Discussion » Beijing Life » Single Mom

  • Maggie Wang
    Maggie Wang wrote:

    In Beijing of China. You need to apply birth certificate if you would birth baby. and need to support documents for birth certificate. docutments include marriage certificate and no children certificate etc.

    what shall she do if she is single mom.baby single parent will be affected to get identity, or cannot entry school?

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    from what i've heard, a person couldn't get a license to have a baby without the father. I imagine it's never an issue because Chinese people would look down on a woman too much if she had a baby without being married to the father, so fetuses are always aborted if the father and mother don't want to marry.

    I'm just guessing though; I've never fathered any fetuses.

  • Maggie Wang
    Maggie Wang wrote:

    The Doctor will encourage women birth the baby whatever the situation. ask women won't do abortion. But another side the society cannot be abide baby without father. and it's really difficult to live in other countries with pregnant alone. take care of self and have to work. if they knew that woman is pregnant, the boss doesn't like to employ her.

  • Maggie Wang
    Maggie Wang wrote:

    I think there are so many problems for the single mom. I would make a group for them. They can help each other..or at least they can face to the society with courage.

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    Maggie, how does the doctor encouraging the woman to have a child work out with the planned parenthood initiative? Wouldn't there be a concern that the father would conceive another child?

    Although I guess the idea of "one child per woman“ would work out at least as well as "one child per couple". Are there many single women mothers in China? I can't imagine a woman keeping a sex partner's fetus in China unless the reason they weren't married was because he died.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    From what I have heard, slightly different from what Ming said, the "look down" part is NOT the cause of the system but more like the "result" ... and I think the justification of the system is to encourage legitimate child birth and "healthy" family, but as the old saying goes, "the system is dead (rigid, inflexible), while human is alive" ...

    I have actually chatted with three young girls like this, ranging from 25 to 30, and here's the simple versions of their stories ...

    1. the GuangZhou one is (or was, the "man" had left her recently) the GF (not legally married) of a Taiwanese man for 5/6 years with a daughter together, but being NOT married, the daughter has the "hukou" of her mother ...

    2. the Beijing one has a 10yo son from a "boyfriend" ... struggling with money and having all sorts of trouble getting her son into a better school mainly due to hukou ...

    3. the other one is in HeBei, with a 3yo son, asked me once to adopt her son so that he can have overseas citizenship, instead of struggling to find a place in school ...

    Ming ... you said " I can't imagine a woman keeping a sex partner's fetus ..." ... well, though I have only got a small sample of three here, it seems that this is actually quite common ... the general pattern that I have heard is something like this:

    Some men (used to be mainly Taiwan, Hong Kong, now perhaps mainland Chinese and perhaps even foreigner) might come to a city to open a factory or is the top manager of company ... then he met a girl, bought her all sorts of goodies, including a house, car, Gucci, LV etc, promised her that they will get married, and turned her into his mistress or "concubine", then out of love, she gave the man a (illegitimate) child, hoping to build a family ... but due to work or whatever reason, the man had to leave town and her, and if she is lucky, she might be left with "something" (money, maybe a house, a car etc) inlcuding a shattered dream, a broken heart and a child ...

    So some possible solutions, and issue(s) ...

    1. Find another man to get married and then adopt the child, or just find a man (or couple) to adopt the child ... but the Chinese tradition is such that most (if not all) men dont like to bring up a child that is not his own, meaning that this is quite often a dead end  ...

    2. As above, but choosing a foreign man instead ... but as we all know, there is an unbalance of supply Vs demand, the "competition" is very fierce, with a lot of girls just as good looking (if not better) but without "attachment" ...

    3. Migration ... some of them have to work and study hard, hoping to migrate with her child, and then raised the child overseas ... but this is also not easy ...

    ***

    Maggie ... did you mean a "group" in WLIB? I think that would be a good idea for them to share ideas and stories, but I dont believe there would be a lot of them in WLIB ... and even if so, if they do intend to find a partner here, due to fear of rejection, my guess is they might not want to volunteer the fact that they have a child ... what do you think? :)

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    DD, I'm a little surprised you know so many examples. Most people I've heard about get married right away, or get the abortion right away. But then, I don't know any concubines attached to rich immigrants. Even in those cases, I still would have thought if the man won't marry the concubine when she gets pregnant, that she would end it.

