Discussion » Nonsense » The Balanced Chinese Girl: Myth?

  • Marco R
    Marco R wrote:
    It seems that recently the topic among my friends (both men and women) and I is about Chinese gals.

    I'm sure all of you have the met the extremes. The completely superficial gold digger type thriving on the new millionaire culture radically developing since the Deng XiaoPing era- to the country born, less out going type (works day in day out, maybe watches a DVD here and there, goes hiking and saves money).

    Is there a balanced Chinese girl? Do they exist? OF COURSE, but in what proportion to the said extremes?

    Another thing I've been considering is a value system or lack thereof . It seems China in the early days had a strict moral order (filial piety, huge emphasis on education, family unit importance, you know....values... )
    China being religious-less also can also in turn mean a loose sense of values, especially today since the opening of China to the world in the late 70s (78?). Maybe I should focus on large cities like Beijing since I've noticed in the country areas and out west, folks tend to be a bit more traditional, which is nice.
    Money seems to be the culture of today, and is huge pull factor for women when meeting their man. granted, money and stability is vastly important when considering marriage and the like, but in simple romantic relationships in our 20s, it seems more difficult to attract those beautiful girls (specifically beautiful, like p1 beautiful) out there if you can't provide what every high roller fat cat chinese guy spoils her with.

    <<Side note. You rich Chinese guys are screwing up the game for everyone.>>

    I've definitely said a lot more about this topic than what I'm writing. Meaning I include a number of curses and what not.

    Anyhow I'm just trying to say i think its difficult to find that balanced Chinese girl who is beautiful, intelligent, outgoing and with a good set of values. Is this really that rare? Think back to your home countries. These type of women (beau,intell,outgoin,values) were attainable in our respective homelands, but here, it seems like a far fetched idea. Why?

    Comments. (Gosh, I'm sticking myself in the back with this post)
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    there are many of this kind that u say ¨Chinese girl who is beautiful, intelligent, outgoing and with a good set of values¨, but they can´t speak english, so they are hidden for the foreigners eyes...
  • John
    John wrote:
    "Another thing I've been considering is a value system or lack thereof . It seems China in the early days had a strict moral order (filial piety, huge emphasis on education, family unit importance, you know....values... )"

    The Chinese realize this and there has recently been a move by government to reinstill values that made the Chinese more human.

    Adolfo makes a good point as well, the better girls don't really speaky any English.

    Another thing you might wanna note is that you attract what you are. Meaning that the quality of the female depends directly on how much work you're willing to put in, how genuine you are as a person at any given time in your life, etc. You CANNOT get a high quality girl from any society and belong to a lower class. For example, if you're just an English teacher in China you're just not gonna cut it. Most of the better women automatically assume that English teachers are losers back home so for the most part the only type of girls you'll attract are ones looking for a fling and a nice dinner. Nothing more, nothing less.

    If you're a foreigner, you should do yourself a favor and NOT take the local gals too seriously.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    I will say that I've had some degree of success with girls here in my few short months and I'm a poor student with no income (and yeah, they know that hahaha) and I never buy girls drinks at bars unless it's a day two or something. But then again, maybe I get more trust instinctively because I'm yellow and not white/black/brown/red. The girls who think that foreigners are only looking for flings don't generally apply those feelings to ABC's quite as readily.

    On the other hand, I do think a lot of girls get the idea that if they were born with or purchased a beautiful face, they should be compensated for it. Return on investment, or something like that.

    Also, about local non-English speaking girls being nicer/whatever/etc., I sort of tend to agree with that. They seem to be a bit more trusting and naive, with an outlook on life less spoiled by western ideals. But I've been too lazy to try to communicate without English so I'm kinda missing out I guess.

    Think about where your meeting all these English speaking gals though. Clubs/bars? Here? That makes a difference too.
  • John
    John wrote:
    "But then again, maybe I get more trust instinctively because I'm yellow and not white/black/brown/red."

    EXACTLY. They see you as one of them therefore they lower their standards as they assume you're already hip to the culture/way of life here and you're more stable (you can stay for a long time). The pressure for sex isn't as high either so they can be themselves and look at the interaction as genuine and not a meat market.

    "On the other hand, I do think a lot of girls get the idea that if they were born with or purchased a beautiful face, they should be compensated for it. Return on investment, or something like that."

