Discussion » Dating & Romance » What if you really like someone, but he is not tha

  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    I've been obsessed with this for a while. What would you do if you were me?
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    He is not tha... what? Not that into you?
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    right, not that into you.

  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Well if you were a guy asking this question about a girl, I would ask "how did you fuck it up?" But since you are not a guy.... actually yeah, the same question still applies! haha
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    You go see a witch and ask her to make a love potion! Usually you should have to give up your soul to the devil, but who cares!
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    what do you mean by fuck it up. I don't understand it.
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    haha, Saibo, do you know a good one?
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    I mean what did you do wrong to cause him not to like you? :)
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    I don't know
    maybe he likes me, he is just shy...

    I know, typically he is just not that into you...
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    I'd suggest you try visiting Salem!
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    what is that
    never heard of it
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    How long have you known him, and how did you meet?
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    *puts on my Love Doctor hat...*
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    he is a stupid little boy, probably that's the problem
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    Salem is a city in Massachusetts where there were many trials of witches and is nicknamed the city of witches
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Yep, that's a helpful attitude.

    Just like when a girl turns down a boy, he thinks "oh I'm too good for her anyways."

    That doesn't help at all! You gotta identify the problem. Once you know the problem you can figure out what the source of the problem is and how to stop it from happening again.

    Dating and relationships is all about self-improvement. If something doesn't work out, blame yourself and figure out how to do it better next time, don't blame the other person!

    (on the other hand, I blame my ex-gf for ruining me and turning me jaded and paranoid against any kind of relationship! haha)
  • wrote:
    "he is not that right"
    Girls like bad guys, so you found the right man for you.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Touche, Sun. Two thumbs up
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    haha
    I know he is not right!

    But you can't date every right guy in your life, right?
    sometimes you have to let go and try things, and you will know yourself and what you want better
  • SaSa♣Yi
    SaSa♣Yi wrote:
    if i were u, I would rather he doesn't like me than play me
  • Stanley Zarretta
    if i may ask, why killing yourself for a stupid little boy, with that on your head, do you think you can hide that feeling from him. maybe you just need a pig to ride on, and he is not one. like Jon Gu said go solve your attitude problem and try again. good luck
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Miss Pinko is presumably Chinese ... and when a Chinese girl calls a guy "stupid little boy", that usually means this

    - girl likes boy ...
    - boy studies (or works) towards a goal ... or
    - boy likes to see his buddies more than her ... or
    - boy likes to play video games (or sports) more than being with her ...

    Q: Probably missing some finer details, but does that sound about right?


  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Wow, quite a good insight DD! I'm learning new things on this forum every day.

    But I put on my robe and wizard hat and throw up my "Love Doctor" sign up and after a lengthy discussion, we discovered that "immature boy syndrome" is only part of the issue! But I have nothing more to say on this matter due to the non-disclosure agreement she forced me to sign :P
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hahahaha ... Jon, for some reason, I feel nervious every time you say that you are learning new things ... maybe, just maybe, I should not say too much in the forum, but change to a private consultation mode ...
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    I'm like a sponge. And I like things to be out in the open! Forums and guestbooks are so much fun... haha
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    im facing the same situation.
    and i have been very honest to express my feelings to him,and he never denied my feelings.he respects my thoughts but insists thats only my thoughts,not really what he is.also he is telling me that he doesn't understand why people want to be in love with somebody.
    i could feel that he liked me very much at the beginning,and feel that he is still trying to be nice to me.i think i just expect too much from him .he stays in my mind every single day.even when i was with somebody else,he was still there.but the sad thing was that when i was with him,i didn't know where he was.
    the most frustrating thing is i can't have him when i badly deeply want him.
    and the most amazing thing is that i seldomly have such strong feeling for a person but him
    and i was trying to list the reasons for likes and dislikes,but i can't find any reasonable reason to dislike him.
    im just blindly addicted to him,maybe my life is too boring ,maybe he is too adorable...everthing is possible

    and come back to ur question,
    im trying to keep calm with him and do not expect anything,.try to manage my own life

  • ❤Pinkbubble❤
    My suggestion:
    1.Read the book or watch the movie of .It tell you the truth.
    2.Take your precious time on someone who is worthy
    3.Try once again but if still doesn't work then leave him alone.Find another guy.The next will be better!
    4.Let it be
    Gook luck,girl.Remember never waste your time on someone who can't give you a clear answer.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Here's my advice to you women out there who have this problem... If you are the woman, it is most likely that you're sticking too hard to the boy. You mention that you always honestly express your feelings to him... well, you can't do that! At least not immediately. It has to be a very gradual process. You cannot make him the center of your life because that is far too much pressure to put on someone and you will lose him.

