Discussion » Dating & Romance » Marriage? No thanks!

  • John
    John wrote:
    I haven't ruled out casual dating (sex), but as I've gotten older I've come to really lose interest in the idea of marriage. You see, I've already been on both sides of the dating spectrum and have seen a bit too much. I've been the nice guy at times and I've also been the guy who has "helped a few women out" when they were sick of their boyfriends. I've been the guy with all the money and time in the world to take a woman out and keep her entertained. I've also been the guy struggling financially and therefore forgotten. I've been the guy to get sex on the first day and I've also been the guy to pass on many great opportunities with some very hot women from different countries! These are just a few examples but you get the point.

    Now most of you would say that this is simply how life works and that we have highs and lows and that we'll eventually find the right person. Although this may be true, one thing I have come to realize over time is that you CAN NOT be yourself and get the person you want and if you are that lucky, you MAY END UP not being good enough for them!

    To make things worse, women follow and maintain tradition. Tradition is simply the popular belief system at any given time which actually changes constantly. Today's truth becomes outdated and useless at a much faster rate as we live in the information age where new ideas come quickly and tear away at whatever foundations we may have worked hard to build. This means that as a man no matter how hard you work, or how MAN you are, you are taking a HUGE GAMBLE even entertaining the idea of marriage which over time can be a huge mental, physical, financial and legal headache. All it takes is the "right person" to cause infidelity and you can be sure society will protect her arguments as women are seen to be the weaker sex. All it takes is the wrong chain of events to cause a woman to divorce and walk off with almost everything her man has. Now I do admit that there are women who have helped their men become strong over the years but people in such relationships RARELY feel the need to divorce. A huge majority of the men of today are taught to seek out the "trophy wife" instead of the woman who best meets his needs and current situation.

    All that to say that although I love women, perhaps I don't love them enough to marry them. Let me know how you guys feel!
  • John
    John wrote:
    A man has to learn how to complete himself for it is a woman's goal to survive and search for what society teaches her is the cream of the crop in men. If you look for the woman to help you then you'll have a lot to lose as far as relationships are concerned....
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    All aboard the dying alone train! Next stop, autoerotic asphyxiation.
  • John
    John wrote:
    No desires, no disappointments....
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    We came to this world alone ...
  • Siliconfish
    Siliconfish wrote:

    A friend of mine broke up with her 10-year boyfriend and got married real soon after with a new guy which she just start seeing for like 3 months. Cases like this are severely more than I can imagine. I know all these whys but still it bothers me sometimes.

    Anyways, compare to jumping into marriage too soon and recklessly, for me not getting married when having doubts somehow shows more faith in marriage.

    I think when it comes to relationship, the socalled opposites attract is like a bottle of fine wine. It's spoiled when it's poured out. And when it comes to marriage...the wine is long gone...and the water comes in..as well as tears,spit,liquor,puke....all sorts of fascinating stuff..-O-.

    As for me probably will end up with a guy I really like and we make two babies. Never get married till..maybe 50...If we are still stick to each other...(I think I just have to prove it myself that marriage is somehow a credential for a love relationship.)...as cynical as I may sound, I do hope everything goes ok though...fingers crossed.lol.



  • John
    John wrote:
    Very well put mojito!
  • Sally
    Sally wrote:
    dont believe marriage
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hmmm ... stupid questions time ...

    1. shows faith in marriage Vs afraid of issues, eventually leading to failure?
    1a. people are more afraid of failed marriages (or relationships) than failed business ... why?
    2. And what is "too soon"? one month? one year? 5 years?

    I have friends who got married after dating/meeting for less that a year, and that had worked very well for both, and the kids ...

    And then there are those, who had dated (or even lived together) for a few years. got married and then split ...

    So one thing that had intrigued me is, what is so "bad" about this thing called "marriage"? In the latter case, the pre-marriage relationship worked out beautifully, but once they got married, everything went downhill ...

    Having seen so many successful as well as failed marriages, all I want to say is, to each his/her own ... in this regards, there are three types of people:

    1. those who would never make it in a marriage but maybe OK in a relationship
    2. those who are better being single, and of course ...
    3. those who would find the better half, and live happily ever after, through thick and thin ...

    god bless ...
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    I can't tell just how much I hate marriage. I'm not talking about commitment or about starting a family. Just marriage itself.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    I was in a realtionship for 13 and a half years. We had a son together. Neither of us ever felt the need to get married. What would it change? Nothing, as far as I can see.

    Good thing we didn't because we'd be divorced now, and divorce is expensive.
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Actually I guess marriage is not necessary and just an institution created by the ones who wish to control us. Before the institutionalization of marriage people simply became married or at least became bound to each other in a relationship by choice of just sticking together.

    I guess i was approaching this question from the wrong angle at first. I was thinking about the institution of marriage instead of the spirit.

    I like the spirit of marriage, but I do not feel the need to get a certificate to prove to everyone that I love my other half. She may probably have a different view about this when i find her and it may affect what I decide to do hehe. I hope she does not want a huge rock because I definitely thing diamonds are so useless. It is totally a turn off if a woman cannot survive without a diamond. So superficial. Like love is contained in that shiny piece of carbon who mine owners have convinced everyone are rare haha SUCKERS. Diamonds are not rare at all. They are actually very plentiful! Look how many people have them!!!

    However I would share my mind and heart with someone who is worthy and willing to share hers with me.
  • №❶ Passioη
    hehe... divorce is even better that ending up in a box... really.. Some men still find a way to be happy in wedLOCK...

    Jake was dying. His wife sat at the
    bedside. He looked up and said
    weakly, "I have something I must
    confess."