    RIGHT! Makes perfect sense too.
  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    After reading all this, i find nothing to say!!
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    quote Adolfo Secades: there are many of this kind that u say ¨Chinese girl who is beautiful, intelligent, outgoing and with a good set of values¨, but they can´t speak english, so they are hidden for the foreigners eyes...

    This is good reason for foreigners to learn chinese! hee hee afterwards you can get right one!
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    OTOH, every girl is now taught English from a young age all the way through college... doesn't that mean the younger girls (late teens/early 20's) who DON'T understand English are the ones who are less intelligent, screwed around at school, and didn't properly learn? The more ambitious girls all think it's very important to know English to have a competitive advantage in the international markets.
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    Can't stop laughing here!

    I know a genuine completely true gold digger. She's 26 or so, dates a rich Chinese in his 40s or so. But she loves a young foreign guy who never in his life can compete on the money / business / successfulness of the Chinese buddy. Yet they tap the same ass.

    I believe that a girl finds you attractive by the way you make her feel, the emotions you start in her.

    That "friend of mine" chose her way: unhappy wedding but money. Don't believe everyone is like that.

    And the myth that you NEED to be rich to get girls is quite old and has proven completely wrong.
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    And all the Chinese dudes will also tell you that it's so unfair because all the laowais get the girls because girls think foreigner are more sexy / handsome etc... than chinese guys.
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    saibos right
    such a nice community... money money ......................huh, wtf
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    All I see in the initial post is not a description of how Chinese girls are, it's a dude complaining that he can't get a girl. (I might be wrong, that's just the feeling I get)
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    You see that Marco, Blair is already throwing it at me, and she does not even know yet that I earn 70 000 rmb per week!
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    Dude, you think too much. Superficial women are everywhere.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Marco, check ur Aardvarks group and lemme know the answer to my Q. Thanks! haha
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    True story, my ex-girlfriend in China went to a bar with me once, then her parents said they would disown her if they found out she went again. They have this idea that it's full of perverts and drug dealers and criminals. But c'mon, that's only like 47% of the people in the bar, not even a majority!
  • SaSa♣Yi
    SaSa♣Yi wrote:
    @Pailina
    What r u talking about? Yes, I have to say, club is a frustrating place for meeting ppl. But I think most girls go to club just for relaxation and hanging out with friends instead of mingling with strange guys...
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Beijing is a place where social status counts a lot. Ppl endeavor to make a better life by working so hard. becuz Chinese ppl wanna be taken seriously and care so much about opinions of others than themselves.
    Yes, How pathetic! Reality and love are almost contradictory sometimes.
  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    @ Paulina
    Is it the bad girls that go out to bars? Get serious. So you the good ones should come to the jungle!!!!
  • Albulena Imeri
    From my personal experience, many girls hang out in Sanlitun are very materialistic and superficial. Top 2% in the world.

    But there are definitely many traditional and conservative girls who don't often go to bars.

    I saw some news that 60% of the college girls are into 2nd-gen wealthy dudes. Not sure how accurate it is?
  • John
    John wrote:
    @Marco

    Meetings through friends are indeed the best. I had almost ten years in China before I left to hang out with my female friend in Korea. If you want the cream of the crop, you'll find it at:

    1. Your friend's house party
    2. The workplace

    As for no. 2, I have NEVER been disappointed with a girl I picked up from the workplace. Some people say that they don't shit where they eat etc. etc. but I think its better this way as its easier to see them for who they are before you make an offer of any kind. Either we were just friends or we were "buddies" but in both cases we were able to maintain a certain level of respect for each other AND get to know each other on a deeper level which ended up establishing a decent friendship. There are women to this day who still keep in touch with me although we just had fun. I think this is kind of what you're looking for. A woman who's decent and respects herself yet will understand your wants, needs, goals and desires without giving you too much pressure.

    As for the attracting what you are statement, its a bit more challenging as this is not your country which therefore skews logic in your relations with the average Chinese chick. You can have very high standards and STILL get stuck with the low quality ones. If I were back home in the States I could pull a real nice woman EASILY, but I'm not back home.

    To pull the chick you want you have to show her you're in a very stable position and you have to be more disciplined in your approach. That is, not only should you have high standards but you should stick to them even if it means missing out on the girl you wanted on a random night.