    In the case of the one with the Taiwanese father, this child could actually have Taiwanese citizenship if the dad just admitted it was his kid, right? What an ass for committing his child to line in Mainland forever.

    Oh, come to think of it, I guess these guys are all assholes, actually.

  • 哎呀
    哎呀 wrote:

    Single moms can not get the "Hu Kou" for their children, that's what I know. This will affect those children going to public kindergardens and public schools. But if you have enough money, you can choose to study in private schools.

    I think there are some "single mom group" on the internet, you can find more useful infomation there.

    It's difficult to be a single mom in every country. Good luck to them!

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... Ming, stick around, there could be more surprises ... cant promise if they are all good though ...

    The "concubine" cases are (or were) quite common ... it was usually some men flashing their money, found a target, decided to do some financial aid, and being that the girl has nothing to pay back, a suggestion was made, and the rest is, well, "history" ... such cases usually applied to girls who just finished school, or came to the big city (or bigger town) from a small village ...

    And of course, we have some "reverse" case, i.e. the gold diggers, who would throw themselves at the men, then agreed to be a all-paid-for mistress, with house and car etc ... some of these might consider abortion, but being that it is legal to give birth in Hong Kong and then the baby would automatically obtain HK residency, some of them would not mind having such a child, for whatever reason they might have ... and I can think of a few ...

    Those three friends I was talking about, I only know the story of the one with the Taiwanese men, the other two, I hardly knew much ...

     

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    Oh DD, that reminds me, I'm trying to get rid of a girl who seems to think she's my daughter. Would you be willing to adopt her? She's slightly older than normal for this situation though.. Is it ok to adopt a 22 yr old?

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... did she call you "daddy"? maybe she does not want to be adopted ...

    *wink* *wink* ...

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    In 2100, our offsprings will be massively produced and raised by the Matrix, we just provide eggs and sperm to the Matrix, that's enough. Coitus is no longer an act of reproduction, but we just fuck for fun. The concept of "mother" and "father" will be out-dated, children are took care of by nobody but the MATRIX. ETC...

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    I for one am ready to thrust boldly into that brave new world. Then again, some say I am more machine than man.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    If any westerners are aghast that children born out of wedlock are not admitted into public schools, consider this:

    If a woman is being beaten by her husband, and she kills him, she gets life in jail if she can prove that she was acting in self defense. If she can't prove that she was in immediate danger of being murdered herself, she gets the death penalty.

    What do you think happens to the kids?

    Whether or not you agree with the punishments handed down by the legal system, you can't deny that treating "unwanted" kids as legal non-entities constitutes a serious threat to social stability. What the fuck do you think they'll be like in twenty years with no education and no opportunities?

  • Maggie Wang
    Maggie Wang wrote:

    The young couple is exciting to make love. They cannot control their passion. When the new little heart is coming, they are all adrift. If the boy doesn’t want to marry, the girl is very difficult to keep baby by herself in Beijing I think. I admire single moms. If the mom wants to keep that baby born out of wedlock, I hope that children love and understand their mom. and won't complain the difficult life.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... havent anyone heard of a rubber? I just threw a video into one of the threads about how a rubber was made, isnt that enough to remind people to use one? Perhaps not ... heehee ...

    ... but, having chatted with so many girls over the years, including many from this site, a few have expressed that they dont like the feel of a rubber, on the other hand, I have also talked to a few who always kept a couple of them in their purse or bags ...

    Anyway, due to legal issues or otherwise, the child could be looked down throughout his/her life from the time he/she was born, so from that point of view, it is a "selfish" thing to do if a girl keeps the baby (and become single mom) for "false promise/love" or "blind faith" ...

     

     

  • Simen Wangberg

    "The young couple is exciting to make love. They cannot control their passion."

    Bullshit. If you can't keep yourself in check long enough to throw on a raincoat, you shouldn't be fucking. EVER.

    "...havent anyone heard of a rubber?"

    Exactly.

     

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahahaha ... Mike, that particular species is called "teenagers", quite common in fact ... and we have all evolved from that ...

    As much as I respect single mom, but bringing an innocent life into this world, has the same, if not more, level of seriousness as taking someone's life from this world (kill, or euthanasia), and it comes with responsibility, so dont do it because "cannot cotnrol" ...

