Discussion » Dating & Romance » Why can beautiful women not accept a man as a serv

  • Humble Servant
    Humble Servant wrote:
    Sometimes a man is so in love with a woman that he wants to be her servant, even if he knows he can never have her, but strangely it is so hard to find a woman who will accept such love. Some men would accept that they could never have sex with the woman they love, and would not like to have sex with any other woman. They would accept that the woman can date other men, and they would only look for the opportunity to cook or clean for the woman, as their highest goal.
    Why are there so few women who can accept such selfless devotion, even when they know that the slave is sincere, and that he has no expectations to be her lover. It seems to me that it would be convenient for someone to have a slave to do whatever they needed done.
  • .
    . wrote:
    It's not convenient at all! This kind of men can really freak me out. A healthy relationship should be balanced. If one person gives too much, the other one may suffer from a lot of pressure.
  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:
    Any guy willing to devote himself to a woman who won't reciprocate (return his love) has some serious self-esteem issues and should consult a mental health expert.
  • Aurélien
    Aurélien wrote:
    They would accept that the woman can date other men, and they would only look for the opportunity to cook or clean for the woman, as their highest goal.

    >Fucking lol'd.
  • 哎呀
    哎呀 wrote:

    Agree with Pete, this guy should consult a metal health expert...

    Or Suggest this guy to go to Switzerland. It's  much more expensive to find a "servant" to cook and clean for her there

    China is such a cheap labor country. Using a small amount of money could find a person to do the same thing, really no need to find a "psyco"...


  • Minger
    Minger wrote:
    ...because that's a really, really creepy idea.
    Would you want a creepy ugly girl who you know is obsessed with you in your house, cooking your food and cleaning up your garbage? No you wouldn't, nor would a woman want a guy doing that.
  • NN
    NN wrote:
    Wast just passing by,humble servent ... ...
  • Hoff
    Hoff wrote:
    Paulina nailed it. End thread.
  • Annie Ann
    Annie Ann wrote:
    this is kinda sweet though, doing something you want for someone you like, but the point here is the woman you're serving for is freaking out and won't appreciate it. It's time for you to wake up, and stop doing this for god sake.
  • Mathew Abisai
    Mathew Abisai wrote:
    ths is madness....face reality bra
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    W..... T.... F.... ?????

    Face -> Palm...


    Bro, why not post up your phone number too and turn this into a personals ad? I'm sure you'd get a great response... In fact, I'd be more than happy to have you come over, cook me a rack of lamb, shine my shoes, and do my laundry. Just as long as I never have to see you again...
  • Xx
    Xx wrote:
    Pete DeMola wrote:
    Posted 14 weeks ago
    Any guy willing to devote himself to a woman who won't reciprocate (return his love) has some serious self-esteem issues and should consult a mental health expert.

    what if a girl who devotes herself to a guy who won't return her love at all?
    im really cunfused about this at present.im wondering if it is a self-esteem issue as well.
    in my opinion,love is unconditional,to love someone doens't mean that he has return the love,just like to give a gift doesn't mean to get one as return.however,love is more than a gift.its mutual.i think that i just need to hold on to him,and some day he will feel me there.but as time goes by,i don't know why i was smitten with him.there are no more connection between us.
    i still admire him,i think man should be like him in some point.i don't mind him to date other girls.i wish they are some nice funny girls that would make him happy.because i can't give that pleasure anymore.this is other kind of love.
    its sad but normal.

    "Sometimes a man is so in love with a woman that he wants to be her servant, even if he knows he can never have her"
    maybe he is a very strong man!

    but im not strong enough.i can't afford such love.
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    You write: Why can beautiful women not accept a man as a serv

    because a beatiful woman have a lot of eunuchs very easy, there many men able to crawl by the floor for a little of sex.
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    @Webslave... here's a bit of advice. Sex before you cook for her. Hell, sex before you do anything too nice for her. This establishes a different tone for the relationship so you don't get whipped and used so hard.

    In my experience, relationships that start sexually tend to stay sexual and passionate, whereas friends who later become close because the guy is constantly putting pressure on the girl to date him will eventually fall back into something similar to friendship but where your woman has all the control.
  • ♥Playboy ♥
    Do u all really have time to read all this long long threads ??????
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    thanks Jon.

    dont read it Cute
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    What is the things that you appreciate more? the easy things that you can obtain without efforts, or the things that you obtain after hard work? what you say?

