Discussion » Beijing Life » what's love and where is love ?

  • Belle Sun
    Belle Sun wrote:
    Before the reform and opening, marriage with foreigners was extremely rare in China. In fact, it was not far from thinking that a union of this kind revealed a "political issue" in the person's spouse Chinese. Since the reform, intermarriage is increasing: from 1996 to 2002, more than 21,000 couples have registered the marriage registers of the city of Shanghai, which gives us an average of 3,000 couples a year.
    Mixed marriages in recent years show a remarkable feature: the more often they are young Chinese women who marry foreigners mature, even nationals of Hong Kong and Macau. To take the example of Shanghai, the age difference between spouses has been for a very long 10 years and a half. 13% of couples were formed of spouses belonging to different generations, a difference of 20 years. In 1996 it was even attended the wedding of an American 81 years with Shanghai 27 years.
    The age difference is actually not the major problem of mixed marriages. In these couples, the man enjoys two advantages: the national and foreign capital. The old saying that people marry for "what to wear and eat" seems to receive as a striking confirmation. Poverty leads so many Chinese and especially many Chinese to forgo unions more natural.
    However, where intermarriage is changing.
    The real question is whether the feelings are sincere. In these couples?
  • Marlene Sannes
    paby(yes sir.) thank you. frankly it's beautifully said
  • Jonas Ervik
    Jonas Ervik wrote:
    hahaha shit up yes sir ( paby ) hahah
    I'm agree.
    But after so 1 +1 = 11! tired ... it's beautiful
  • Jonas Ervik
    Jonas Ervik wrote:
    haha.. shitttt upp yaw paby ..yr mum !!okay i am done then .
    nice text Belle sun ..
  • Black Boy In The Building Tonight
    the love we shared but not the money. Money is a sore
  • Roki
    Roki wrote:
    Strongly agree
  • wrote:
    To take the example of Shanghai, the age difference between spouses has been for a very long 10 years and a half.
    ===================================
    You use a wrong sample, Shanghai woman (most of them) are bitches, sorry for this word.
    These women are willing to marry a dog in other countries if the dog has a foreign citizenship. Didn't you hear the stories that those stupid Shanghai women married Japanese peasants? What s ridiculous actions for marriage.

    Just as I said, the so-called value or meaning of life for most women in Beijing is to marry a man with a big house, an expensive car, a lot of money, but what's more, the man's parents should be dead! Do you think such kind woman deserve love?

    If a woman and a man really love each other and married, that is a perfect choice for their lives, without taking into account their races, nationalities and genders (YES, homosexual marriage is also admiring, if they love each other)

    If you disagree with, please look around and look at those women, haha
  • Marlene Sannes
    Please Sun ,, you mistake i said for example in shanghai it is not mean shanghai girls only ... it's for anywhere i think so
  • Marlene Sannes
    Paby Paby , Bella give you ship ut already but me am going to keep your voice down !! huh
  • wrote:
    It's anywhere? You can choose to marry anyone, that's your own choice.
    You'd better take a look at the situation in Hong Kong, it is a typical city with Chinese and westerner and a true international city, but the marriage rate between Chinese and westerner are not changing for many years, what's that mean? It means intercultural marriage is not as good as you thought or not the best choice.
    But I can understand your mind; I strongly suggest you marry a foreigner, haha

    There is a Chinese old saying: A prophet is not without an honor , save in his own country. It is true in China.
  • Miller
    Miller wrote:
    sun wrote :
    You'd better take a look at the situation in Hong Kong, it is a typical city with Chinese and westerner and a true international city,>>
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    the problem is not between foreigner and asia people .. the problem is the age . how the person who got 87years marry girl who got 27year ,, where is the friendship or they gonna get family ?
  • Miller
    Miller wrote:
    okay , Belle sun , me i going to strick Paby's mouth and sew it if he say something again !! you done already ..haha
    I think :
    In the couple, money is sometimes problematic. Some do not accept that their partner earns more than them. Others will blame their spouse for being too extravagant. The councils Doctissimo to break this taboo and manage your income without stress!

    Today most often, both spouses work and housewives are rare. But if everyone makes money, wage differentials and management of household finances are sometimes caused minor problems ... or serious crisis!
  • wrote:
    Rosa
    the problem is not between foreigner and asia people .. the problem is the age . how the person who got 87years marry girl who got 27year ,, where is the friendship or they gonna get family ?
    =============================================
    It’s simple, because those woman thought older man should have a better economical situation.

    By the way, the main point in the post is "a remarkable feature: the more often they are young Chinese women who marry foreigners mature, even nationals of Hong Kong and Macau."
  • Miller
    Miller wrote:
    yes , i can agree now .. just now i said Today most often, both spouses work and housewives are rare. But if everyone makes money, wage differentials and management of household finances are sometimes caused minor problems
    so 差不多吧!
    Yes sir said one example in the beginning i am completely agree with him too !! and your right too !!
    and how about after the friendship ?
  • wrote:
    Rosa
    .But if everyone makes money, wage differentials and management of household finances are sometimes caused minor problems
    ==============================
    hehe, the economic situations for most Chinese Families are absolutely not 'minor problems', in fact, that 's why I said ' the so-called value or meaning of life for most women in Beijing is to marry a man with a big house, an expensive car, a lot of money, but what's more, the man's parents should be dead! Do you think such kind woman deserve love?' Therefore, in some sense, it is a complicated matter to marry, it is not you just marry a woman, but you will marry a family, it is terrible some times. Bing a single is a not so bad choice.
  • Marlene Sannes
    huuuu .. i think so ..
  • Jonas Ervik
    Jonas Ervik wrote:
    你恩什么Paby?
  • Amalie Nilsen
    Amalie Nilsen wrote:
    Possessiveness is not love
    Jealousy is not love
    Lust is not love
    Fear is not love
    Keeping people all to yourself is not love
    Expecting something from someone is not love