  • Simen Wangberg

    Fo sho, Uncle DD. I wasn't the wisest teenager, but I still always made sure to wrap that shit up. There is no good excuse. And I agree that it's almost comparable to euthanasia or murder - I honestly think people put too much of a premium on living. Like "Wow, I'm alive!...my parents were not adequately prepared to support me or ensure a decent life for me...but I'm ALIVE!" Fuck that. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... and needless to say, I was surprised (even shocked) to find that many Chinese girls dont like the use of condoms ...

  • Simen Wangberg

    "...many Chinese girls dont like the use of condoms..."

    You know, I heard about this - but every Chinese chick I've gotten with (or discussed the issue with) has demanded condom usage. Which is totally fine and appropriate, but I'm not entirely convinced that they don't like them. Maybe I just haven't met enough sluts.

  • Minger
    Minger wrote:

    To be honest, if I could have found any girl willing to let me bang her I was 15, I probably wouldn't have insisted on a condom either if one wasn't readily available, based on the fear that I would never again have an opportunity to have sex.

    For this stuff, we can thank a combination of shitty parents and public education that starts too late or doesn't exist (depending where you are).

    But being horny is not much of an excuse, since it actually takes a lot of planning to arrange a sex session as a teenager. If you can arrange a place to do it, you can arrange to have rubbers around.

    I don't really have a problem with single parenthood, but only when it's intentional and planned by someone who can afford it. The rest of the people could maybe try to be responsible and only have kids when they know how to take care of them?

  • .
    . wrote:
    Birth certificate? Nobody asked this from me or told me to apply for it when I was pregnant. And I just got my girl the Chinese registered permanent residence (Hukou) without a marriage certificate. In most cities, a single parent has to pay the social maintenance fee (社会抚养费) if she/he wants to register the kid. In my case, my family knows someone in the police station so nobody bothered us. In China, as long as you have good Guanxi, this kind of issue will not be a problem.
  • .
    . wrote:

    To Maggie,

    "at least they can face to the society with courage"?? What do you mean by saying that? Why the hell would I have problem to face to the society just because I am a single mom? What is the definition of society here anyway?? Come on, please stop judging and pitying the others when you have no f**king clue.

    I am a single mom and I am very proud of myself being one. Yes, it's difficult to keep a kid all by myself, but I am doing fine. I don't feel regret and I have no problem to face to anybody or anything. 

  • Simen Wangberg

    I think Shayla Yin is a pretty cool guy. seh raises a chidl by herself and doesn't afraid of anything.

     

    No wonder you have no problem to face, you're in with the cops. That gives you advantages that the vast majority of Chinese will probably never have. Congrats, you're privileged. Have a cookie.

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:

    >I think Single Mom is a pretty cool guy. seh raises a chidl by herself and doesn't afraid of anything.

    fix'd

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Shayla ... yours is obviously a very special case, and I think everyone is happy for you and your child ... on the other hand, I imagine you of all people should have seen and heard first hand, how some "single moms" less fortunate than you, have to struggle with work, babies, and lives in general ... would I be correct in saying so?

     

  • .
    . wrote:

    to 叮噹叔叔,

    I am not a speical case at all. I have lost some fortunates because of my situation, but I have gained some others. I still have bad emotions sometimes and financially struggling to support my kid good education (kindergarten is f**king expensive in BJ) but in general I am learning to love who I am and what my life is. It all depends on how you decide to view yourself and what kind of life you want to have.

    Some people just love to play weak and complain. They enjoy live their life like those thousand years of TV series. Yes, life is unfair, everybody knows. So what? If you don't live it, why not fight back and change it to something else? Who said preganted woman has to be fat? Who decided that a woman cannot go party and be a good mom at the same time? I really hate people put those tags on themselves and the others. 

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    ...

    Hahahaha ... when I said "special", I meant that you are not like the others I have met ... however, I must say that I have never noticed any fat pregnant woman, I have seen some really HUGE ones though, hahaha ... laugh a little ... for yourself and your child :)

     

     

  • Simen Stensvoll

    i think some pregnant woman are really really pretty sexy-:)

  • Maggie Wang
    Maggie Wang wrote:

    would you like to marry the single mom?

Please login to post a reply to this thread.

WeLiveInBeijing

WeLiveInBeijing.com is a social community for people living in or traveling to Beijing.

Powered by: Bloc