Discussion » Nonsense » Trying to get a smile from u

  • KubanskaKvinna
    KubanskaKvinna wrote:
    Early in the morning, a mother went to wake up her son. "Wake up, Son, It's time to go to school!"

    "But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

    "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.", the mom answered

    "Well, the kids hate me for one reason and the teachers hate me for the same one!"

    "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

    "Give me two reasons why I should go to school.', the kid said

    "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!'

    '
  • №❶ Passioη
    A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credits so she instructed her 7 year old son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy.

    After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
    (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from the neighborhood rushed around to know what happened.

    the woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, junior said "The number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment, please try again later"
  • Stian Moe
    Stian Moe wrote:
    hehehehhehehe, u got a big LAUGH from me hehehehe, cheers:)
  • Stian Moe
    Stian Moe wrote:
    everybody welcome to share your jokes here, is time 2 LAUGH OUT LOUD(LOL)
  • Stian Moe
    Stian Moe wrote:
    A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

    "Not yet," said the little boy.
    His mother tells him no breakfast till the chores are done.
    Well, he's a little ticked off.

    He goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
    He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.

    He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
    He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
    "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
    "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
    Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

    The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile says:

    "Are you going to tell him, or should I? "

  • NN
    NN wrote:
    Arrange marriage & Love marriage


    Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
    The Indian man said to the American,'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.'
    'We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...
    I told them this fact openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

    The American said, talking about love marriages........
    'I'll tell you …….
    I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter,and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
    Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather...........
    And you say you have family problems'.

    Gimme a break dude…..
  • NN
    NN wrote:
    Dirty Words

    This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn`t wait to go into town, tease the barmaids and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I`ll be right back..."

    "Where are you going coochy cooh...?", asked the wife. "

    I`m going to the bar, pretty face. I`m going to have a beer."

    The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

    The husband doesn`t know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you know... the frozen glass...".

    He didn`t get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?"

    She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

    The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d`oeuvres that are really delicious...I won`t be long. I`ll be right back. I promise. OK?"

    "You want hors d`oeuvres poochi pooh?"

    She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d`oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

    "But sweet honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."

    The wife looks at him and said: "You want some dirty words cutie pie? SIT THE FUCK DOWN - DRINK YOUR FUCKIN` BEER IN YOUR FROZEN FUCKIN` MUG - EAT YOUR FUCKIN` SNACKS - YOU AREN`T GOING TO THE FUCKIN` BAR !!! GOT IT, ASSHOLE ?!?!"
  • Stanley Zarretta


    Husband Store;

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in Beijing , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 42,4567,999 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to pleased. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    ----------

    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.


  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    lol at "dirty words", "no pussy for a week", and "the husband store"

    A teacher in a US based international school was was giving out final assignments to his class of students from Africa, Europe, Asia, South America, and the United States of America (Mexicans and Canadians either don't travel or don't go to school, I guess, so there were no other North Americans).
    The teacher gave his students the following essay assignment :

    "Please write your own point of view regarding the world food shortage."

    The teacher hands out the essay books and waits. After only a couple minutes, the African student comes up to the teacher. His paper is completely blank. The teacher is confused and asks why the student hasn't written anything. The student replies, "I'm sorry, but I don't understand the question. Could you please tell me, what does 'food' mean?"

    After another couple of minutes, the South American student walks up to the teacher, and his paper is also blank. The teacher asks why the student didn't write anything, and the student responds, "I don't know, what does 'please' mean?"

    Soon, the European walks up to the teacher, and sure enough, she hasn't written a thing. By now, the teacher is becoming frustrated, and he shortly asks his student what's wrong. The girl replies, "I don't understand what you're asking. What is 'shortage'?"

    The girl sits back down, and shortly the Asian student walks up to the now quite irate teacher, holding a blank sheet of paper. He says, "I'm sorry teacher, but I don't know what we're supposed to write. This isn't something that you talked about during lecture. Could you please tell me, what is my 'own point of view'?"

    The teacher is now understandably upset, and it doesn't help that not a minute goes by before the last student, an American, comes up to him with a blank paper. Before the teacher can even ask, the American says in a loud voice, "Sorry teacher, but I just don't know what this question is asking. I mean, what is 'the world'?"
  • Sofia
    Sofia wrote:
    ok,give u two smiles
  • Hariwan Zebari
    During the maths class, Brian is asked by the teacher:

    - Brian, there are three birds on a tree, I shoot one. How many birds are left ?

    - None! You killed one, and because of the noise, the two other flew away!

    - No Brian, there are two birds left! But I like the way you think!

    - Ok! I also have a question for you. Three women are enjoying ice cream: one is bitting it, the second one is liking it, the last one is sucking it. Which one is married?

    - Mmmm, its hard to tell! I'll say the one sucking the ice cream!

    - No! The married one is the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think!

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