The Art of Defending Racism!
Doing something racist is easy- you don’t even have to think about it. But keeping racism alive? That takes work! Luckily for you, racism is deeply entrenched in our society, so all you need to do is hold the gates against those who would try to dislodge it,
and let them wear themselves out. You'll want to use the tactics listed below to protect your own racist behavior, as well as those of others- after all- racism works because we work together!
Winning the war against equality!
No matter what, your objective is to be able to maintain these three beliefs at the end of any exchange:
1) I’m not racist.
2) I didn’t do anything wrong.
3) I don’t have to change at all.
If you can hold on to that, then you win!
How it works
Like a drinking problem or drug habit, racism works best when no one is willing to talk about it, and even better, when everyone works together to cover up the problem. The most important thing is to make sure that you can hide your problem from yourself- it’s
key in maintaining those 3 beliefs that will keep you racist for a lifetime!
Saying or doing something racist will come naturally to you- but defending it? You’ll want to use one of the following tactics. They’re listed from the more soft handed and defensive tactics to the most aggressive, giving you a full range of options! Don’t
worry, whether you’re liberal, conservative, in the closet racist, or tatooed and ready for Rahowa, there’s something here for you!
A. It’s not that serious
1. We didn’t know better (and we never will)
2. You’re too sensitive
3. It’s not a big deal because it’s just (a movie, a song, a book, words, etc.)
4. Why should we care? (You don't matter anyway)
1. POC do XYZ to themselves (so it’s ok that we also do XYZ)
2. I’m oppressed too!
3. Hey! Look at sexism/classicism/Global Warming! Diversion
4. One POC says it’s cool
5. POC can discriminate too!
6. What about reverse racism?
7. We’re not discriminating AS MUCH (as other people/as we used to), isn’t that good?!? Give me a cookie.
8. My best friend/spouse/adopted child/my ancestor 5 generations back is POC
9. I’ve done XYZ, which proves I’m not racist, and I get a free pass for anything else I do.
1. You’re too stupid to be in this conversation and everything you say doesn’t matter
2. Racism is over now
3. If we don’t talk about it, it’ll magically go away
4. Under my definition- it’s not racist
5. You’re too angry/You’re being irrational
6. Racism has always existed, we can’t fix it, you should stop complaining.
1. Be glad it isn’t worse, we could be doing XYZ/I’ll give you a reason to cry
2. You brought this on yourself/ If you people didn’t... XYZ
3. Go back to where you came from!
The Russian Retreat (Be like Water)
Naturally, anyone who attempts to call you on a racist behavior, will probably try to also refute your defense. Fortunately for you, when your defense isn’t based on actual reasons, but simply irrationality, you can switch tactics on the drop of a dime without
any explaination. Simply switch from one defense to another, randomly, and let your opponent continue to wear themselves out trying to penetrate your happy wall of racist belief!
For additional fun, you can switch to a tactic you’ve used previously. Half of them will not even notice they’ve been led in a circle, the other half will lose all hope and give up! Hurrah for ignorance!
(to be continued...)