Discussion » Dating & Romance » signed, sealed and delivered

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹) wrote:

    ...

    Just read this article from China Daily this morning, and for those of you (esp the girls) who had ever wondered about that question ...

    今天早上看见"中国日报"里面的这一篇文章,要是那位女孩子有考虑过同样的问题,这绝对是值得一看的...

    Time to evict the renter

    By Dinah Chong Watkins (China Daily)
    Updated: 2010-08-05 07:55

    http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2010-08/05/content_11099054.htm

    Some key phrases:

    ... Surveys show that the majority of men decide within a few dates whether the woman they're dating has the makings of a potential wife.

    ... While there are too many disparities between males and females to list, two of the more noteworthy differences are a man's need for physical companionship and a woman's need for emotional intimacy.

    ... men using intimacy to gain sex and women using sex to gain intimacy

    ... How do you find out whether he's a buyer or a renter? The method is surprisingly easy and has been tested time and time again. Don't have sex.

    ... sex is just a matter of mashing up bits and pieces together at various angles

  • Simen Wangberg

    Ha.

    Find me a non-Christian man that is actually willing to wait until he's married to have sex.

    Anyone that can find this elusive man is thereafter invited to go unicorn hunting with me.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... rare, but they do exist :)

    The article did not say not to have sex before marriage, just that the girls should hold back on it and need to be certain about the intention of the guy or where the relationship is going, before jumping into bed with him ... considering all the forum threads (here or otherwise) and private conversations with all the girls I have had over the past few years, I do agree with this principle :)

    By the way, I am not non Christian, but where is the unicorn? or mermaid?

  • Ed Legend
    Ed Legend wrote:

    Utter tripe. Sex contributes to a healthy relationship and few right-minded individuals will think of marriage when in a relationship that isn't healthy.

    With the conclusion that is seemingly reached by the author, the article would be more appropriately titled: "How to lose 'Mr Right' in a month."

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... good luck to you, Ed :)

  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    Scientifically, sex is healthy. It is one of the best exercises to keep one fit in both body and mind. And for the ladies, men provide proteins to them, so they will get more healthier and have a fine skin.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... I cannot agree more, my observation was that a lot of freshmen grew from slim to "bell shape" (or pear shape) in less than one year, so it is possible that all the protein had saturated in certain part of the body ... or perhaps the side effect of the pills :)

  • Joakim Berg Solum

    If you want a soul-less business-like relationship like the type many of our older generation of Chinese people find themselves stuck in, follow this article's advice. Personally I'd be happy to take some turmoil in exchange for some passion.

    For the love of god people... Sex is not something women give away! It's something people enjoy together.

    Nothing to see here...

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... Prof Gu, been expecting you ... that means your comrades should be here soon ...

    Interestingly, words can often be interpreted in many ways, and this article did not suggest not to have sex, it was merely that "dont use sex to gain intimacy", and if this might have ruined the battle plan(s) for anyone out there ... oh, well, so be it :)

  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    @叮噹叔叔 How more can you show intimacy in a love relationship. Lets throw the whores out of this, and look at the spices of love that can cause intimacy. I want to tell you that at times it is the chemistry of the body that works this out, just like a reflex action, because people feel there is something missing about there love. Have'nt you studied this in lovetimology studies, if not, have a drink.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... COOL ... that's an excellent question, and I have not expected anything less from you, but as you might recall, I dont drink, not much anyway, thanks though  :)

    Again, let me state that I believe in "freedom of choice" and I am NOT against anyone having pre-marital sex, I just dont agree with equating sex as a "must have" in a relationship ... i.e. the idea of "you (the girl) will need to have sex with me (the guy) to prove that this relationship is going somwhere" ...

    I have met with other girls (Chinese or otherwise) who believes in having "sex partners", and I have nothing against that at all, it only meant that they know what they are in for and everyone is getting what they want ...

    However, there are many (girls) who dont know what they are getting into, only thinking that "if I have sex with him, he will like me more and marry me" ... call it naive, call it a lie, call it anything, but this happens very often, and we have seen (read) it from this forum, as well as hearing it directly from the girls ...

    So, I dont disagree with "sex = intimacy" ... but it needs to be handled with care ... "signed, sealed and delivered", but it is also "fragile" ...

     

  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:

    Ah it had been a long time (1 or 2 days I guess) since no one said some shit about having sex...

    I was worried about this forum, but now I'm feeling better!

