Discussion » Dating & Romance » when dating...

  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    just read a thread in other forum, a guy complained" dated with a girl for 10 times,but she never paid the bill (for dinner),was it normal"
    it seemed he wanted to start a serious relathionship with the girl,but the girl never offered to pay for the meal,so he thought the girl was not nice
    there are a lot comments,some people think man should pay when dating,some disagree

    i have no idea.when i eat with my male friends(very close friends), i think i should give them a choice to pay unless i said it is on me before the meal.but when it is a romantic date,,well,i never paid before.i didn't mind to pay,but i thought it would hurt his feeling,because i just offered to pay if i didn't feel attracted to the guy.

    how u think?
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    where is the thread link ?
  • Richie
    Richie wrote:
    i may pay for all the dates but would appreciate a gesture from the girl, and I'd LOVE it if she invited me for a home cooked dinner (read cooked, not reheated)

    :)
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    the link,but inchinese,http://www.newsmth.net/frames.html
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    is that a chinese guy ? you know different country perhaps 80percent different resolve...
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    yes,chinese guy.
    but i want to know how laowai resolve it
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    It really depends on the two people in this relationship ... and how they want this relationship to "grow" ...
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    有时候我想一男一女出去,如果女的埋单的话,男生会不会觉得难堪?
    i think a gentleman should pay when he is hanging out with girls
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Do you want reply in Chinese or English? Heehee ...

    个人见解...只要不是"爱情"关系(呵呵,说的很奇怪,但大家明白吧?)...大家AA是很合理的,但在主观因素容许的时候(可以付得起),我是不会介意请客的...

    如果是有可能"发展",我就会每次都付钱...要是这个女孩很明显是找我来消遣,我请一次,两次,就不会继续...呵呵...
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    如果只是“暧昧”关系呢
    我觉得如果是男女朋友的话,谁付钱都无所谓,我不会计较也不会觉得不安
    如果是暧昧关系的话,老是他付钱就会有点不安,而且他还往你包里偷偷塞给打车回家的钱的时候,就有点不高兴了
  • Mathew Abisai
    Mathew Abisai wrote:
    Its simple...we still have to follow the traditions of dating....a Guy will have to pay the bill (by default), unless the girl had to initially offered to treat the guy..I am sure if a girl makes a mistake to offer to pay for the bill on the first date. this guy will always have an impression that the girl is loaded or something (so its dangerous).....it doesnt really matter how far the relationship will go...but i still think its more right when the guy pays for the bill.....one thing i really hate (or rather feel unnecessary), is the Chinese People Manners of paying the bill, they all take out their money and start having a silly argument that each one of them need to pay...sometimes it gets really BAd and draws the whole attention from the people in that place to them
  • Håvard Hilsen Lundin
    totally agree w/ mathew about the "bill argument" , which is silly and unnecessary`~~~~ anyway, thats how ppl works here
  • ♥Playboy ♥
    If a boy works its Ok , if he pays .......
    But if he is a student , then the girl should understand.
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    @LZ
    if you really want to know, pay the bill 10 times in a row, then you might gain a broader perspective on how to see this.
  • NN
    NN wrote:
    most of times when I go out with male friends,bill is always on them.I wanted to pay even just once though.They will NEVER allow me to pay.I think they just wanted to behave as a gentle/real/man,whatever.

    No pay does not mean not nice,you can even tell her HEY GIRL IT IS YOUR TURN TO PAY NOW.But this will just destroy the growing up relationship VERY SOON.Girls will not think oh shit so a stingy man but they will definitely think you are out of husband/boyfriend list!!!!Because you even do not know how to be gentle?!
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Being a gentleman does not mean paying every time for the woman, especially if she has a job too. It means showing a woman respect. And if a woman does not offer to pay even once after 10 or so dates, even though she can afford to, she is probably not someone who deserves respect.

    This is my perspective at least... if women want to be treated equally as men and have equal job opportunities instead of being housewives, then they need to foot the bill sometimes too.
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    no Jon, you didnt get it, being a gentleman means YOU GOT TO PAY EVERYTHING AND EVERYTIME, oops, was i wrong about it, girls? all other values of a man does not count.
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    i think a real gentleman won't mind to pay anything anytime if he loved the girl,haha

  • ♥Playboy ♥
    A Girl who will think that always a boy should pay , never loves the Boy . She want only Money !!!!!!
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    do you have a lot money?why u think the girl wants ur money。。
  • ♥Playboy ♥
    I mean Money to treat her always, thats why a girl always want a rich bf .
    And Miss 小麻豆 I didnt said about myself , i am telling the fact !!!!
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    One does not need to have a lot of money for someone else to want it. Perhaps she wants enough money to pay for meals and that is all.

