Discussion » Chinese Language & Culture » Domestic Violence

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    What should you do when you know a man is being physically abusive toward his wife and/or children?

    Where I come from, this is an easy question, as the consequences for such behavior are incredibly harsh--and justly so. One 911 call means a night in jail for the husband, and the sight police cars essentially means public humiliation in front of one's neighbors. During divorce hearings, any police record of domestic violence typically means the judge will side with the wife when dividing up assets.

    Is calling 110 nearly so effective? What about if the husband's mother makes excuses for her son's behavior? Are there any government agencies or social services that can offer counselling or other solutions?
  • Daniel Westerberg
    I called 110 once and the "house keeping company" (物业) like 3 or 4 times on a neighbour. the police acctually came when I called 110 and talked to them and they stoped throwing stuff and screaming like they where dying for atleast a day or two..
    the 物业 didn't have as much authorita as the police and they only shut up for the rest of the night the 2 times they acctually stoped by, the other times they just stod there in the stairs and didn't have the guts to knock on the door lolz.
    god damn it's nice to have moved away from that place :P
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    What if the husband is making death threats? Maybe, he's too much of a little bitch to follow through. But it's still a fucked situation. But if he is taking the family's money and putting it in his private account, it would seem like he's either worried or planning on getting a divorce.

    I need some advice from Chinese women, especially.
  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:
    Hiring a crew of pipe-hittin' and bicycle-chain-swinging Donghei homeboys has always worked for me, but I don't know about anyone else.

    Half-joking.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Astaroth ... I remember you mentioned about a gang of Dong-Bei brothers? Oh, Pete beat me to this ... hahahaha ...
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    I have a sample room filled with sledge hammers you can have...

    "The family's money" sounds like money gone to me. I've never heard of an Asian woman not keeping her own "secret" private account. I guess people have varying opinions of what marriage means, but IMO whoever earned the money should be responsible for it, and if they decided to put it in someone else's name, then they've given up responsibility and right to it. Can't complain if someone else takes it.

    But of course, if a dude is beating on someone smaller and more female than he is, I think it's reasonable to stop him.

    I'm serious about the sledge hammers by the way...
  • Undermoonlight
    Don't meddle with other people's domestic life~You call the police and get the violent ones (most of the time, husbands, but sometimes, wives--don't be surprised, I've got one--always threatening me with something like "biting me to death, if I'm not well-behaved" in broken Chinese) into jail (or temporary custody or fined...), but what about the next time they appearing in front of you in a very intimate manner? I mean it's quite common for young couples getting into voilent fights and then "violently" loving each other again~~~Anyway, i think it's not a nice thing to do~~
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Undermoonlight,
    I think it's that kind of cowardly "not my problem" attitude that allows this behavior to persist. Chinese culture is built upon maintaining face and controlling one's emotions. But behind closed doors people become fucking monsters, so long as they feel as though their reputation isn't on the line. I think the only way to solve problems like this is to get the law AND the community involved.

    I'd like to hear a feminine perspective on this. Dudes ain't taking this shit seriously.
  • Undermoonlight
    Whatever~it's just a friendly advice. If you don't like it, then, be a "non-cowardice" meddler~and on the other hand, you portrayed a picture that as if there are lots of domestic violences happening in Beijing----Hopefully, people won't get such a misunderstanding---tussles betwen husbands and wives are normal in domestic life (there should be a demarcation line between domestic violence and normal fight), and you bring them to law every time??~Are you kidding me, kid?
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    I don't think it's friendly to call someone a meddler for showing a bit of compassion and concern for people who cannot speak or fight back themselves. This shit happens all over the world and it continues unabated because people make excuses and attempt to normalize it.

    Tell me how the community reaction should differ on both sides of that demarcation line. Just what the hell do you call a "normal" fight in a civilized society?

    One of the things I like about Beijing is that street violence is almost unheard of. Why should it be tolerated in domestic situations?
  • Daniel Westerberg
    Undermoonlight.
    When people scream and yells and throw stuff from 2 o'clock to 4 in morning every fucking night for a month. I am not meddling in their lives, they are fucking up mine!

    and Dando, take it easy so the husband dosn't think you are a "laowai sleeping with his wife" he would probobly use that in the divorce and she would get noting and you end up with a meatcleaver in the head ;)

  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    I'm not getting personally involved. I'm looking for advice that I can pass on to the victims.
  • 哎呀
    哎呀 wrote:
    Find local "妇联" (Women's Federation), they can help.
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Maria,
    That's exactly the sort of organization I was hoping to find. Thank you.

    There's got to be one in the Dongzhimen area, right?
  • 哎呀
    哎呀 wrote:
    The address is "北京市东城区建国门内大街15号" , tel: 010-65103027.
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Maria,
    Much obliged.
  • Undermoonlight
    Daniel Westerberg:
    You may call 110, but still, it's just for the disturbance, not like acting as a judge in people's domestic life...There is an old Chinese saying goes, "Even the best judge cannot deal with the domestic affairs properly (清官难断家务事)."
    Anyway, if anyone wants to be a judge in other people's doemstic life, he/she might as well be extremely cautious----it's not coward, but discrection, kids!!!!!
  • Undermoonlight
    Dando Z:
    Just a FREINDLY WARNING, really...You might end up in a very embarrassed situation~~~And do you think Chinese women are really too ignorant to call the local Women's Association? Yes, you guys are foreigners, and you may mess up here and go to another place...But do you think it is good for you? I actually have a slight sense of what you intend to do on this matter, but I'm not sure, and also, it's not nice to speak out----just be careful~~~(I'm shaking my head, haha~~)...
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Undermoonlight:
    Apparently Maria thought it was constructive advice, and my friend hasn't yet done this. Perhaps you just suggested she is ignorant?

    THANKS, FRIEND. Keep posting if you like, because I appreciate having this thread dinged, but don't fool yourself into thinking that I'm taking anything you say seriously.

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