    In general, women and men do this in different ways. In men you have the "nice guy" who smothers a woman he barely knows with his affections. If he was lucky enough that the girl likes him and he gets a 1st date, he will probably blow it by thinking too hard about the date and making a really big deal out of things. The woman loses interest because she realizes that he is trying way too hard and is too interested in her. Why would a reasonable man like a woman that much when he barely knows her? It's creepy!

    And on the reverse, we have the female smotherers. These are the girls who latch on to a man like a sticky rice cake and never let go. The man, who was living a fairly good life before and thought he got lucky by finding a nice sweet girl now watches as his life turns to hell. She calls him and texts him 5 times a day, invades his privacy and always wants to know where he is, talks about their "future" together when their present isn't even that certain yet. Generally when a guy sees this behavior, he will start to back away from the woman, which honestly just makes things worse... a crazy sticky rice cake of a woman doesn't just detach from you, she pulls skin and flesh with her!

    So ladies, do you see how unattractive this type of type of behavior is? You reject men all the time for treating you too nice (creepy), so don't expect anything different when you act creepy to a guy. Calm down, take a deep breath, go find yourself a nice hobby, and stop thinking about him! Maybe you can still save this relationship with him if you leave him alone and he has time to miss you... that is if he ever liked you in the first place!
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Jon ... that's what (the sponge part) worries me ...

    Q: 小麻豆is related to Nicole?
  • Amber
    Amber wrote:
    "i could feel that he liked me very much at the beginning"

    how long would u expect a man to like u? ....pathetic.........

    i mean how do u define a love? as what?



  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    @Jon ,i completely understand what u talking about

    i do realise that its not wise to tell him everthing,but it was not so that bad..
    i appreciate people be honest to me.no one is perfect,we should speak our mind,and sort it out.
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    BTW,who is Nicole??
  • TonyDice
    TonyDice wrote:
    Jon... Sticky rice cake woman: nice.

    Is there a Chinese term for that, like "Green Hat" or "soft Rice Man"? You're pretty spot-on about creepy men (those guys are hopeless) and psycho chicks (I've had a few) Seem like you know you're stuff.

    Missy Pinko: Half the attraction is that he's not that into you. And he never will be. So forget about it.
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hahahaha ... one thing I cannot understand is why most suggestions here (and on the other two threads by Nicole) are all about "splitting up" ...

    The old Chinese saying is 宁教人打仔,莫教人分妻 ... translated: one would rather suggest a friend to hit his child, than to divorce his wife ...

    Over the years, some of my friends would ask me whether to "split up" when they were in trouble, and where possible, I tried to consider all possible facts before ever suggesting it ... even if there is only a slim chance that those two might live happily ever after, I would suggest them to try to work things out, but if the other party is abusive or they fight day-and-night, then I normally said "split" ... so I am really curious, is it really that easy to "split", or is it really that difficult to try to work things out?

    The last post from Miss Pinko was "I know he is not right", then maybe they dont even have a relationship yet? Maybe he has a GF?

    By the way, I dont endorse hitting kids, leave alone one's own child, however, I am 100% against spoiling them, and I believe some form of punishment might always be helpful ...

    Time for lunch ...
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    When someone (like me) is the only kid of mom and dad, grown up with the world moving around you, with your family taking care of you like a little emperor (or princess, someting very common in Spain, and i think also in China), then when you like someone and this person not that into you, mmm then the pride does all the work. wounded pride kidnaps the mind, then the mind begins to look for many excuses for continue in a shit relation, is able to explain and justify all the stupids things. Is very hard for pride accept rejection, is better believe that not. All the feelings of this rejection sometimes are confusing with love.
    A caprice neither more nor less. A good oportunity for lost the time, sanity and good sense.

    Some persons can smell the big pride in others and use in their favor for play with you is the same way like the people play with a cat using a toy, sometimes near, sometimes far, catch me if you can. when is a man then is a jerk, when is a woman is one Lillith.

    The best solution... talk with friends, talk them your story and ask them that they ridicule your story and your actions, then the feelings of shame, doing ridicule things, will be bigger than the feelings of rejection, wounded pride. Only a feeling can defeat other feeling, not reasons.

    This is my theory and my way of escape :P
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Hahahaha ... Adolfo, always good to get your opinion :)
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    im trying to keep calm with him and do not expect anything,.try to manage my own life
    _______________________

    that's what I am doing too 小麻豆
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:

    "i could feel that he liked me very much at the beginning"
    _______________________

    yeah men's feelings change fast, he might like you at the beginning because you are physically attractive, but it is our attitude / character that can keep a man's feeling last
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Another old Chinese saying that might help ... 想要得到一个男人,就先要抓住这个男人的胃...
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    (潇然) Adolfo Secades wrote:
    Posted 8 hours ago
    When someone (like me) is the only kid of mom and dad, grown up with the world moving around you, with your family taking care of you like a little emperor (or princess, someting very common in Spain, and i think also in China), then when you like someone and this person not that into you, mmm then the pride does all the work. wounded pride kidnaps the mind, then the mind begins to look for many excuses for continue in a shit relation, is able to explain and justify all the stupids things. Is very hard for pride accept rejection, is better believe that not. All the feelings of this rejection sometimes are confusing with love.
    A caprice neither more nor less. A good oportunity for lost the time, sanity and good sense.
    _____________________________________

    totally agree with the pride theory!!
  • Fazio
    Fazio wrote:
    Love is kinda Feeling.