    I have had a girl who wanted to pay every once in a while just so she did not feel like she was using me and she wanted to establish her independence in the relationship. I like it though because I do not feel like I am obligated and I know that what I do is appreciated. I am a gentleman and I would probably not notice if I payed the bill for ten times in a row, but if it is a bother just ask her. You could start taking her to McDonald's in order to get the point across. Or just stop calling and see if she calls you and invites you out then forget your wallet. : )
  • Christian Hansen
    If a boy is focused on counting the number of times in a row he has paid the bills, means the girl has no initiative and creativity and hence is boring.
    In my perspective, after the third date the girl should take the initiative to organize one date completely by herself taking care of the details and cost; it does not have to be something expensive, as Richie said, a home cooked dinner sometimes is better than any other option.
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    lets assume one takes his girl twice a month out for some nice eat or fun and pay the bill incl. taxi etc. or lets say 200 RMB are easily spend within two weeks for a outgoing couple:

    200 RMB x 2 x 12mth = 4800 RMB a year
    (plus extra expences on your bday, on valentine, on Xmass, NY, CNY...
    in worst cases extra extra expences for your dog, your phone bills, your bank debt ...)

    now naive little girl, do you want that money? if not, share the bill at least a couple of times. there is an ACT OF WILL called insist, sis! Have some dignity and be an independ, self care taking adult.

    regarless if a gent shall mind or not, the question is, do you mind to have other ppl paying for you all the time?
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    Just think about it:
    After the meal, solution 1 = you don't do anything and wait for the guy to pay, I think this is very rude and impolite, you're thinking of me as your bank account when you do this. Plus you are forcing me to do things the way you want and not offering anything in return.
    After the meal solution 2 = you offer to pay your part or half or whatever of the meal. I'll go "no it's ok, I'll invite you". Here you gave me a choice and I chose myself to pay for you (or not to) in this case I think I'm much more of a "gentleman" than if I did it without having the choice.

    In 1: you don't give me a choice, I'm not happy about it, but I still pay which makes me even less happy (your date is not going on well since you made me unhappy twice at the same time). And I say nothing about it, if I do this I don't respect myself and I'm not even a man, how come could I be a Gentel Man????
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    who cares the bills if you are real friends? why there are so many illiberal guys ?
    why they gain extra advantage unfairly but still show off themselves cleverness?
    what is the love where is love ?yes i agree exchange economy, but what is the futures economy ? what do you think it ? Is it money market economy ? have you saw that your future happiness ?Have you saw ur friends brought happy to you or fame to you ? i bet the guy is boring....on the other hand you'd better dont invited your friends for dinner or for fun.
    if your true economy not so good ... or else dont refer to that. It is really show your poor off.
    but perhaps 70 percent the girl dont like you IMHO.. becoz she not wanted go dutch or stand treat after you met over10times . OMG.
    Tentative plan : you would get your objects if you have paid the bills 10times, I'd rather pay 100times ............lol
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    I almost did not understand any sentence in your post, clear your thoughts a little and tell us what you are thinking.

    By the way the title of this topic is "When dating" so we're not talking about treating friends to dinner, but going there with someone you want to be in a relationship with / a bed together.
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    @saibo: I'm the one came here for put sand in the wheels......
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    @Blair
    not sure if we are talking in the same context but if you do pay most of the time, it is most likely that you will care about bills. Nevertheless i think we all agree to one point that everyone shall come for the costs that hast been caused by oneself. Exsample, if you go dine out alone, you will have to pay 100% of the bill. But by going with some one together, you still will cause at least a part of the costs, unless you dont eat or drink at all.

    It may make a difference in a social relationship (friendship, love, family etc.), there are other values that overgo the matter of costs. But that doesnt change the fact that you still have cause some cost to be covered by someone.

    please let's leave the term "love" out for a second and replace it with "Desire" to focus on the functionality within a desired relationship.

    but anyway, if 70 persent of girls are the way you described them, what shall the 70 persent of men do to meet their desire? obviously there is an economical desired behind it. I dont know where love is in here but in case such a girl fell in love with a poorer guy what does she expect of who to spend the money?

