Discussion » Dating & Romance » Survey: For (Chinese) Females

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:
    I'm interested to see how female members of the WLIB community feel about being addressed as "sweety," "honey," "sugar" or any variation of the above.

    In the States, women now view those gender-loaded terms of address as a sign of male chauvinism and objectification.

    Thoughts?
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Pete, one caviat to to what you are saying may be age too..over 30 in the US, these "terms of endearment" are mutually spoken to each other. Yes I would want to know the thoughts of girls/women 20-30.
  • 哎呀
    哎呀 wrote:

    I really like to hear those words from the one I loves.

    I like people to use sweet words to express their affections.

    But I don't like some totally strangers to call me in that way.

    And I don't like female friends to call me "亲爱的" or  "宝贝", even though they are really close female friends :P

     

     

  • S.Xuer
    S.Xuer wrote:
    Yeah, too candy, too creamy, too annoying. It's not about man's chauvinism, what it matters to me is that it shows the man's low taste towards knowing a new women, it's too outdated sweet words, now, i'm totally pissed off by those words
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    so what does a guy call a girl that he cares for in an affectionate manner and vice-versa. My gf said its ok to call me as an American darling, sweety, baby etc..but no respectable Chinese calls another Chinese, even their spouse by affectionate names
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)
    ...

    Congradulation to Pete for beating me at writing this thread first, hahaha ... but there was one reason I had hesitated, mainly that the "sample" would not be a very good representation of this community ... stupid question time: could anyone tell me how many of the female members in WLIB are very active in the forum section? My guess is less than 5% ...

    Pete ... here's any idea (which means more work, hahaha) ... set up a once-off auto-popup when female members log in, and just a vote of "yes" or "no" (and maybe a third choice called "remind me later") to this question? Because I am very curious too, and I think you know why ... hahaha ...

    I am sure you guys can find tons of sample code from all sorts of web sites ... not just Facebook ...

    Cheers
  • JILL
    JILL wrote:
    I agree Maria Ma
    i like my future bf to call me "sweety," or "honey,"
    but i allow my best famle friends to call me that.
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    I go along with Jill. Sheryl..you are an astute and sharrp girl, just not overty affectionate in your speaking..or so it seems. Thats ok too. Everyone treats words of endearment differently in different cultures.
  • Jenny L.
    Jenny L. wrote:
    Sometimes it's quite nice hearing ur bf calling you that but still I'm not a fan of those candy words. It's just annoying ~_~; Call me by my name, that's fine.

    If it comes to strangers I just feel like puking! *big grien*

  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Sheryl..of course I am complimenting you...you're a smart girl...even I am learning from you (and others) in this forum. Damn, I may never get to call you sweety! Oh well! I never thought it as 'sugar coating' but just a friendly greeting between friends and loves. So funny..I would never want to be called sweety by my same sex LOL! To that extent , we are in agreement swe...oops Sheryl you're cool!
  • NN
    NN wrote:
    I cant accept that before,but now it did not sounds problem for me,as I know it just means we are closer,or I want to be closer with you,and this is the NICE CLOSER
    1st time my previous boss(a single 30yrs old guy) called me Darling,I felt embarrassed,but later even his mother called me darling,then I just know in their culture,darling means closer.
    Even now my female friends called me 親愛的 So no problem la,just a nice way to address you
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Agreed it is a cultural thing. hahaha I know not to call a few girls here sweety (though I might say itotherwise, as a friend to friend greeting...darling/honey/baby/sweetheart I would use for my lover/wife..but some people might use it like sweety. I agree here with Nina..its just a little closer than a formal name.when in Rome do like the Romans...same could be said in BJ. DC, or London..hahaha unless you just want to be yourself.
  • Winnie
    Winnie wrote:
    when my friend went to school in USA two years ago, she told me the big black guy working at the airport called her"sweetheart". She loved it. it showed friendliness. of cos, no one had yet called her sweetheart.
    i love all those sweetheart, sweetie, honey thing from boyfriend. but if someone use those terms as part of pick up lines, that's sick.
    i call my girl friends bao bei or qin ai de all the time.
    whats wrong with those words?
  • Mandy Wang
    Mandy Wang wrote:
    i agree winnie. i like that my friends call me "sweetie" or "honey" or "baby".i dont think wrong with those words.
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    From reading this thread so far I am beginning to feel like feminists in China have a seemingly pure idea of what it is to be feminist. I do not dare call a woman by any name other than hers, for I was raised in Southern Louisiana. My momma taught me better than that :P Way to go ladies. In the United States you cannot even use the word woman without making sure you are not offending someone first. It is just getting out of hand. I think if guys know their boundaries early on and respect those boundaries then it will not get as bad in China as it is in the USA. Although I fear that many men do not respect the boundaries. It is really too bad because they give all men a bad reputation.
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    Kodi, you are beyond your years in wisdom. i concur. Winnie and Mandy, thank you for feeling the way you do, though I respect Sheryl and others for not wanting to be called anything but their name. I routinely have called my female friends sweety, and in all my years 9a few), I have never ever had one girl/woman ever tell me to just call her by her name( which i would do if she asked. I asked my 28 yo married to a German, Shanghai friend today the question "do you mind me calling you sweety' she said she loved it (her husband might not) but dont stop calling her sweety. i asked my 25 yo married friend in Phoenix AZ USa the same question and she agreed, it was a nice thing to call her. Tonight I asked my 22 yo friend in Chengdu, and she said she thought it was special that i called her sweety.

