Discussion » Nonsense » I saw this on a friends blog and guessed it is wor

  • Stanley Zarretta
    Stanley Zarretta wrote:
    You have been in China too long if..
    -you forget what clean air smells like.
    - you barely flinch when you see a small child emptying his bowels in the street.
    - you find yourself crying over a menu in a western restaurant because
    they serve potato salad.
    - you haven't eaten anything baked in months.
    - you eat every kind of meat off the bone, and spit the bones on the table.
    - you can expertly maneuver your bike through any traffic situation.
    - you know how to use a squatter.
    - grown men and women often say hello to you, and when you reply they
    run away giggling.
    - you can't decide if you love or hate the country you're living in.
    - you see nothing wrong with standing on a white stripe in the middle of a
    highway while cars whiz past you at 90kph
    - you don't blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you
    with his family
    - you actually put some thought into which live snake you want cooked for your meal
    - you eat soup with chopsticks
    - you use Kleenex for table napkins
    - you drink warm sodas and find them refreshing
    - you are accustomed to seeing people's heads popping up and down in the VCD
    you are watching
    - you no longer use articles when you speak
    - you bargain with the grocer over the cost of a head of lettuce
    - you no longer question why the expiration date on the milk you just bought is two
    months from now
    - you buy a movie that hasn't been released theatrically yet at home...
    - you complain about the price of chocolate bars...
    - you comment the pollution "isn't really that bad..."
    - when a trim at the barber invloves two washes, a scalp massage, a a neck and
    shoulder massage, and a crowd of onlookers
    - When you go to a park and you can't walk on the grass
    - Where the red stamp is all powerful
    - you find yourself spitting in public places (i.e. the street, restaurant) and not thinking twice
    - you take it in stride when you are offered beer/baijiu at lunch before going back to work
    - you start wearing a face mask on windy days and wonder at the "silly foreigners" who don't do the same
    - the smell of stinky dofu doesn't faze you anymore
    - you complain about that price difference of DVDs/VCDs/CDs bought in the stores and on the streets
    - you start to wonder if the chocolate ice cream you find in the store is even chocolate... sure it is brown,
    but it doesn't taste anything like the stuff back home!
    - you can't find face lotion or cleanser that does not bleach your skin whiter....
    - you shove the guy before you back to where he stood half a minute before in the queue, barking a loud
    "hou mian, hou mian, ni nongmin!"
    - you have learned to enjoy being stared at
    - you stare back especially at knockouts
    - you can open and hull sunflower seeds with your tongue
    - you give a beggar a handfull of fen and he gives them back
    - long underwear is a wardrobe staple five months of the year
    - you have trouble sleeping when you go home for a visit because it's just too darn quiet
    - you can stop watching tv for 2 weeks and when you start watching again they're still showing
    reruns of the same show.
    - you have ten different responses to the question, "Do you like China?"
    - you're looking forward to blending in with the crowd.
    - you know ten different ways to point out a foreigner in Chinese.
    - you point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're foreign yourself.
    - you find yourself asking anyone and everyone if they can make the price cheaper.
    - you know which chocolate is real and which chocolate is glorified butter.
    - you know words in Chinese for which you don't know the translation in English.
    - you answer 'China' when people ask where you're from
    - you answer 'China' when people ask where you live
    - having fingers poked into your ears when y
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)