    @all girls speaking of gentlemen
    Stop talking about gentlemen unless you behave like a lady and a lady wont allow men to spend money on them unless it's her hubby. Please dont try to transport the values of a gentleman onto a playboy.
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    @Saibo
    me neither, almost, but i know what she means, and unfortunaly she is not the only one thinking this way, thats why i know what she is talking about. sounds all too familiar.
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    @Slave of the web
    Are you working at finance?
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    @Bai
    no
  • Daniel
    Daniel wrote:
    Normally I pay the bill unless I have a very close relationship with a woman who is earning the same amount of money as I am, in which case I will let her pay half is she insists or if we take it in turns. Dating though, I pay, but it's not a huge thing for me...it just feels strange otherwise. I feel awkward enough shopping with girls and having the shop assistants look at me like 'Why aren't you buying these things for this girl?' when I don't pay for clothes!
  • Daniel
    Daniel wrote:
    Oh, but if a girl insists on me paying makes it very obvious up front that she expects this, I take this as a sign not to see her again, like what Webslave wrote:

    '@all girls speaking of gentlemen
    Stop talking about gentlemen unless you behave like a lady and a lady wont allow men to spend money on them unless it's her hubby. Please dont try to transport the values of a gentleman onto a playboy. '
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Blair, I studied finance before and I still don't have a clue what you are talking about...
  • Daniel
    Daniel wrote:
    Actually, having read a bit more of the girls' replies on this thread, I have a question: do you girls that think a gentleman should pay all the time also expect to fill traditional female roles like, I don't know, cleaning a man's apartment, fixing his clothes and making him food? It just seems the attitude of wanting a gentleman to pay everything is pretty one sided if there isn't a defined behaviour role for women too.
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    @Daniel
    yes, that is what i ment. Me for myself, i always offer to pay unless the girl insist to pay, then i will respect her request. What anoys here is that a lot girls seem to make it a rule to have men paying no matter what, they even judge a man's value on this and that is sad. no matter male or female, if one has requirements for others one should apply oneself first.
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    @Jon you should have studied better haha!!!

    Who can translate for us? ;-)
  • Richie
    Richie wrote:
    It is amusing to see many girls expecting the guys to be a 'gentleman' in ways which is beneficial for them, but the same 'gentleman' can be boring or outdated in cases where it doesn't benefit them! And... these girls themselves are so far from being a lady.

    On a date, i'd generally pay the bill willingly but it hits my temper when a girl says 'you have to pay cuz you're a guy'... building up a relationship is all about sharing. I don't think two people should take dating as a deal - you pay, i return the favor in some way... but it should be for fun, for sharing the moment together.

    I do feel warm when my girl treats me a 1.5 kuai popsicle after a 300 kuai dinner which I paid for as we walk back home.
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    seems like all the gentlemen here huh ? ...haha
    pls dont show yourself off. That's ridiculous.
    what?? .........I talking abt too much stuffs.
    okay, I should classify those what i said..
    sorry for I was asking too many question and no one can answer me!
    I have tried change the topic to a new one that economics around. but sounds not everyone like it. well... It's my fault.
    but i still wondering how much the cost if you fell in love? hee...wanna investigating the amative economics..


  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    So you want to know what amount you can put on the price tag for your "love".
    And we are the ones who are not gentlemen????
    There's a name for putting a price on love, and it's not one you're likely to appreciate.
  • Ms Bla
    Ms Bla wrote:
    @saibo :of course not my love! ! ! just others ppl lol ... i know that is so bad...
    I thought you can imagine it be a cost or investment analysis?~!
    where is the name for putting a price on love ?? Im not say no one I'm likely to appreciate ...
    Quote“ And we are the ones who are not gentlemen???? ” this question i couldn't response. Have anyone can answer ????
  • Malin Aaker
    Malin Aaker wrote:
    The name for putting a price on love and the associated market, is called prostitution as far as I know.
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    @Webslave
    its sad but it is true
    at the beginning, girls always judge man 's value by his wallet, as man judges girl's value by her appearance,i mean in general

    i don't think its a rule for man to pay the bill all the time,but i would be very happy if he paid at first.if the relationship goes well,and i find he is the person in my mind,i won't mind him pay all the time.otherwise i will wonder when its my turn to pay,coz i don't want to owe him.
    just one sure thing,i won't allow a man(even my dad) to pay for my personal stuff.
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    anyway, as long as you have fun, jedem das seine.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    For me, it depends on a lot of things, such as who asked who out and how much money the other party has. If I made the invitation, I'll usually offer to pay. However, if she offers to split the bill or pick it up herself, I will only insist once. Sometimes taking turns is the best way to go.

    Of course, if I invite a girl who doesn't have much money to a higher end restaurant, I'll always pay without hesitation. However if a girl who is considerably better off than me financially asks me to a particularly expensive restaurant, I would expect her to pay, or at least split the bill.
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Peter, I agree with you completely.

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