    @Saibo

    I've been "the other guy" before with a really good looking Chinese woman. I was quite surprised myself at the situation and how lucky I was....
  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    @Jon, i am officially your friend. Any one to meet?
  • John
    John wrote:
    "I saw some news that 60% of the college girls are into 2nd-gen wealthy dudes. Not sure how accurate it is?"

    VERY. A guy who is still young, in good shape, hasn't had to put in serious work but has all of the resources of his father who did.
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Dude there are tons of superb Chinese women all over Beijing. Look at all the office buildings with thousands of beautiful, successful, independent, intelligent, fun loving, hard working, single Chinese women! You do not usually find them in a bar, but perhaps some would like to have a drink, but just have not had time to meet that special someone. However, they may not be looking only to play with a man or perhaps some are.

    I want to find a superb balanced Chinese woman and I am repulsed by the club type, and I am scorned by the extremely traditional type who are not in touch with their romantic side (Low EQ) because I cannot simply turn off my heart for outside reasons that have nothing to do with the fundamental element of love within a relationship. The right girl is out there, but perhaps you need to rethink your approach and also change the places you search for them.

    Thousands of beautiful, young, radiant Chinese women out there and they are single, balanced, and loving. They just have not been approached by the right guy. They have their own money, own career, own mind. I think that is superb!!!
  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    @John
    I am your friend remember, can you get them to the jungle?
  • John
    John wrote:
    @Kodi

    Well said as always man. Well said!
  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    @P
    What are the bad girls?
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Well for any women who are into the romantic type who are willing to grow with someone and to face the future together. If they are not so shallow to think that money is the answer to everything then.........perhaps there is a chance
  • Albulena Imeri
    @John:

    VERY. A guy who is still young, in good shape, hasn't had to put in serious work but has all of the resources of his father who did.“

    They are lazy then. Maybe becoz they are young and don't know what they want, at least I hope that.

    And I agree with you on managing relationships with the high-class girls. I know some of them are very smart.
  • John
    John wrote:
    @Mr. Bond

    I agree with you on that one. They are indeed young and although they don't know what they ultimately want, in the meantime they want to be entertained. I've never really been into college girls. I've always fallen for the older corporate type or just older in general as they've already been around the block a few times.

    SIDE NOTE: The best Chinese girl for an American man is an ABC. I have not come across one ABC girl I have NOT wanted as a friend or more. A lot of local girls I ran away from due to their unrealistic views on basically everything.
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    If what you are doing is not working then why would you keep doing it? Now that is insanity.

  • Albulena Imeri
    @John:
    "I've always fallen for the older corporate type or just older in general as they've already been around the block a few times."

    Please be more specific abt your opinion on their characteristics. Long-term relationship, etc. Merci.

    Many ABC girls I know have good set of values.
  • Albulena Imeri
    @Paulina: "Not the many girls hang out in Sanlitun are very materialistic and superficial. Top 2% in the world. (they of couse do it) "

    I am afraid that I don't understand what u mean.

    But it's pretty hard having a relationship with a girl who drinks more than I do, believe me.
  • John
    John wrote:
    Corporate women are just hot. They usually fit Kodi's description: too hot, too busy for casual dating and many interests. Well read and often well traveled. They dress well, eat good and aren't afraid to speak their mind. On top of that, although they may be stronger than you financially, they LOVE playing the role of a real woman and will support you in whatever you do. They're often looking for something genuine instead of just looks and status. Although status matters to them they are much more attracted to men who want to get to know them for who they are.

    As far as sex is concerned, they're less likely to make it such a huge issue as they have:

    1. done a bit in college (if they didn't already start in high school)
    2. are in a position where they aren't able to get it as easily but are still highly selective. This means that if you are indeed her type all the way she will be more than glad to go all the way with you without any BS whatsoever. You have to follow through with clear communication and consistent effort though.

    Older women just like the corporate ones have been there and done that. They don't care about the material things you have to offer, they get off on your youth and creativity. As long as you two click sex is NEVER an issue. With both corporate and older, you will spend most of your time having interesting converstation which is just as big a part of sex as the actual act. Sex begins the moment a woman looks at you believe it or not.

    ABCs? You can't lose with 'em! Most of them have the same diet as the average American which gives them more of a fuller appearance. They have an American appearance but maintain a Chinese outlook. They don't let their looks get to their heads for the most part as the average American girl has a fuller look, sometimes TOO FULL (like, fat). They prefer to marry within their race but when it comes to dating are for the most part very open as long as the guy meets the "average American guy" qualifications (neat, intelligent, can hold a converstation etc.).

