning of open relationship and its limitations? still confusing for me...

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Simple, this is when men want women to open for them without any other considerations like love, money or dating. 

     

    And i am sober because yesterday i was morning.

  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    oh ....

  • Simen Wangberg

    No.

    An "open relationship" as defined by most, is a relationship that does not feature monogamy as its main tenet. People in open relationships are allowed (to varying degrees) to have intimate relations with other people.

    For example: a man and a woman have established an open relationship. They agree that both parties may have sex with other people, but are not allowed to actually spend the night/sleep with their extra partners.

    The "rules" of open relationships vary from person to person.

    And this is how bored I am.

  • Joakim Berg Solum

    I once had a Chinese girl tell me she was in an "open relationship." I thought "hmm, OK I guess I'm gonna bang a girl who has a boyfriend tonight" but later on she revealed that she thought open relationship meant a relationship that the rest of the world knew about. As in the openness referred to the fact that the relationship wasn't a secret.

  • Simen Stensvoll
    are you guys serious? i was always eager for an open relationship ...now im confused
  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Mike, do you mean it is the same as NSA?

  • Daniel
    Daniel wrote:

    NSA is essentially just the physical act of sex. You don't really need to be in a relationship, open or otherwise, to be looking for NSA sex.

    An open relationship isn't exactly the same as NSA. You can have a very serious relationship with your partner whilst still being open to sleeping with other people for any number of reasons. It's difficult to really define explicitly because it does vary from person to person but as Mike has already pointed out, a relationship is traditionally seen as exclusive(you don't fuck other people, basically!) whereas an open relationship is the opposite(you can fuck other people).

     

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    So i was right. It does not involve love, but just a relationship between two people that has no commitment and love, but some passion maybe and sex full stop.

  • Daniel
    Daniel wrote:

    Well, not really. There are loads of situations where two people who love each other would agree that they could sleep with other people. Off the top of my head:

    -One partner is disabled from the waist down.

    -One partner has a higher sex-drive

    -Long-distance relationships

    Not everyone has a black and white idea of what constitutes a loving relationship. Just because most people think loving someone means you only want that person doesn't mean everyone thinks that way or believes that, there are alternatives to this commonly-held belief.

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    I can see it would be showing great love to allow your girlfriend sleep with another man because she might have a high sex drive than you have. Ohh, well, love seem to still remain a mystery. 

     

    Is there something like a closed relationship and ajar relationship?

  • Simen Wangberg

    My buddies and I took some acid. We were out on a drive in one of those talking cars. So we pull over and it says "the door is ajar".

    We thought about that for like eight hours, man.

    "The door is a jar...but how can a door be a jar...why would they put a jar on a car??"

    "The road is melting..."

    "Put it in the jar!"

    - paraphrasing from an excellent Bill Hicks bit about driving while taking acid.

     

    No COOL, there is no such thing as a "closed" or "ajar" relationship. Although I think some people might feel that way sometimes.

    "love seem to still remain a mystery"

    Something like that, yes.

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Hahhahaa, you did not know what "ajar" meant? So you were looking for a jar on the door!!!

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    Open relationships demand a lot more work from all parties involved in order to be emotionally fulfilling. It's nothing like "no strings attached" sex.

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Already said.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    A lot of people think it's all fun in games but it really is a lot harder than a "normal" monogamous relationship. Any sign of drama and people start gossiping that the girl is a slut or a whore, and that the guy is gay or a pimp.

    In fact, people misinterpret "open" as meaning active, fun, or not serious. In fact openness connotes honesty and straightforwardness in English. But this meaning is lost in translation.

    More often, people who go for this sort of thing are just disillusioned with the commodification of romantic relationships.

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    JZ, about half of my Chinese friends from Beijing who were living in the states had ”open relationships" with their girlfriends back home. Basically, the guys were allowed to fuck everyone they could get their hands on, as long as they didn't tell the girls about it. The girlfriends were always aware of it though.

    The conditions for the girls were slightly different. They could date and have sex with whoever they wanted, but they were required to pretend that the guys were just friends, and the boyfriends would never be required to admit that the girls were also having sex with other guys.

    Or maybe this is just called "mutual cheating"?

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Then it is not an open relationship. I think with open, both must know that my girl is now having sex with a man at this time and that my boyfriend is having sex with a girl right now. That is being open. You can even call him when you are busy and tell him the fun you are having or even let him hear the noises, sorry, cries, sorry again, whipping, again sorry.....

     

    How do they call that sound?

