Discussion » Nonsense » One Wrong Move

  • №❶ Passioη
    №❶ Passioη wrote:
    Ok, last time in a bus, I had this female stare at me... I was for a while wondering what she was thinking (something positive or negative), I got pretty confused but decided to give it a try anyway. So when next our eyes met, I smiled then she got instantly blushed while smiling back. Wow, I got myself an admirer in a second...

    So after a while in that damn crowded bus, I pulled out my phone and used signs to ask her if her bluetooth was on (I wanted to start some kind of free communication) but she miss-understood me in a very sweet way, and rather got a pen and paper, wrote her name in Chinese and her phone number - so sweetly passed it onto me while those other Chinese would not stop looking at us. I was excited because this only happens once a while... It's normal for people to stare but not to write their phone numbers and pass on in 1 min... Cut long story short...

    Anyway, This time, I was in the same situation, same scenario, another pretty Chinese girl sited opposite me in the train and wouldn't stop staring at me.. I decided to give it the same move as last time... I smiled but she snubbed me so badly like a cat. I got confused, I waited for another chance to change the way I smiled, it didn't work... here came her station, she just got off the train without looking back at me. What the hell? I know racists by first look and I'm sure she's not.. but what was the wrong move? I don't get it... I've not been so screwed for a long time..
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    the first had ¨white fever¨
    the second no
  • №❶ Passioη
    "white fever" indeed LOL - actually the opposite :D

    Please share your wrong move experiences - I could learn not to screw up next time ~~
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    I usually do not try to meet many people on trains, planes, or buses, but every once in a while I do like to have friendly conversations in more social environments.

    One time I tried to approach a girl in Mix and she just ignored the hell out of me and made funny gestures with her hands like she did not understand what I was saying. It is more funny than anything because I was speaking Chinese and she told me she did not speak English. I politely apologized for bothering her and then went back to the table with my Chinese friends. I do not know if she realized how rude she was or if she just felt bad, but about ten minutes later she brought her whole group of friends to our table and we had a fun night of friendly conversation, dancing, and drinks.

    It may have not been racism on the train, but more likely preexisting assumptions about foreigners and what they want from Chinese girls. I hope you understand that these assumptions are probably well founded based on experience and the experiences of others. I tend to think of this often when interacting here especially with females. In the U.S. interaction with females is much simpler because they are from the same culture and I tend to understand our system of dating more. However there are no rules in dating, but there are things you should and shouldn't do. If everyone is truthful about true intentions then things would go much smoother.

    For girls who do not regularly date foreigners our methods of dating may come as a shock. We are faster, easier to get close too (in certain ways), more nonchalant about things dealing with relationships, and the dangerous thing for them is that many foreigners develop a very high degree of confidence while in China, which highly increases our chances of scoring.

    You should read the book "The Game" Also look for some books by Elaine Hatfield on the mechanisms of attractiveness and love.

    I am not an expert, but I have taken many University courses on human interaction and think that China would be an excellent place to conduct research on the romantic interaction between people of different cultures due to the vast differences in socialization between the cultures and the relatively closed nature of past Chinese society.

    The girl on the train did not fully reject you. She probably did not know how to react to such a direct gesture by a total stranger. If she was not interested she would not have stared and she definitely would not have looked back at you upon her departure. The curiosity was present, but you also have to read the other signals she was sending you in order to know for sure what was really going on in her head. People are interesting because we are always saying things through body language even if we do not know it. If you read the above books and explore the science behind love then go people watching to practice then you will find out just how complex interaction between the sexes is.
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    I have never been able to differentiate the "curious about something new" look from the "i'm into you" look. Treat them all as if they're into you and give a nice smile back for best results. I don't think you did anything wrong.
  • Sally
    Sally wrote:
    dude, no offense, maybe u just think too much
  • №❶ Passioη
    Kodi, You do sound like a pro on this though hehehe... You're right on most of your points. Thanks, I wasn't worried cos I know a female will always be female :)

    莫明 has done it again - pause for thoughts, I also screwed up on this one :D till I realized you can interact with the looks to find out which one it is .... Give her an inviting smile and if she comes close starting with a question like: "which country are you from?", then it's a curious look.... but if she starts with Smiling, Blushing and not knowing what to ask you, then it's 80 - 99% I'm into you looks hehe

    Sally (and I just like calling you this - With several reasons), I don't think guys think more than girls do on stuff like this :P ... but you're right, my own passion does sally into my thoughts once a while... ;)

    BTW, I'd like to hear up some wrong moves made by females too ;)... we could fix the problems together