    Hope that explains everything!
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    Just do a simple survey of the Chinese girls you currently know, ask them what's their major is, they are students or employee, if they are working, what industries they are in, maybe you will find something in common, haha. You know why I merely comment on threads like "Chinese girls this, Chinese girls that"? Coz most foreigners never have a chance to see the below water part of the iceberg. For details, check out what Kodi said ;)

  • Andre Lund
    Andre Lund wrote:
    hey now... not just ABC's. we english girls are sometimes pretty fun too
  • John
    John wrote:
    @Katrina

    Right. You get my point though! ; )
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    @John: Now there is a man who is doing his homework. Broken down like a true gentleman.
  • Albulena Imeri
    For the record, I have tremendous respect to Chinese women I know and I do think many of them are kind, responsible and family-oriented.
  • Synne Syverstad
    r u the law ? r u the rule ? what is the right value ? urs ?
    dont judge others so easily. leave alone a nation. there r millions of Chinese girl, how many do u know ?
    and about the rich Chinese guys, they made their money by their efforts.anything wrong ? I heard that Americans always value hard working and the achievements. r u an exception?or u just say it for u cant make it ?
  • Synne Syverstad
    Btw, I have to say there is one thing u did quite well~u do chose a perfect category for this note——Nonsense.
  • Albulena Imeri
    "I saw some news that 60% of the college girls are into 2nd-gen wealthy dudes. Not sure how accurate it is?"

    It's a survey targetted to college girls in Guangzhou. My statement is not accurate or the survey is not very scientific.
  • Alicia WANG
    Alicia WANG wrote:
    balanced chinese girl always with chinese man.
  • Pavoir Sponse
    Pavoir Sponse wrote:
    Hey Sheryl,

    show some balance here, you nutter ;)
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Oooooh Sheryl I love you for this

    I am from U.S. I would not say it is better off. We also eat our young.
  • Albulena Imeri
    Sheryl: That wasn't meant to be a "benchmark". But I suggest that u watch what u say.
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Damn lucky Chinese man.....
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:
    Yeah, this post is sort of judgemental, at least it's not "scientific" at all (all faults are related to sampling method) haha.

    This country is still not that international, and Beijing is not that international too, coz a great deal of Beijing younsters only have quite a few years of exposure to a comparatively "open" environment, and many of Chinese still do not interested in such an exposure even they have a chance, since China is not an immigrant country, and the old mindset of "we are awesome and self-sufficient" and things like that are still overwhelming. All these do not mean that girls are not "balanced, intelligient and responsible", actually it's very likely that it is those factors that cultivated many "balanced, intelligient and responsible" Chinese girls. The only problem, or the negative effect is: many of them still consider foreigners "foreigner", maybe they are nice to you, but that's all, and their own life is still deep into the circle of their family, classmates, co-workers, family's friends, classmates' friends, co-worker's friends, and such "core circle" will never open to foreign guys. Oh, of coz, many of them never and never considered to GO TO BARS.

    Maybe after 20-30 years, there will be plenty of girls who are "balanced, intelligient, responsible and family-oriented" and naturally consider all men just MEN no matter where they come from, but as for right now, my suggestion to those foreign friends who's willing to find such girls is: to be frank, you need to be very very "Chinese" first, and the very first step is you can speak good Chinese.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    Definitely Sheryl. The ex-pat in China is not exactly a model of balance and stability. Trust me. I know.
  • Aurélien
    Aurélien wrote:
    Protips:

    - Get rich.
    or
    - Get handsome.
  • Gøran Viken
    Gøran Viken wrote:
    This is just overgeneralizing a cultural "other." We're all guilty of it based on the environment in which we're raised, but I think you should think a little more about the perspective you're coming from before you pose a question like that. Chinese people are guilty of immediately categorizing foreigners as well, it's just something built into us.