    When you go to a market? what is the things that all people wish? look the prices and you can have a list of them. Try to be expensive, not cheap.

    Conclusion: Before to think in how to attract some woman, think in attract yourself, yeap, learn to love you.

    The important is not love, the important and the most great thing is to be loved for one person, (without buy this, ok, you can not buy the love, only the sex)
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    good point Adolfo but that is not what really is the problem. And still, you shed some new lights into my view about me. It seems to be a wave length problem. See, i love a routined life style but i m always attracted to girls who are constently looking for new things and new experiences. For them, i sure am boring with time. sounds like i m doomed for long term relationships.
  • A豆腐
    A豆腐 wrote:
    i´m sorry, I confused you with humble servant, the author of this post.
    but, trust in me, read the book of Erich Fromm, his style is very clear, in this book you can find somethings about the problem that you said. I don´t like the spoliers :P

    ¨the girls who are constently looking for new things and new experiences¨, also look for the same mood in the men, but ¨new experiences¨ in this kind of men, the kind of adventure, conquer and challenges, is other woman, the pleasure of hunter. So in the end the kind of women are not very happy with a ¨green hat¨ , or with open relationship....
    and then, this kind a women need a oaisis, they need the opositive mood, for take breath, and cure the damage. But in the end nobody can go against the own nature, the character, pain, pain, depression, unhapiness.... So after a time they broke the relation.
    Really this kind of women doesn´t see you, not, they see you with their glasses, the glasses of their egoism, interest, necessities....

    Some options:

    a) accept this, and enjoy of the time together, but with the knowledge of in the end will finish.

    b) try to take off her glasses, let out the egoism. For this way read the book :P

    here you can download the e-book
  • Webslave
    Webslave wrote:
    Wow, Adolfo, thank you so much! I definately will read the book, since i tend to go for the 2nd option you mentioned.

    and yes, i m not the author of this thread, just jumped in because i found similar traits in me and it pisses me a bit how some ppl are nagging at it in a rude way instead of being constructive and respectful. Everyone has his weak sides and ppl shouldnt put more salt onto exposed wonds when some dare to show it openly.

    Anyway, thank you very much for you word and the link. Very thoughtful and kind of you.
  • Humble Servant
    After the first glib and critical replies, a few people think a bit about this. It is
    by no means something simple: it is diamond of crystalised paradox. Of course it takes strength to choose pain, Of course it takes character to choose adoration from afar over abasement and possession.
    I am of course two people. One part of me is a normal guy. I work hard; I am a good and a sincere leader; I try to live a balanced life; I have a nice girlfriend who cares for me. The other part of me, humble servant, is a small part, but a part that is wild with hunger.
    It would be so simple if I were gay or if I were looking for S and M: people can understand these appetites; people would not accuse me of being mad.
    I have a nice girlfriend, and we have a good sex life, but I can’t involve her in this, and she knows very little about it. For me, love and sex are different. When I love a girl, I feel protective toward her. I worry about her, and want her to be safe: she is a family member, and my dependent. My love for her always has the heaviness of worry about providing her future, and this heaviness numbs humble servant’s yearning. I can have nice sex with her, but I can’t get the special feeling of idealistic worship that humble servant is after. For me to get this feeling, it has to be from a woman that is too good for me, a woman would never have sex with me. It is a very romantic deviance: I want to act as a courtly lover for a woman who would never have me. I want to feel the special stings of denial and jealousy, so that I can worship perfect and untouchable beauty.
    Why would a woman consent to this: again, I am not looking for S and M, but something more subtle and more powerful. It is not hard to find a mistress, but I could not worship a mistress, because they all seem too fake. I want to find a natural, normal, good looking woman who will let me fall in love with her, but never touch her. She would do this because she is curious and maybe a bit bored with her life. Maybe it is a woman who needs to rebuild her self esteem. I would take her to dinner, and take her shopping. If she felt safe with me, maybe she would allow me to wash and massage her feet as a reward. I would never expect anything from her, and I would even help her to find a good boyfriend, because we would both know that our time together could only be a short lived dream.
  • Patrick Coleman
    what a pity if i ever find these kind of men im gonna get a bottle of vodka for him! probably give some cash as well!
  • Takeshi
    Takeshi wrote:
    some one likes to do somthing and some one like to be served by other ppl. this is the relationship of Complementary
  • Stanley
    Stanley wrote:
    Humble Servant, I think the relationship you talked about is beautiful and idealistic. It's so hard to find in reality yet subtle as it exits. It may be strange for most people, but I don't think there's any need to consult a mental doctor, because everyone comes to the world for his reason and should has his own lifestyle. In fact, there are more-than-you-can-imagine people in this world who have fetish, eg, foot fetish, male or female. Actually there are lots of business or political leaders who would act as a slave for mistress, it's no strange. It's simply the way they release pressure.