    Bottom line, it depends on the person saying it and the girl/woman. I have never ever intended to upset anyone over terms of endearmewnt. Mandy and Winnie, the world needs people like you two, whom see things in a loving way. Sheryl, you are my friend here as well, it is a pleasure to know you too.
  • Jully
    Jully wrote:
    Ha~~~ obviously girl wanna be the only babe,sweet or honey of a guy but not one of "babies" that guys are afraid to call it wrong~~
  • Mandy Wang
    Mandy Wang wrote:
    jully

    haha... i think guy is really smart ,they call all of girl or lover "babe", never make wrong ,if they call these girls name ,maybe make mistake ,especial when they get drunk.
  • Steven Ritter
    Steven Ritter wrote:
    damn Mandy..hahahahahaa you figured it out! LOL! Inot me, but youhave a good point sweety.

    Jully...you are right too
  • Kodi
    Kodi wrote:
    HAHA Mandy and Jully!!! That is pretty funny. I can see the logic there :p Yeah it is true that girls probably want to be the only sweety, honey, babe, etc... However, I call my little sister sweety, sweetheart, and pumpkin, so you will need to choose between the other terms of endearment :p From my experience terms of endearment are to show that there is a different degree of closeness between two people. Guys can have common girlfriends right? I have a best G/F and she calls me babe, sweety, honey, sugar, and all sorts of sweet stuff even though she is married. It makes me feel closer to her and sounds nice too. I think maybe only guys you gals think are sleezy can't call you those things because believe me if a stud with the mojo catches your eye and makes a great impression on you then he can probably call you any of the above without any problems. It is the same with a guy coming up to in a bar. You think all guys in bars are sleezy until you see one that really interests you right? I see it all the time. I study sexual psychology and body language. It is very interesting to be able to read peoples body language and see them judging everyone else around them. Please step away from the ego and realize that no one is above terms of endearment. Although I do agree that they are best reserved for someone close to you. Guys even call their guy friends by terms of endearment. Bro, dude, man, etc... I actually like when women call me names like sweety, cutie, babe, etc.. Even if I am not attracted to them lol. Its just good to be called something positive! When did being sweet, being cute, and being spunky take on a negative meaning? Is it when women went to war with men? I am a feminist too, but I have to say that there are far bigger injustices that need to be taken care of in the battle for equality than terms of endearment :p Read Banana's Beaches and Bases by Cynthia Enloe. How about "Love in a lost City" "The golden cangue" "Candy" by Mianmian or "Conquest" by Andrea Smith. If you need some other feminist book referrals feel free to send me a message. I do respect the choice, but if you are against it ask yourself why you are against it. I fear that it is just not accurate that you never like being called something other than your name. You are human/ animal/ mammal (whatever you want to call it) so the laws of attraction also apply to you :p Gotta love it
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    我觉得这种事情很微妙,全要看是什么具体情况,对方是什么样的人。对一些人,谁这么叫她都OK;对很多人,让她觉得亲切,或者起码不让她觉得厌烦的人,这么叫她应该还算OK吧,对另一些人,可能除了男朋友,谁这么叫她都会惹她讨厌…男人怎么做?或者老老实实地礼尚往来,或者学得聪明点儿,首先看看对方是什么样的人,看看当时是什么情景,看看自己是否惹人烦,再去决定说些什么。可悲的是,很多男人总是自我感觉良好,自己其实已经很招人烦了,却还是总幻想着自己跟个情圣似的,charming得不得了…这种事儿没少听女性好友抱怨,想想也确实是:我要是女人,肯定也最烦这号儿了~就两个字:孙子! btw, Kodi, i like your comments, amazing

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