    Obviously there are "balanced" or "normal" Chinese girls. And there are tons of attractive (chinese or otherwise) women who couldn't give two shits how much cash you're carrying. Not trying to rain on your parade, but the "rich fat chinese fat guys blah blah" excuse is the same as the excuse we've all made since primary school about girls we can't get with guys who are somehow coming out ahead
  • John
    John wrote:
    Great post Da Fan. I know a few guys who are hell bent on marrying an Asian girl and I just don't get it. With me it just happened naturally and I just happened to grow up here. These guys won't find what they're looking for any time soon. Good luck to them!
  • John
    John wrote:
    *Not marriage, dating!
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    Alicia said "balanced chinese girl always with chinese man. "

    Why's that? Obviously they're not going to be with some douche-bag foreign guy who can't even speak the language of the country he's living in, But I guess that some guy like Dashan or Caocao (or 叮当叔叔 or JimmyBond) who actually has
    decent ability to hold a conversation can meet a perfectly balanced Chinese girl.

    Of course, they'd most likely have to meet her outside of China, because girls who grew up and lived in China their whole lives, while being perfectly balanced by Chinese standards, are probably in no way suitable to what a normal /balanced European guy would look for.

    This is such a strange question though. "Why don't more Chinese girls suit XYZ cultures values?" Because they're not from XYZ! They fit Chinese values.
    Chinese people don't date traditionally, they just marry. Every Chinese word for dating actually means looking for a spouse, except for the newly developed concept of “谈恋爱” [literal translation, "being stupid" according to my dear girlfriend]. Chinese people don't typically get engaged, because they've been engaged by default long before they ever had sex.

    Most any Chinese who actually have a boyfriend they're not planning to marry are from the city and have money. (You don't worry about having a fun and happy life if all your life is dedicated to making enough money to buy a house in Beijing that your parents can move into after you've been married for a year and have your kid).

    You want to know why a pretty girl with money from the city isn't chasing down foreign guys? Why the hell would they be? Do you see comparable girls doing that in XYZ country? Those girls have a surplus of rich kids (富二代) chasing them, and those rich kids know how to hit on girls much better than you do. They also drive Maserati, and in a culture that's based on showing off how rich you are so you can make the right connections, that's more attractive than your "knee how".
  • John
    John wrote:
    "All in all this is just another manifesto of social inequality and the gap between the rich and the poor makes the majority of those who cannot keep up to get it other ways."

    Beautifully put!

  • wrote:
    "This country is still not that international, and Beijing is not that international too"

    Why should China and Beijing be so-called international?
    China and Beijing are diversified and multi-sided enough.

    Beijing people like Roast Duck, you no t need to eat snail to prove you are so-called international. Get used to the natural differences that different culture bears.

    If you stay in some Arabic countries, you are not allowed to speak to their female, not even talking about other things.
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:
    啊,我确实没觉得必须要这样啊,我还没觉得必需要全球化,或者必须要开放,我甚至没觉得必须要学英语,甚至我在想人类为什么非要去寻求发展,等等等等。我不是说我不同意这些,我只是说这些话题都是可争论的,我从没觉得这些是必然的公理。只不过,这些都是别的话题了~~
  • wrote:
    哈哈,对呀
    其实我也是这么想
    我就觉得这没啥公理
    可我不喜欢吃烤鸭,我喜欢吃烤串,烤鸡翅,原味的
  • wrote:
    也不是不喜欢吃烤鸭,是没去那个最正宗的吃过,悲剧吧!
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:
    对话总是要有平台嘛。我跟人谈论一件事儿,经常能碰到他说的事儿的默认前提条件我就不同意的,不过我知道我去究那些,结果只能是没结果,再说对当时情景来说也不重要,所以也就算了。哈哈~你要是有兴趣再开题啊:D
  • wrote:
    我的兴趣就是在一个话题中间强行插入,结果就是这个话题很快终结,哈哈
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hahahaha ...

    Ming said "some douche-bag foreign guy who can't even speak the language of the country he's living in" ... that's me! And what do you guys think about my new kitchen look? hahahaha ...

    Let's get back to "balanced"... another word I was looking for, is "content" ...

    Everyone is always on the look out for something better or someone better ... or someone with something better ... one particular Chinese girl that I know has a BF (now husband) for 7+ years, and even after she had got married, she still hangs around the Tun and spends time with lots of foreigners that she "met" online ...

