Discussion » Nonsense » Trust [warning: boring content] - 2010.04.26

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹) wrote:
    ...

    Something had been bothering me for more than a month, maybe even two now, and hence these "boring" questions below, hope some of you might care to tell me how you feel about it ...

    1. How do you consider a person to be trustworthy? Can it be measured on a general time scale or is it a personal individual thing, i.e. case by case basis?

    2. Imagine you have met and known a particular person (in real life) and placed your trust in him/her, telling him/her your secrets etc (yes, I mean real secrets, not just how many kg are you or how much weight you need to lose kind of secrets) ... you then came across (or were contacted by) other individuals who DOES NOT know this person as well as you do and they told you things about this person ...

    ... would you then start to question or doubt this person?

    ... or would you instead defend this person, walk away, and forget about what these individuals told you?

    Just plain curious :)
    ...

    最近一两个月,被一些事烦扰着,今天突然想到以下这些比较"沉闷"的话题,也许你们那位有兴趣,可以告诉我你的想法...

    1. 你怎么确定一个人是否值得你的信任?这个(是否值得信任,应该有多信任)可以用时间来衡量的吗?还是人与人之间的个别情况会不同?

    2. 假设,你跟一个朋友认识了,也是百分之百信任他(她)了,也把你自己的一些秘密告诉他(她)...我说的秘密,不是要减肥多少斤,不是昨晚吃了什么,一些小孩子气的秘密,而是真的秘密...现在有些人来找你,他们不认识这个人,但却告诉你一些事跟这个你认识的人是不符合的...

    你会相信这些人的说话,然后去怀疑和质问这个你认识和相信的人...

    或,你会维护这个人,不理这些人说的东西,然后继续相信他(她)吗?

    纯属好奇...

    PS. Please stick with the topic, or your post could be deleted, thanks :)

    注:不要太离题,否则我保留删除的权利,谢谢
  • Børge Notkevich
    1.To me trust is something that comes with time and general liking of the person, based on a person's character.
    2. I always think you should judge a person through your own experiences, through what you see yourself. Listen to other people's warnings(maybe be cautious), but don't let it affect what you see in the person.
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Honesty, honesty, honesty.

    1) I couldn't care less about the other sorts of evil a person inflicts upon himself and others, if only he openly admits to everything and doesn't pretend to be anything they are not. But the moment a person shows even a hint of duplicity, I'll never fully trust them ever again.

    Even if they're lying to everyone else but me. I think authenticity is the quintessential virtue, although it's an almost impossible ideal to achieve, because we have to do quite a bit of faking in order to get by in school and work.

    Unless we're talking about Chucks. Shanzhai Converse are often better than the real thing.

    2) I would defend my friend, but I would take what the stranger said under consideration and maybe even play detective if the rumors are lurid enough to pique my interest. We show different faces to different people, after all, and sometimes we show more of our true selves to strangers than we show to loved ones.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    I have an unfortunate habit of trusting everyone until I am proven wrong. Sometimes it does come back to slap me in the face (just like spitting forward out a car window)... on the other hand, I'm generally very honest (maybe blunt or lacking a brain-mouth filter is a better way of putting it) and it is generally met in kind. I quite agree with Dando Z's #1, if you are an honest person with me that fills in for a lot of other moral deficiencies that I may or may not really care about.

    As far as your #2... I don't have anything to say in addition to what Dando said. Also in complete agreement.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hahahaha ... Jon, it is difficult not being honest with you, and I did just that :)
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Been thinking about all the replies last night, and my head still hurts ... but I agree with what Angela said, and with Dando too ... as for Jon, hahaha ... Jon, we need to talk, because you seem to know much more than you should :)

    I will just say this for now ... after opening up your heart to a friend, being doubted or questioned felt like being torn inside out ...

    I actually did have a third question ... it did not seem appropriate then, because I was not sure if anyone would actually post anything ...

    3. What would drive person "A" to dislike (or even hate) person "B" whom he/she had never met or known, to the extent that "A" wants to isolate "B" from all of B's friends?
  • Sakura
    Sakura wrote:
    信任是一个稳定的绝对的状态的词语,但是它的载体人却是每时每刻都在变化的,先不说去量化这个载体,即使可以的话,几秒钟一量化么。信任这种可以慢慢从数量到质量慢慢增加,但是永远不忘记这种沙子城堡虽然慢慢可以堆高但是基础永远是沙子。
  • Børge Notkevich
    叮噹叔叔 are u ok?
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Interesting.... Let me address #3 first. If A is woman and B is a man, then A's perceived creepiness coefficient in relationship to B might reach a sufficient level for A enter into "bitch protection"/mother hen mode. This doesn't require any factual evidence against B, just a perception of either creepiness or rumors of socially unacceptable behavior.

    Since I guess you are talking about yourself... you're pretty well known in this little online community. With that comes a reputation, and a reputation will create a good skew in the way people view you. Some people will hate you just for being you, whether they misread a post or heard something negative from a mutual friend. While I generally admire your social friendliness towards the beautiful womenz here (man, it takes a lot of work, and I'm still trying to figure out how to write a good computer script that will do the same thing for me), it does tend to draw some polarizing opinions.

    If you're talking about your real life, then can't help much there, I don't really have any information to base an opinion on.

    Uhhhh.... speaking of information... what information do I have? hahaha, now you have my attention and curiosity.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hahahaha ... Jon, just remember this: a computer does not have a heart, we do ... by the way, been trying to steer away from "ladies" these days, just talking to "friends" ...

    Yes, Angela, I am OK ... feel free to drop by to say hello when you want a break :)
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    It's spring cleaning for friends and acquaintances. The ones who stick around are your true mates. The ones who uncritically accept the gossip can bugger off.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hahahaha ... I feel much much better now ... thanks :)
  • Simen Stensvoll
    i think no body can be completely trustworthy,even ourself.Because human nature is Selfish.
    the golden rule:Don't expect too much!
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    ... or "Trust No One" ... which sci-fi did this line come from?
  • R-R
    R-R wrote:
    I think it depends on ur feeling more than others.Even he did something bad to other doesnt mean he would do it to you right.Trust is a kind of feeling what others give it to u and how much u opne to another one right?So since u could tell him some ur secrest then he must give u this feeling.We are not talking about he wouldnt lie to you.But if just according others opinion to change this persons satutation in ur mind.Then you might not a good friend to trust too.Because ur too easy listen to others...
    There are some friends i have told secrest to and i would sure even someday we dont talk anymore and they woudlnt say my serect to others me neither...
    But u havent got the trust from him and you tell him ur secrest easily to him then proberly u are idoit.I guess you are not.
    So trust him is trust urself too!
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    Jon Gu 写道:I have an unfortunate habit of trusting everyone until I am proven wrong...

    Funny, I have an unfortunate habit of trusting no one and then being proven right.

    Dando Z 单独子 写道:...Even if they're lying to everyone else but me. I think authenticity is the quintessential virtue, although it's an almost impossible ideal to achieve, because we have to do quite a bit of faking in order to get by in school and work.

    You're saying you trust them as long as they're honest with you, even if they lie to everyone else? Or even if they're honest with you, you won't trust them because they're lying to everyone else?

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