    No feeling,No way that into you
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    I just had lunch with him, suddenly I felt all the sparkles disappeared. . .
  • Amber
    Amber wrote:
    good for u
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    I hope I can get rid of this quicker...
  • Amber
    Amber wrote:
    what quicker? me?
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Missy Pinko, the sparks are gone. No need to hang on to this anymore. The sparks weren't even there for the right reasons!
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    I blame myself, I was unable to control the conversation, we both are shy.
    why we are at ease, things might happen...
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    So, you mean there could have been a chance that things might have worked, but you blew it? I could have told you that ...
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    I don't know whether we have a chance to become boyfriend and girlfriend...it is just, I feel we are arkward together, which may kill any chance of becoming anything

    I want to be comfortable with him and him to be comfortable with me, I want to us to be good friends first...who at least will hang out sometimes...
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    ... but it would seem difficult, if not impossible, to me now ...

    Originally, you had doubt whether to continue this, which was why you asked for advice, and you did (for maybe one evening?) made up your mind after listening to everyone, but down deep inside, you did want this to continue as well, so you had "trouble" controlling how you should act, whether to be:

    1. "ice cold", so to end this now
    2. "nice" enough to be friends, but not give DE signal
    3. "nice" enough to carry this relationship further

    ... which was why I suggested not to "split up", against most people's opinion, because you did not know how he feels about you, and if he is just one of those four-eye-geeks, you will need to "lead" him a little, considering how four-eye-geeks are like these days ...

    Does that sound about right to you?

  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    yeah yeah
    sounds right
    he should be able to sense something, and he went to lunch with me, which, though, didn't go as well as planned
    but I can't say he is not responding during the course

    but after the lunch, he may be just contineously being a normal friend with me, as we didn't have sparkles during the lunch...
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    ... possibly too much uncertainties and hestitations from both sides, but not enough signals ... and considering you did agree with the others' opinions, it was not a surprise at all ...

    If you still want to savage this relationship, I think there is a chance, but you will need to describe him with a bit more details, as well as how you two had met, and WHY you were attracted to him etc ... if you think this is NOT appropriate to be disclosed in a public forum, you can write me a PM ...

    I will reply you after dinner ...
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    wow another love doctor!
    ok haha
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    I am not a love doctor ... hated med school and dont know anything about love ...
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    yeah you can be mine;)
    just sent you a pm.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Sorry Missy Pinko! Should have taken my advice! Prepare topics to talk about so you can guide your lunch date. Treat it like you're preparing for a job interview. That way you don't have to deal with too many uncomfortable silences or talk about really pointless things like work and weather. And a dirty joke always lightens the mood.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    hahaha, yep, she did not enjoy my "dirty joke" idea that much. But there are plenty of other canned conversation topics that she can prepare in advance to get the ball rolling.

    Off the top of my head, here's some that might be interesting to talk about:

    iPad - revolutionary or garbage?

    My friends just broke up and they are having a big problem with who should get the dog now? -> leads into a more dating/relationship tone of conversation and she can redirect this to ask about his past and present dating situation

    My friends ex-bf just got a sex change and I can't even tell he used to be a man!

    Did you hear about that guy that was fined 3000rmb for downloading porn?

    etc.
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    My friends just broke up and they are having a big problem with who should get the dog now? -> leads into a more dating/relationship tone of conversation and she can redirect this to ask about his past and present dating situation
    ________________________--

    you should have told me this type of topic earlier...
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    It is ok, not that terrible, I exergerated things.
  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    Missy Pinko, i am sure you have watched The national Geographical Chanel. When a dear is into a LION and feels should be eaten up, it grazes towards the LION. Missy Pinko, to solve all this, just graze towards the LION. They are generous animals and will eat you up the way you wish. Slowly but sweet and passionate.
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    what would happen when a kitten is into a panda?
  • Petter Meisfjordskar
    hahhaaaaa, the Panda would treat it well with its big paws and claws.
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    X D
    sounds so evil!
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    If someone is just not into you..you stay at your own hard feelings...wait to find the one who adores you and is 'into you"..and you them..seems simple enough
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    I am giving up. am too tired and frustrated, the communication always is fucked-up between us.

    we are just incompatible.

    I need to develop more networks to know new people...

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