    Seriously, I would like to see a truely balanced person, guy or girl, Chinese, Asian, American, African etc ... the old Chinese saying, 人若无求品自高... who can be balanced, or content?
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Well, that, Zhaohong, depends. What is she wearing underneath the suit?
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Nope! I don't want that super power either. It makes the process of taking the girls clothes off less fun if you can already see what's underneath. I would rather have the ability to shrink a girl down into pocket-sized shape so I can carry a few around with me wherever I go, and then just add a few drops of water and she grows back to normal size. Now that would be freaking cool.
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:
    Jon, you are freak! haha. Maybe girls also want to shrink you to certain size that makes you a man-shape dildo! hahahah. Get you suffocated if you do a bad job, or get you drown if you do it good :D
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    I spoke with some of my Scholarly Chinese friends from Bei da, various universities abroad, and homegrown in China on this matter. Some of them are women and some of them are men. All of them have mentioned the considerable pressure being increasingly placed on women in China to be independent and become 女强人!Single child families created by the state have a considerable effect on this phenomenon because of pressures to care for family members while also being able to be her own person without being totally dependent on a man. If a woman is a single child she may come to the realization that she has a couple of viable choices due to the dynamics of male/female relations in an over misogynistic world.

    1. She can be totally independent and meticulously control her emotions in regard to searching for love or even having meaningful relationships with men, for she chooses the path of power. She must become more like a man in order to achieve her perception of what power and success are. (This perception was planted in her brain by men because most of what she has learned about power is in direct reference to a mans power or a woman who has achieved power through being more like men.)

    2. She can be totally dependent on a man who is looking for a woman to take care of the home, children, watch the money, etc...... The homemaker without her own mind. I do not know how pervasive this is today in China, but it seems there is not a shortage of these women either.

    3. She can find her own womanly power. she can be independent, have love, have her own mind, possibly have children or not, possibly marry or not, etc... If she does want to find a man and build a balanced loving relationship it would be wise of her to find a balanced man who is open to having a woman with her own mind who does net necessarily need him for anything other than personal connection and intimacy. This may be difficult to say the least because of the socialized power differences inherent throughout modern society.

    With reference to the above not all powerful men need a weaker woman (he may be ok with a woman who is as powerful, but rarely will he be ok with a woman more powerful than he), and not all powerful women want a man weaker then themselves (she may be ok with a man more powerful or ass powerful because remember "Power is defined and created by men in the first place".

    A powerful woman who achieves manly power may intimidate most men, so perhaps that is why most of them are single. Most powerful men may have ideas about women that run counter to a powerful woman's ideas about herself, therefore the two types above more often than not fall into power marriages of convenience instead of true loving relationships. For example, they may be together for reproductive reasons, power relations, etc... and this may result in both of them suppressing emotions or finding love outside the marriage or who knows what........

    However I will make the generalization that the third "balanced woman" will not find a relationship with a powerful man fulfilling if he gives her the impression that he wants her to fade into him (give up her own ideas and surrender to his power). She is the most likely to look for love in a relationship and harbor a romantic fantasy about a balanced man that can fulfill her without struggling to eclipse her.

    I am aware that my ideas about the dynamic relationships between men and women may be incomplete at best. Because of this I will be continuing my research for the rest of my life and challenging my beliefs whenever I can in order to arrive at more reliable assumptions. My generalizations may be full of shit! It's just my idea. No one is immune to making generalizations.

    One thing I would like to say is:

    " Men created the idea of power and that is what fucked up relations between women and men." All ideas about balanced wo
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Sorry I wrote more but my connection dropped and I lost the humility part of my post haha!
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    There's a limit to how many characters you can put in each post Kodi. Gotta split that shit up
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Oh damn!!!!! I was not aware : )
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    the more u expect the less u will get!
    don't think other people are balanced or not,just think about What u r first
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    Kodi: +1 Internets to you, good sir.

    I can't blame the gold diggers. My mom was a gold digger back in the 80s, but she went to school and now earns as much money as my stepdad. I have far less sympathy for the "nice guys" who feign naivety and act heartbroken when they get fucked over by ambitious chicks. Who the fuck are these guys kidding?

    I guess the 'bad girls' avoid me because I'm chronically broke. Or is it my small penis? I don't know. But what I do know is that threads like this are incredibly frustrating for me because I'm always running away from the balanced and well-adjusted girls in search of someone who is as proudly fucked up as I am.
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Haha well broken heartedness is not really something to laugh at. Some people are more prone to getting their hearts broken than others. It just has to do with their emotional quotient. We are all different and we all have our shortcomings. No matter who you are you will meet your match no matter how hard or cold you try to make yourself out to be. Feeling is human....... It is funny to me how people try to act like it is a detractor to be soft hearted. However, being too much of anything can cause some problems...