    Hahahaha ... I think I have read some of this from China Daily ... never mind ...
  • Undermoonlight
    ...Are living in Xinjiang or Inner Mongolia?...If a Chinese lived in some remote place in Australia or US (such as midwestern towns), he/she would also have the same feeling...
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    Hahaha... I would say about half of these really apply to me.
  • NN
    NN wrote:
    we dont use chopsticks to eat / drink soup,that must be the rumour ...
  • Aurélien
    Aurélien wrote:
    Oh my god that is so damn true. Everytime I'm outside I'm wearing my little mask hahahaha!
  • Stanley Zarretta
    Here it continues;
    having fingers poked into your ears when you're getting a shampoo no longer makes you wonder at the
    cleanliness of the 100 who came before you
    - you pick your nose, burp, fart, and scratch so much even your Chinese friends get embarrassed
    - you get a discount if you speak English, but you pay more for putonghua
    - you start thinking that stupid questions are reasonable
    - you call home and your family tell you to speak faster and stop correcting their grammar and pronunciation
    - you think that having the runs for 2 weeks is normal
    - you don't have any idea what something is, but you'll eat it anyway.
    - if you just ate and liked it, you don't ask what it is.
    - you completely ignore most people who say hello to you
    - you have a conversation while sidestepping feces, vomit, and mysterious
    green puddles on the sidewalk without blinking.
    - you eat cake with chopsticks
    - you constantly wonder if everything has been boiled long enough.
    - you answer 'So is mine.' when people say their English is so poor
    - you answer 'Into what?' when people say China is developing
    - you convince yourself that it doesn't matter how dirty the cooks' hands are,
    cooking will fix it
    - you think squats are great because no one can poop on the seat
    - you think Yang Rei (CCTV9 'Dialogue' program) is an unbiased reporter
    - if there are only 4 screaming children running around the classroom, you consider it a good primary class.
    - if there are only 4 students sleeping, you consider it a good middle school class.
    - if there are only 4 dictionary obsessed nerds, you consider it a good language center class.
    - you love tofu because there's nothing to spit out and it doesn't have any taste.
    - you start saying 'play computer' 'I very like' and other assorted chinglish.
    - you hold hands with others of the same sex and think nothing of it
    - you avoid touching those of opposite sex like they have cooties.
    - you whole-heartedly agree with things that you don't agree with.
    - you've got a pre-paid ticket with a booked seat for a soft-seat train or plane, but you still run like mad to
    make sure you get a seat.
    - you forget that vegetable soup is actually pesticide broth
    - smoking does less harm to your lungs than breathing
    - you call polluted water and preservatives wine
    - you point over your back with your thumb when using the past tense.
    - you think that America's '60 Minutes' program is 48 minutes of bull**** and 12 minutes of commercials,
    but you can't wait for China's '60 Minutes', which will either be 60 minutes of bull**** OR 60 minutes of commercials.
    -- you're beginning to like fruit salad and mayonnaise
    - you've stopped wondering why you only get bread if you order a chicken
    - everyone wants to be your friend - all you have to do is teach them English for free
    - everyone wants to teach you Chinese by speaking to you in English
    - your Chinese lessons consist of 50 words your teacher wants to know the English meaning of
    - you buy a new shirt and have to sew the buttons on
    - when people ask if you speak English you answer (in English) 'No, I only speak French',
    and they believe you
    - you tell people you don't understand, so they write it for you - in Chinese.
    - your boss thinks you're a stupid foreigner if you let him cheat you, but thinks you're a
    bad foreigner if you don't
    - your boss speaks really good English until you ask for more money
    - you have accumulated hundreds of notes and addresses but you can't read any of them
    - groups of people find it fascinating to watch you buy an orange at a fruit market. Commentary is provided in case
    some people don't know exactly what's going on.
    - you think it's pleasurable to ride your bike down the road with 10 tonne monster trucks flying past
    you 2 feet away.
    - you have no qualms that someone who thinks
  • Stanley Zarretta
    - you have no qualms that someone who thinks you're stupid and gullable has total control over your life.
    - the ugliest western man always has a beautiful Chinese girlfriend.
    - at the beach women wear bulky swimsuits from the 1950's while men wear speedos
    - a hike up a mountain calls for a plastic grocery bag full of junk food.
    - the more you listen to the news, the more uninformed you are
    - you start thinking instant coffee tastes pretty good.
    - when the national news is on, your forty TV channels magically become the same channel.
    - absolutely everything that can possibly be eaten is in some way good for your health.
    - you walk past a river or lake that looks like something out of the Simpsons---radioactive sludge strewn with
    garbage---and there are people FISHING. Alternatively, you stop at the radioactive sluge and TAKE PICTURES.
    - student assessment/placement at your school consists of evaluating the student's parents'
    guanxi rather than the
    student's level or ability
    - only five minutes of prep time for a unannounced class no longer fazes you
    - evaluating the contents of your shopping cart is the past-time of all the other shoppers in the store
    - your housekeeper throws out the chicken breast you have marinating in garlic and olive oil but
    organizes your empty
    beer bottles and cans
    - you leave your laundry hanging up for more than a day its dirtier than it was before you washed it
    - you actually believe you're here to teach English
    - at English Corner (aka English Speaker Cornered) a person asks you how to "improve my oral English" and
    when you
    tell them the only way is to continually practice they walk away dejected and sad
    - you begin to question your own pronounciation
    - dental procedures are a spectator sport (why else would the chair be in the storefront picture window)
    - you no longer expect the truth
    - you can use "face" as a weapon
  • TonyDice
    TonyDice wrote:
    - you start telling middle aged Chinese men how handsome they are
    - you no longer even remark on how beautiful a woman is
    - you completely freak out if your '8 kuai off a rice dish' coupon is declared invalid
    - you strongly defend Chinese policy regarding yuan appreciation
    - you constantly carry around and swig from a transparent flask of green tea with a shitload of leaves at the bottom
    - you don't see an empty bottle of Tsing Tao; you see 1/6 of a free replacement bottle
    - you've given up masturbation: it's a waste of precious resources
    - you're strongly looking forward to the Karate Kid remake
    - ...but sternly disapprove of what they've done to the new version of Red Dawn
    - you eagerly hand over your business card with both hands to some white guy - less than a minute into meeting them
    - you look at your children as your retirement fund
    - you answer the phone (to a person whose caller id, no less, tells you that you've known and spoken English to them for at least a year) not with 'yeah, hello or wassup?' but 'wei?'
    - you're considering taking out a loan or possibly accepting bribes to sustain your mistress habit
    - you keep a diary that details your smoking costs, sexual habits, banqueting prowess and adventures with technology
    - you're on about 5 different types of Chinese traditional medication, all the time

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