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    I think there is a simpler way to put this. The basis for a relationship will pretty much be tied to how the relationship starts.

    If the relationship starts with sex, then it will be a relationship based on sex.

    If the relationship starts with friendship, then it will be a relationship based on friendship.

    There is one caveat to this. A relationship based on friendship might be more appealing to women as it could be perceived to have a longer lifespan (and really, most women are considering marriage potential). But, I have only ever heard of one relationship that didn't include lots of great sex where the guy wasn't making up for it on the side with other girls.

    Girls may want to keep in mind that there are no traditional men who believe that having sex is like marriage commitment, so it should not be used as a way of hooking a man. It should be used for fun!

  • Joakim Berg Solum

    "this article did not suggest not to have sex" except for the words you outlined in red that says "Don't have sex."

     

    Also... I know I've said this before and I also realize that relationships and love aren't really "logical," but the following is NOT a logical female flow of thought and I just do not understand for the life of me why it happens:

    Guy: "We are just friends... I know you like me but if we have sex it doesn't mean anything, maybe we are just friends and also sex partners, but that doesn't mean we should become attached to each other or be in a relationship..."

    Girl: "OK!"

    Coitus

    Girl: "Why won't you love me????"

    Guy: "Um, what?"

  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    I am neither in for things like fornication, but like i was saying, some people do not feel the intimacy without sex. That is a feeling that comes as time goes by. A lady friend once confided in me and told me that her boyfriend has never asked for sex since they had met, that was 6 months. Being a jolly man, the lady told me she thought he might be having an affair with another lady that is why he was not minding about having sex with her. All i am saying, some people will feel insecure if their partners do not ask for sex.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... "sex sells" ... the highlight was to get people thinking, I am sorry for bad advertising ...

     

  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    @叮噹叔叔 You seem a pious man, tell, did you first get married? Hahahahhaa, this is a secret, no one else is reading this.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... shhhh, come closer ... my first ever GF took off with another guy, because she wanted "other experience" ... actually, I have been a "loser" all the way when it comes to relationships ...

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    Hahah Jon.. It's really too bad I'm going to miss your arrival.

    But C'mon, you know girls are looking for the code in what you say. They don't understand that we just say what we mean.

    Girl: He said he didn't want a relationship, but then he took me home from the bar and had his way with me. Now he acts like I'm not even his girlfriend. If he didn't want to be committed to me, why would he have sex with me?

    Boy: ...

  • Joakim Berg Solum

    Apparently this city can't handle the two of us together. You know... entropy and all. Or whatever the fuck, it's been a while since I took physics.

  • Synne Syverstad

    哟,挺热闹~四方会谈~观摩。。。

  • Petter Meisfjordskar

    And now someone writes in Chinese, ohh God!!!  Let me look for my translator. Will be back.

  • Synne Syverstad

    haha~My English is not enough for express my feeling~

  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    This is what my translator is giving me. "Yo, the very lively ~ four directions discuss ~ to observe and emulate. " Seems it is wrong.
  • Synne Syverstad

    e.... should be "hmm, hot discussion...  Four-Party Talks~ observing aside~"

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    我始终在顺应最近中文贴大流行的趋势,顺便四处贡献一点儿~

    至于文章嘛,其实还是有道理的。跟人上床,不论对男对女,都应该是一件主动享受的事情。如果你跟人上床,更多的目的不是为了纯粹享受性,也不是明确了intimacy的关系后,再去发展成性,而是为了通过性,去寻求intimacy的感觉,那基本上你就只能期待男人也是跟你思路一个样了。可惜事实是,几乎没有男人会这么想,而且他们不但不这么想,而且还会觉得你的想法很奇怪,狠傻B。。。

  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    Another Chinese piece. Ehh, let me consult my secretary. Will be back soon.
  • Synne Syverstad

    大范儿的一大贡献就是说明男人这个物种的想法~这个还是很重要的~知己知彼,百战不殆~但是吧……算了,哪儿那么多但是……

  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    The translations i get seem weird. I give up. All in all, everyone looks at love, sex and intimacy in a different way. The fact that we are people of different tastes, we can never have a common stand on such issues. It at times depends on the experience one has gone through and what he or she wants. Love and intimacy are like the wind that swirls around in different directions, and thinking about how best these two can blend is like chasing the wind itself, or even trying to count the number of holy ghosts on the pin's eye.

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