    @Dando Z I agree with your comment about finding someone as messed up as you. The prefect combination or the person who is willing to tolerate certain degrees of deviance from exactly what they are looking for should do well in the love game, but both sides need to work at it. One sided relationships can be harmful.

    Personally I would like to be balanced: A little rich/ a little poor (because I could not buy the new Lexus LF24), a little ugly/ a little hansom, a little liberal/ little conservative, little feminine/little masculine, little assholish/ little nice, but 100 percent open to learning about my partner and doing what needs to be done within reasonable parameters in regard to building a lasting relationship with someone who fills the void for me.

    Hmm Shit this is more complicated the more I think about it......Me me me me We are the fucking Me generation!

    I have previously theorized that it is impossible for anyone to possibly meet the outrageous expectations I have..... But
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    quote Jon Gu ¨OTOH, every girl is now taught English from a young age all the way through college... doesn't that mean the younger girls (late teens/early 20's) who DON'T understand English are the ones who are less intelligent, screwed around at school, and didn't properly learn? The more ambitious girls all think it's very important to know English to have a competitive advantage in the international markets¨

    since some months, I study wushu in a chinese highschool, and I can observe the real level of english, and I can say that is similar that in Spain, this is like my level, a level insufficient for excite to a english native speaker.
    sorry if i wasn´t clear in my first comment, I had in my mind ¨the fluent english with acent¨ that some people learnt between one blowjob and other in sanliturn.
  • 随便叫兽
    随便叫兽 wrote:
    I know what you mean. I'm easygoing and tolerant as hell, but when I take an inventory of all the qualities of my ideal mate (smokes weed, plays videogames, independent, not interested in money, irredeemably perverted), it paints a totally different picture.

    How did I get so picky?
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    HAHA right one dude! Sounds like a winner to me!
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Oh gdm Sheryl! You knocked me off of my ivory tower haha! You are right. However, I should have mentioned that I was referring to real social power in the greater context of society and the power struggle between men and women. It makes sense for the man to relinquish this power when he enjoys so much more power outside the home. Yeah women do enjoy a relatively powerful position in the domestic sphere, but who lets them control that sphere? If the man was not ok with it then she would not control it. They just would not work together in that relationship.

    This is an interesting point you brought up, but I stand by my claim that womens power is largely limited to the domestic within society. For those women who wish to push forth into the societal realm of man's relatively immense power she may be met with a different set of standards governing the acquisition of power. For the women who control the home perhaps they are comfortable with this power and do not wish to have more, but I am concerned with the women who want the outside power a man enjoys.

    I definitely agree with you on some of the unique powers various women may have, but those are their particularly weak powers when placed alongside the powers of men in society. CEO's, Presidents, World Leaders, etc.... Also inequality across the board in terms of pay, baseline assumptions about their abilities, baseline assumptions about their disposition to bear children, and emotional detractors. There are just too many inequalities when looking at the types of powers they are afforded or denied with regard to their sex.

    My argument is that in their struggle for outside power they are finding it necessary to mimic men which may cause various problems in regard to their relations with the opposite sex.

    Thank you for reminding me about Dangerous Liaisons, but the widely held assumptions men have about the emotional power and psychology of women are the same qualities that are used as detractors from their character that effectively land them in their position amongst men within society. Men largely view women as emotionally unstable, weak, petty, and unfit for real power. In the view of most men the place for women is in the home. Give her that power and she will finally shut the hell up. I disagree with this view, but it is still here.

    I always ask my students "What did you do last weekend?" If a female hesitates to answer I always get replies from the guys in the class like, "Shopping, gossip, talk on the phone, try on cloths, look for a man, etc...." I do not think these men all have the same assumptions about women as the result of some sort of freak accident. I never heard a man say, "Oh she was probably planning her career path to land her in a top CEO position." No! those are just not things women do right? So this is what I am talking about. Men have an idea about what women are supposed to do and most women also develop this idea to one degree or another. It is because men have the power to make the assumptions and also have the "brotherhood" strength to enforce these views throughout society.

    @Sheryl: I think we should talk more. I believe we would have a whole lot to talk about since you are also into sociology. I feel I may be able to learn more about this from engaging in discourse with you. One cannot possibly explore every view on his/her own : ) Its a pleasure.....

    Thank you for the insightful post..
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Kodi..you are the insightful one! very interesting commentary between you and Sheryl.

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