  • Sally
    Sally wrote:
    lol, no,1, u've got the point, girls do think more than boys. meanwhile, not only girls hard to read, so does boys, i think, lol

    glad to know u have thoughts with 'sally', i mean the name, lol
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Not a pro : ) Only a humble student of the human species.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Kodi, I find it quite interesting that you were able to write that much based on what little info he posted. For me it boiled down very simply to this:

    Girl #1 locked eyes with him, he gestured at her with his phone and she handed him a number. Not a single word spoken. Given that she was staring at him, some attraction must already exist, and him motioning towards her was all the signal she needed to act upon her own desires. Maybe she is just a free soul or just didn't know how to say no, or really likes the ideas of foreigners but doesn't usually hang out with a foreign crowd, so it was a lucky break for her.

    Girl #2 looked at him and when he motioned at her, she looked away rather than giving a phone number. This is pretty normal isn't it? I mean he didn't even try to say hello.

    Seriously... going for a number close before even saying a few words to a girl is rarely gonna work. Like you said, with Girl #1 you were excited because this kind of thing rarely happens.

    Whatever you did in both cases was wrong, but you got lucky the first time. Next time, try to talk to them a little bit first. If they are already staring at you, it's a little bit easier. Just say something funny to break the ice like "I'm sorry, I noticed you looking at me and I just wanted to tell you that you're actually supposed to be looking at that guy over there. He's your Mr. Right" and then point to the ugliest person you can find on the subway. Or at least say something. You get the idea.
  • Saint - Spartacus
    the first just kindly, kindly girls everywhere, i 've meet such kindly girl too, she just come to talk with me coz i looks like a new in that city ... it's amazing but it happens

    ah, i think that not happened only once to me, every time when i feel lost in a street some where, there are always pretty girls come to guide me, so if you what to creat a chance to meet new one , try to make youself lost ...
  • Yomik
    Yomik wrote:
    中国人中虽然有很多人想认识外国人,可是人各有别,每个人的性格不同,有大胆开放的,也有含蓄害羞的,还有防备警惕的等等;要是你想真诚的和他们认识,可以说出来,或者有些明确的表示出你的意思,不然无声的言语有时候会照成误解,让人产生防备感,会远远的逃开!!!
  • Yomik
    Yomik wrote:
    也不能说你的行为不对,再说了,我们国人也不知道你们传递感情的方式,毕竟在国内还是有很多人对你们的文化方式不了解的
  • №❶ Passioη
    sea ling, it's a good thing that the pretiest, sexiest chinese girls out there are ones who understand that most foreigners live more by personal principles than a common culture. The details may be confuse someone like you ;)

    Not everyone chooses to follow what a centralized brain thinks. Individualism is the keyword. Oops, sorry to those who start by asking which country everyone is from. They find it hard to understand a human can live without following the rules of a certain ancient culture. Welcome to 2010. More surprises you in a modern world :P
  • Yomik
    Yomik wrote:
    №❶ Passioη ,我并没有说一定要遵循传统思想,用古老的问候方式去和别人打招呼,现在社会的进步变化和方式改变并不代表所有的方式又必须是开放式的,在中国很多人表面上可能很开放,可是在他们的骨子里一些或多或少还是有着自己民族的古老传统,这些并不代表我们还活在古老的时代,新时代的改变我们也会接受,接受精华,去除糟粕!!!
  • Erik Røger
    Erik Røger wrote:
    haha Kodi. Mystery Method right??
  • Erik Røger
    Erik Røger wrote:
    Passion read up on peacocking and negs, theres alot to learn out there
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    Jon Gu Said: "I'm sorry, I noticed you looking at me and I just wanted to tell you that you're actually supposed to be looking at that guy over there. He's your Mr. Right"

    You are awesome and I'm going to try to use that some time. Although I've already promised myself to Emily and Yuki, and Pete if I turn gay, I'm going to add you to the list of people I'm going to marry by force if I'm ever single again.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    It's cool. I'm polygamous... but only if I get to share Yuki too, preferably by force as well!
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    I'm sorry Jon, but I believe you're unable to grow a stylish beard, correct? I guess you can shave your head and be halfway to Yuki's kind of man, but otherwise I'm not sure you meet the standards for a forced marriage to Yuki.
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    Or more accurately, you have more alternate options than I do, so don't be greedy :-p
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    Haha what is Yuki's preference anyway? I missed this.
  • Truls Skaalbones
    哥蛋疼了
  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    Kodi, see the beards thread...

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