Discussion » Dating & Romance » a lover and a friend

  • Inga Ginger
    Inga Ginger wrote:
    once i started dating with a guy i had been friends with for 3 years(he turned to be in love with me for most of that time), i immediately regreted! we managed to stand that for several months, but i realized it was no good at all
    the reason: maybe there was no mistery in him we are in need of when start dating..or maybe since we've been friends for so long there was no passion..

    though i want my boyfriend to be my friend and my lover at the same time, I prefer it started with passion, then friendship and respect..

    Do you have any positive or negative experience of moving from friendship to dating? do you think there can appear real love?

    and a question after: did it happened that chance sex spoiled the friendship)? or didn't influence?
  • Inga Ginger
    Inga Ginger wrote:
    and any of younever wanna start?
  • Joel Alva
    Joel Alva wrote:
    I think sex spoiled it :P ....well based from my experienced, kiss tells everything - if you need to pursue or just let it go and move on
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    my opinion...it depends on the friendship. if the two are as close as brother and sister, then it is difficult to turn it into love. but if the two are not that intimate before, and have spontaneous feelings but remain friends for certain reasons, then when the time is right, friendship can turn into love.

    but whether it will last...it is hard to say.
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    On the contrary, I prefer not to date someone unless we've been friends for a while. I never bought into the idea that getting drunk and sleeping with friends was something to avoid. What, you're afraid that the next day, the relationship with the friend will become "awkward"?

    My awkwardness is a pre-existing condition.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    I was friends with the mother of my son for more than a year before we became a couple. We lasted 13 and a half years, and even though we broke up, I have to consider that a success
  • Simen Stensvoll
    i think we can be friends after sex if he is a nice guy
    but we can't have sex after la ong-term friendship( we would have done it if we feel sexual attraction to each other)
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    phuck with some of my best friends? ooohhhh noooo…we will both laugh at each other on bed. As for serious relationship, ummm, I do think it will be better if romance start with some mistery and seductive elements, tho I also believe good couple are best friends of each other. But timing matters, doesn't it?

  • Jens Jensen Pettersen
    never be that lucky to have a male friend...so cant tell how that feeling is, though I'd really lik to have a brother friend...:)

    but it's really bad if there is no passion...love is all about passion..the heart beat fast..the body is trembling...that itch when not together.......maybe you two should stop seeing each other too often....after a while, you will get that "need" feeling back..i think?
  • Inga Ginger
    Inga Ginger wrote:
    Dando Z 单独子, the question is in people's attitude to that question) awkward ...yeah maybe) still if both don't really care so friendship will continue
    but if not, if someone cares..at least one of them, so i think it will be difficult to be back to the previous relations

    Minimy, agree and have one question: what if one has always felt something more than friendship and finally they became close, but since the other doesn't pay much attention to it, so maybe the whole thing will ruin that they had before?

    Da Fan, yeap, romance should really start with mistery and passion..then if you become friends, that's great! but better not vise versa..i don't think it's bad or something, just not real love
    cause love for me is passion -attraction of bodies, respect-attraction of minds, friendship-attraction of souls...if passion lacks then...

  • Inga Ginger
    Inga Ginger wrote:
    Bella Jiejie, in my case it's already over..everything..just contact each other from time to time, mostly if need something in professional sphere..
    i just regret of loosing a friend, cause i shouldn't have thought that something more might come to me) i loved him just as a friend
  • Kristian Svoren
    are you guys saying its hard to be a lover to some one who you been with for a long time as your friend? i dont think so... according to my opinion i think its even much more easer than to fall in love with someone you are not really use to. but infact sometimes things like this are conditional and its about transformation,....if its hard to be in love with your close friend ,my question is what will makes it hard to transform yourself and be a lover to him or her? and what will makes it easy to fall in love with someone who is a bit strange,or you have never be a friend to? Generally what situation should be between you two so that it will be easy to fall in love? "pls if i am beyond the subject just let me know"
  • Simen Stensvoll

    hmm, i don't think the sex will surely spoil the friendship if the sex u had was great.but if the sex was just so so,then just forget it.if u never tried,u won't know that u just supposed to be friends.
  • Inga Ginger
    Inga Ginger wrote:
    i think it's hard to transform yourself..cause if you have been friends, but not lovers, with someone who is not of your sex, that means that from the beginning there was no passion or any sympathy ..then you realize that the guy or girl is good or fun or interesting of all of that and friendship started) but if there were no desire from the very beginning how can it appear then?

    what makes it easy to fall in love with a stranger? the answer: nature and some unknown forces) really) cause very often we are wondering: HOW?? how could we/they fell in love? it was just a stroke! and you understand that nothing is going right without that person
    sure, later everything is possible..you may live a long happy life together or reveal that he/she is a bore or crazy or anything..but the first dtroke..you never know why))
  • Inga Ginger
    Inga Ginger wrote:
    hah)if the sex u had was great then you will think of having it again and again))
  • Kristian Svoren
    Inga Ginger! so you you are saying its about performance? but some times maybe the sex was that satisfied you but the fact is you just developed strong feelings of being in love....so does that have to do with how the sex was? and the issue of falling in love with a stranger, i know, thats why i said sometimes this is conditional, which means it about how naturally you are sexually attracted to him or her....and my question is "what situation should be between you two so that it will be easy to change that friendship love and become lovers?
  • Kristian Svoren
    maybe its just hard if, one of the two is failing to be open the public,or may be just being shy.... coz some people will think like, "every body knows we are just close friends but we are not lovers, so if i become his or her lover, what will other people think about me".....thats why people just end up saying, no we can not be lovers coz we have been friends for a longtime....things like that... but the other questions is, can you be a friend to someone who you are not attracted to in anyway? (just nothing you like about him or her),,, so for me, i think the moment you become good close friends with someone, then , that means you two, you attract each other in a certain way... so then if your friend just ask you " can we be lovers?" so what will makes say no?
  • Kristian Svoren
    so what will makes you say no?
  • Inga Ginger
    Inga Ginger wrote:
    about sex it was just a reaction to Minimy's words..like a joke..never mind

    "what situation should be between you two so that it will be easy to change that friendship love and become lovers"...well if talking about easiness..one of the situations is that you are both single for a long time, for example..and that can push u to each other
    the other is if you areboth free in your attitude to such kind of relations..the thing is that when started it can lead you to the thought that it is actually awesome to be together in all sences)

    can not agree about the public, cause i really don't care usually what people would think..had problems with that attitude though..but still don't mind)
    i experienced that) people were very much surprised)) but got used to that)

    i don't say that he doesn't attract me in anyway!!! there are guys among my friends whom i adore for their personality and sence of humour and more, but i can not imagine myself together with them, just cause i don't think they are physically attractive..to me i mean=) but we attract each other, of course! for me communication is one of the best things in the world!=) and if a person catches my wave so i enjoy being with him and talking to him
    but if i see him and don't want him..well that makes me say no

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