Uhm... 〈crickets chirping〉
I fell out of an airplane over Beijing 4 years ago, and haven't been able to make enough money to get out of here since.
...I once thought it would be a good idea to take a bus from Dali to Xishuangbanna. This was probably because I had never been on a long range bus trip in China at that point, and also had never been on the backwater unpaved mountain roads that lead to xishuangbanna
The trip was supposed to take 12 hours. However, after 12 hours of bouncing up and down while inhaling second hand smoke and listening to people's cell phones music, we had only gotten as far as a cafeteria in some mountain village. The bus driver decided
we should stop there for dinner, which I presume is because he gets a commission for bringing people there, rather than because the village is on the way to Xishuangbanna. It was a real village hovel. Outside it was pitch black with no cars or street lights
of course. The bathroom was just the side of the hill, with a concrete platform to squat on and a crumbling brick wall around it to for privacy. No running water of course. You get the idea. Nice place to stop for a midnight dinner.
Anyway, after most people from the bus had finished eating and gone back out from the restaurant, the owner came over to me and decided that my meal should cost three times as much as everyone elses. The logic was that he had of course given me three times
as much food without my even asking for it, and cleverly managed to make it look like the same amount of food. Needless to say, I felt slightly peturbed. Although the difference in cost was between 10 and 30 RMB, It's the principle that counts, right?
So of course, I decided not to pay more than the correct amount. I don't like arguing with cheaters, so my idea of negotiating is to walk away. By this point, everyone else was back on the bus ready to go. I walked out, but the boss came out after me grabbed
me quite forcefully. I don't like people trying to cheat me, and I really don't like people getting in my way and grabbing me. Fortunately though, I do like side-kicking people, which is exactly what I did after pushing him off me. Even I was a little surprised
as he sailed over the meter-high crumbling wall of the outside toilet which had just been made use of by 40 bus passengers, and down the hill into a pile of fecies.* As I mentioned, it was completely dark out, so either no one saw this or no one cared. I immediately
got back on the bus and we drove off.
Another 5 bumpy hours later, we arrived in Xishuangbanna. I guess that incedent made the trip worth it, since it's not every day that you get away with kicking someone into a pile of fecies. for everyone who's not interested in that sort of thing though,
I recommend you spend the additional 300 RMB and fly there instead of being such a cheapskate.
*I have taken some artistic license with this story in order to make it more interesting. By artistic license, I mean distortion of the facts combined with outright lies.
My travel stories are very boring and usually consist of me spending the most money to go to the places with the cheapest tropical fruits, where I gorge myself oblivious to the fact that I could have saved money by staying where I was and just going to the