  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    I think conclusion is "open sex behind the curtain", am I right?

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Why put a curtain?

  • Simen Stensvoll
    i thought "open relationship" means serious & stable relationship..when someone's status says "in an open relationship with someone",he or she probably wants to tell us that he or she is not allowed to fuck anybody else now.im totally wrong!!
  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    Just to make people curious ;)

  • Simen Stensvoll
    life is nothing more than a joke
  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Ehh, you always thought it means to make the rest know that these two are in a relationship. Poor young girl Miss K in Fall. Too bad, you are totally wrong.

  • Simen Stensvoll
    oh jesus christ,please take me home
  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    Miss K in Fall,

     

    Me or God. Please be specific. Do not make my heart bleed.

  • Simen Stensvoll
    so even God's name is not jesus christ????my heart is bleeding~~
  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    @ Smile Love.

    This is so poetic. Why use Elizabethan English or to say, Shakespeare's English. Please, a little soft for some of us. What do you mean fair lady?

  • Saina
    Saina wrote:
    It's not K's fault, I'd say 99% of Chinese girls don't know that an "open relationship" means that both parties are allowed to sleep with other people. As Jon's girl said, we natually translate "open relationship" into “公开恋情“, which is a very committed form of relationship that all your friends, relatives and even colleagues know about, the opposite of "open relationship" here is "secret relationship". However, when I saw the " in an open relationship" option for the first time I was confused too as I think if you choose to say that you are "in a relationship" it means that you would not keep it as a secret (otherwise u could just choose " single" ), then I thought maybe it means that you are in a relationship now but you are ready to get out of it as soon as you meet someone else. Now it turns out that it means" I have a bf/gf, but I may say yes if you want to bang me" . I can't imagine a girl says that....
  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:
    @ Sai Na: haha... u can imagine it?
  • Simen Wangberg

    Hahahaha. A lot of Chinese gals' profiles on this site just got more hilarious. Oh the confusion. No wonder everyone here is so frustrated all the time.

  • 哎呀
    哎呀 wrote:
    "I opened a relationship with a guy years ago, and now I wonder if I should close it."
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    Some people have limited imaginations.

  • Saina
    Saina wrote:
    yeah, I'm glad that it got improved here
  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    @ Nomina,

    That is if you can close it tight. Otherwise, you might think you have closed it and we find another thread just like many here about how you should be a friend to an ex, and how you still have feelings. If you close it, close it water tight and throw the keys to me to keep them for you. 

    Not so? Hahahhaa

  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:
    how many of you support such relationship?
  • 残乐
    残乐 wrote:
    so far no gals are standing on your side~
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    That's because women are the fairer sex and they have the good sense and modesty not to share details of their personal lives on a public forum full of unwashed goons like you, particularly not when it comes to controversial alternative lifestyles.

  • Fazio
    Fazio wrote:
    I think,actually the MAN want to sleep with every each girls who he wants. But they dont want to agree their girl friend do the same thing. But,again.The guy thought or the girl shout:"Its not fair" So,open-relationship is invented...
  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:
    Thats true, in heart most of us wanna enjoy sex with many but if we ever think the same about our partner then may be get blow up.. human nature is complicated and injustice behavior for this aspect flows in our blood...
  • Christian Hansen
    Open relationship is the relationship between two people afraid of commitment...
  • Yumiko_wang921
    u can do whatever u want,but do not hurt your love. i only have one question that is will you have sex with your friend's lover one day?about this what do u think?
  • Nadia Scheie
    Nadia Scheie wrote:

    does it mean you ar not date any more~and aware of u ar in a relationship???

     

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    Sai na: Now it turns out that it means" I have a bf/gf, but I may say yes if you want to bang me"

    Haha, but I think that's what "it's complicated" means. I guess the difference is that in an "open relationship" the partner knows that you're trying to bang other people.. I see lots of girls with "it's complicated", and it always means available.

  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    @ Yumiko: as explained above by people, in open relation you can even have sex with your friend's lover.

  • Simen Stensvoll
    of course u can if ur friend won't mind
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:

    do you remember when you went with your parents in a toy-store, and daddy or mum said to you: what toy do you want? if you want this toy then the others no....

    this is the same in one sense

    some kids know what they truly want, no doubts, and they don´t need have the door open.   

    other kids don´t know what they want, they fear have only this toy (maybe in the future they will be boring of play with this toy, so better have many). They are in a open relation with their toys :P 


    the limitations? compromise and take seriously the relation, becasue this is just for fun. 

    live the life with light luggage, all us know that the modern life is uncertainty, and social situations change very fast, one day you are working in one city and the next day in other bla bla bla, so ties and compromises are not the winner tactic, better have 1500 lights friends on myspace than 8 real friends, a solid net of hundred weak ties will be the winner bet, isn´t it?