    Real love is unconditional. All other “forms” of love are not really love. Most parents and kids don’t love each other, most people in relationships don’t love each other, most people on the planet never experience unconditional love in their entire lives… or at least it sure looks that way.



    To love someone unconditionally means that you love the person exactly as they are, exactly as they were before, and exactly as they will be in the future – because people change all the time, so if you love the person, you will love them even if they become something you disagree with. How many parents can say that about their kids? How many people can say that about their “lover”? Love is not about you or your pleasure or your amusement. It’s not about what you get out of it or what the other person can give to you. It’s not about having a trophy you can show off with and tell people “This is *MY* girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/son/daughter/whatever”.



    You do not “own” anyone. It’s not about you feeling ‘proud’ to be with someone who always agrees with everything you say and do and never does anything you disagree with. Unconditional love means that the person can just live their life exactly as they choose and you will always be there for them no matter what.



    So, how does unconditional love fit in with relationships and marriage and sex and all that stuff the whole world keeps going crazy over? It doesn’t, really. It doesn’t “fit” in anywhere. Relationships are like trying to put love into a box and keep it there, except love is infinitely sized, and the box is… well, there is no box large enough.



    And a normal, conventional marriage is quite possibly the worst possible way to show someone how much you love them.



    Unconditional love is more of a spiritual thing. It’s not bound by physical things, like blood relations and the desire to procreate. It has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. Most people are in relationships because they’re horny and/or lonely, even if they genuinely think they love the other person. But if the person they “love” suddenly lost their “equipment” for whatever reason, would they still want to be with that person? Would they get jealous if the person they “love” wanted to spend time with other people as well? Relationships based on needs are not unconditional.
    In order to truly understand love, you must first forget everything you have ever learned about it from society and anyone else (including what I just said). You are the only person who can tell you what love is. The only reason I’m writing all this stuff is because people always try to fit “love” in with things like dating, relationships and marriage and all that. You can’t make any sense of it if you keep doing that. You have to get rid of everything you think you know first.
  • ♥Playboy ♥
    Love is in the air !!!!!!
  • Jochen
    Jochen wrote:
    爱是一种感觉。很特别。人们只可以去感觉,没有词语去形容。
  • Siren Dahlkvist
    Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection[1] and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my husband"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
    As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love[2] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.[3] Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

    from Wikipedia

    http://www.thelovemovie.com/

    just watch it, u feel good :)
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    love is blind
    love is illusion
    love is a feeling that out of control
    love is in one's heart
  • Miller
    Miller wrote:
    Yes Sir , just for exemple , How many percent of girls marry with money ?
  • Miriam Pedersen
    What's the mind set of chinese men by the way? Do they also prefer women with money? Actually, I think Society still accepts men having extramarital engagement more than women doing so. Particularly in China. So wouldn't that be an unbeatable package for retirement?

    So, any affluent women here? Need one as backup for my retirement. :)
  • wrote:
    Ashley,

    "Do some young Chinese girls really love their grey, old grandfather-aged laowai husbands or are they with them for the money?"
    =====================================
    haha, good.
    it those grey, old grandfather-aged laowai husbands go broke yesterday, they will be dumped tomorrow. Perhaps, we are a little cynical.

    Rosa,

    How many percent of girls marry with money?
    ===============
    I can only say the situation in Beijing, if you are a broke man.
    90% of chance that you can not marry those girls.

    HumphreY,
    What's the mind set of Chinese men by the way? Do they also prefer women with money? Actually, I think Society still accepts men having extramarital engagement more than women doing so. Particularly in China. So wouldn't that be an unbeatable package for retirement? So, any affluent women here? Need one as backup for my retirement. :)
    =============================
    Most man in China will prefer girls with better family situation, but will not prefer woman with lots of money in order to keep balance in a family, of course, there are news that man married those rich older woman, but it is rare. For most families in China, extramarital engagement is not tolerated and cause serious aftermath, but for those with money and power, they can easily have extramarital engagement with opposite sex, therefore, you will read some news about a word '二奶' (secret lover, in fact, not so secret). The status of married woman in Chinese family is far more crucial than you thought.
  • wrote:
    But if do not get mrry with guy who cannot to assurre himself first and who cannot to take a family ,
    =========
    So the best way is to be single and enjoy yourself, haha
  • Cice Liao
    Cice Liao wrote:
    just trust fate
  • Stanley Zarretta
    Cice, what is happened is fate only intend to visit at an old age?
  • Gary Bao
    Gary Bao wrote:
    fate :-)
  • Tesst Tesst
    Tesst Tesst wrote:
    what is love... baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me no more,

    dun dun, da da dun, duh duh!

    (night at the roxbury) (cmon dont tell me u havent seen it!)

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