    "There's no need to," his wife replied.

    "No," he insisted, "I want to die in
    peace. I slept with your sister, your
    best friend, her best friend, and your
    mother!"

    "I know, I know," she replied. "Now
    just rest and let the poison work."
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Haha righteous!
  • John
    John wrote:
    LOL!

    "Actually I guess marriage is not necessary and just an institution created by the ones who wish to control us."

    EXACTLY. It's much easier to tax a marriage than a late night visit to your favorite lady. My experience with women plus my great interest in certain historical and governmental matters have led me to conclude that no matter how close I am to any woman, even if I love her a lot, marriage will NEVER work. However I CAN be her best friend if she lets me. This will work for her family as well as mine nor will it mess up our financial matters. Money (stability) first!
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Wait until you're out of your 40s and having a mid-life crisis because you're worried about what else could have been. Maybe you'll have yet another epiphany.
  • John
    John wrote:
    Maybe, maybe not. I will admit that I have much more important things to focus on other than the dating/marriage scene. I'd hate to be out of my 20s/40s having changed my views and not being able to do anything about it because I didn't apply myself and focused on worthless relationships in my twenties. Now is definitely not the time for me to even take such things seriously.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    I'm well out of my 20's, friendo. As far as I can see the leading cause of divorce is...marriage.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    40? Mid-life crisis? Been there, done that ... have not been completely resolved yet, currently still in crisis, hahaha ...

    Not sure if marriage is the cause of divorce, but one thing for sure, if you dont get married, you will never worry about divorce ...
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    some things improve, having many experiences, learning of mistakes. Love is not one of them. Each bad experience is a good oportunity for have scars and develop social problems as the imposibility for the comprimise, jealousy, confidence....
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    I love the feeling marriage provides. I will be marrying for the 3rd time soon in Nanjing and I look at marriage a bit different then most. Paulina, you are right on the money.

    Why marry, as my friends Kodi and Peter put it? One reason to marry is when you absolutely don't want anyone else to marry the one you love...simplistic perhaps. Sure, the possibility of divorce is there...but to me, the benefits of marriage outweigh the possibilities of a future failed marriage.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    For the third time? You kind of proved my point right there, Mr. Ritter.
  • Siliconfish
    Siliconfish wrote:
    Nothing is wrong with marriage rather it has been and still is a romantic notion. However it just doesn't carry as much affection of love as it used to. The case I was refering was not really about the duration of relationship. It was about marriage seems to come as a side product after a painful breakup especially for a girl living in China.

    A wise man once said all happy families resemble one another, every unhappy family is unhapyy in it's own way. Family building takes more than just a good wish,or being finacially stable. So I see no wrong to take time and really think it through before doing it. Though I'm in no position to say the girls who bury the memory of their true love with tears, and trade their happiness for a "suitable" mate. Life is magical in someway you know let's see where is takes us.

    Being an adult sucks by the way, like now have to think much. Me and others, guts and sensibitly, maybe having both is just too much to ask.
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Peter, My first marriage lasted 27 years and the 2nd lasted 11. Perhaps this 3rd marriage will last 40 years..I most certainly want to live to 100 like my uncle and grandmother. Now Peter, some people are free spirited and enjoy being free to choose as they feel. It is working for you, and in many ways I am envious of your lifestyle in BJ. Many people likeme prefer the companionship and partnership that marriage provides(or the freedom being single provides). In my case, my new wife (to be) and I want a couple/few kids so marriage is the right choice. And as you know, unless I marry her she can't come to America.

    Now Letsmojito, you make an assertion that may or may not be true..in that for many, love and marriage still mean quite a bit.hard to figure relative numbers. Perhaps in China (I am in the USA), the sense of marriage has changed, though for some of the girls I know in China, it means everything. You are right, marriage after a breakup can be for many reasons. Most first marriages are thought of as everlasting, where subsequent marriages people have a different realistic perspective.

    Letsmojito, your last line was amusing in some ways. We all have our sucky moments, and being an adult carries adult problems/rewards. I remember when I was in school and I couldn't wait to be an adult..to have money, be my own boss, not having to take orders from my parents, go where I want. Then as an adult with a zillion reposibilities such as a wife, kids, paying for food, clothes, housing, etc...damn, I wanted to go back to being a kid, with almost no responsibilities. LOL
  • .
    . wrote:
    A friend of mine called me on April 2nd and told me she just got married with someone she met 5 months ago. I thought it's just a late fool day joke, but she wasn't kidding. For sure I feel happy for her, as I always do when I hear friends end up in a stable lifestyle. On the other hand, it makes me a little bit gloomy about myself.

    Being a single mom with a 2 years' old mix-blooded kid is not easy at all. Luckily, things are getting better and better slowly with supports from family and friends. I never feel regret for my decision and I am trying the best to provide my family a good life and stay positive myself . But honestly speaking, I cannot imagine myself ever get married. I am not saying I don't want to or I will never get ready for it. It's just somehow too far away from me.

    Please don't get me wrong, I haven't given up love. I still believe in love and I enjoy loving someone and being loved. I think I cherish it even more than the others because I know too clearly that it fades for sure.

    Anyway, for those who are/ will be in a marriage, I think you are very lucky.
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Shayla....hope/love springs eternal. There seems to be many single moms in China..so I suppose there would be many single dads.

    It is my understanding many Chinese guys won't marry a single mom for culture reasons, where a foreigner might not care so much..as long as the new wife was what he is looking for. You have a mixed blood kid..a bundle of joy in my eyes (I have had 5 kids) Good for you.

    Best wishes in your search for love...and a new, happy marriage. :)

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