     

     

     

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    @Yumiko, J. Phillip,

    "as explained above by people, in open relation you can even have sex with your friend's lover."

    Nobody said that, and that's an astoundingly stupid conclusion to draw. Just because someone is in a non-exclusive relationship doesn't mean their friends are, or that they're incapable of regard for their friends' feelings.

  • Dadalee
    Dadalee wrote:
    i am a passger
  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    @ Dando: you mean people should discuss about "sex with friend's lover" in words? the statement, sex with anyone doesn't include "friend's lover" ? haha.. :)

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    @J. Phillip,

    Search for "sex with anyone" produces 0 results.

    All "open relationship" means is that people are in a committed relationship but it's not exclusive. They can see other people. That does not imply that they sporadically fuck in the street like animals in heat. Are you trolling, or are you really this thick?

    ITT: dumb shit breeders believe, OR: why Dando will be on the robots' side during the apocalypse.

  • Mari Vidste
    Mari Vidste wrote:

    assuming the robots would have you on their side...

    face it, the apocalypse will not be a golden age of troll appreciation...

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    @Conan,

    You call this trolling? Please.

    I'm pretty confident that our future robot overlords will be motivated by cutthroat utilitarianism rather than ideological purity, and can recognize and exploit this useful idiot. Are your robots Republicans?

  • Maggie
    Maggie wrote:

    ? what's NSA short for?

  • Alexander Mostue

    no strings attached sex

  • Alexander Mostue

    selfish & self-deceiving

  • R-R
    R-R wrote:

    So "open relationship" means no serious involve for boys,but for some reason girls think it should be serious to them and let everyone else know it....

    Isnt it a joke...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    I know many people (mainly girls, of course) on this site who have "open relationship" (some call it "sex partners", or maybe that meant entirely something else?), but as Rui/Rose might have hinted, most of them are actually looking for committment, sadly, they found none and hence had to settle for the second best, i.e. an open rel ...

  • MPA茉茉
    MPA茉茉 wrote:

    love & relationship r totally different things!!!!

  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    @ Dando: haha... ok then tell me what people here think about open relationship?

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    @J. Phillip,

    People here think?

     

    @Rui/Rose,

    That's rather insulting. I mean, perhaps the boyfriend/girlfriend status is sort of ambiguous in an open relationship, people are still nonetheless friends. And isn't camaraderie serious? Or do you only keep your friends around for talking to when you're bored of your boyfriend?

     

    @Enso,

    Why don't you clarify yourself before I'm compelled to crudely point out the contradictions in those last two sentences?

  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    @ Dando: HERE stands for in this discussion. 

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    @J. Phillip,

    That's a terrible acronym.

  • Hanne Jensen
    Hanne Jensen wrote:

    @ Dando: Hmmm? I didn't use any acronym..

  • Maggie
    Maggie wrote:

    though much later, I still wanna thank C.Lim times.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    @Enso,

    And... you fucking fail. Go stand in the corner. You should feel ashamed for what you've done here. Sex isn't for joy and pleasure? I don't know about you, pal, but I don't think about reproduction when I've got my face buried in my partner's gash.

    Being friends-with-benefits means there are no emotions involved, you say? Where the hell do you get that idea? You don't have any emotional regard for your friends? Anyone who undervalues friendships in such a way ought not to be involved in something they (mistakenly) regard as "more serious". The longer this thread continues the more certain I am that it's this illusive monogamist philosophy that's broken.

    As for the contradiction you failed to clear up: polygamy refers to an institution of marriage where one can be wed to more than one person. That's marriage--a socially sanctioned relationship where two (or in this case more than two) people share a home and resources. More often than not, it's sanctified by a religion (i.e. old school Mormonism and many forms of Islam). Polygamists are not swingers, they don't normally engage in NSA sex, and it does not sanctify extra-marital affairs.

    Or, if you prefer, polygamy constitutes a "relationship"--maybe even one where you put your hands up and flex your fingers to make little quotation marks like a prick. Thus, comparing an open relationship to polygamy invalidates your statement that an open relationship is not really a relationship.

    Luckily, open relationships have nothing in common with polygamy other than being different from what you think of as so-called "traditional" romantic monogamist marriage that's only been popular among the masses for the last hundred years or so.

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