    So man, don't worry. If you post an ad for this, I'm sure someone's gonna respond, though might be pretty tough. Good luck! :P
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    Idealistic, Stanley? I think warped and twisted is more like it.
  • Stanley
    Stanley wrote:
    Idealistic for him...
  • Patrick Coleman
    more than warped & twisted pete, im sure its 100% christian, only christians can do that, i call it STUPIDITY. blind faith, self sacrifice, martyrdom. i wont call it LOVE.
  • 芝芝
    芝芝 wrote:
    that woman must have been occupied with enough servants
  • Humble Servant
    The state of you Peter, to be calling someone else warped and twisted. Groundling.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    What the fuck do know about the state of me? I'm not the one offering myself up as a platonic love slave to women on public internet forums.

    Praise Jesus. And well you're at it. have him bring me a sandwhich. Subway is closed until tomorrow.
  • Åse Marie Strand
    Holy hell. Well, this forum certainly is interesting. First off, let me state to all involved parties that I think that there need to be a level of respect. No one has any right to judge anyone; we all know it takes all kinds. I think that the author has gotten a lot of flack for his post; although we may not agree with or relate to what he is saying, there are all kinds of people in this world and too much condemnation to begin with. So it may be a bit unconventional but let's look at it this way: If I made the statement: "I love anal sex, it's to die for" (this is just an example, not necessarily a reality) some people would think I was disgusting and sick. The DSM (Diagnostics and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorder) originally had homosexuality listed as a mental disorder until social attitudes changed. This is clearly a case of deviant behavior (which requires the label of deviant from society at large). We are only condemning because it isn't the norm. I implore everyone to consider this. Really this persecution is unnecessary and is a form of prejudice in and of itself.

    Stanley - goof for you for recognizing this with your insightful point of view. Peter, I hope you read this and realize that Humble Servant only attacked your personal character out of self-defense. We all need to choose our words better. Not trying to dog on anybody in here and not picking any fights. I am merely speaking from a Clinical and Community psychological perspective.

    To Humble Servant:

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to please your love. I do sense that there is an interesting split in your current relationship. Why not seek out a woman who can fulfill both your ideals? Is it possible for one woman to play both these roles despite your conditions surrounding the dilemma?

    "For me to get this feeling, it has to be from a woman that is too good for me, a woman would never have sex with me. It is a very romantic deviance: I want to act as a courtly lover for a woman who would never have me. I want to feel the special stings of denial and jealousy, so that I can worship perfect and untouchable beauty."

    In my opinion, the only way to achieve your perceived happiness is some type of healthy integration. The gratification you receive from the compromise you are living cannot possibly fulfill you to satisfaction. I know it seems that you are in a quandary, but I believe you can find a way to make things work.

    Also Humble Servant from what you have disclosed about your current relationship in the passages above, I think you must reconsider whether or not you are happy in that relationship and make appropriate changes. This is no easy task and will take commitment and action on your part.
  • Humble Servant
    Peter, I know about the state of you from your photo, the details on your page, and your comments here. Again, the state of you!
  • Humble Servant
    Ourt of curiosity Peter, do you consider gays to be sick and twisted? Probably not, because you have seen them on tv.
  • Humble Servant
    Thank you Laura. I should have read your post before I anwered Peter again,but he really irked me. I have known too many self righteous plebians like him.
    The first part of your post is what I should have said to Peter. During the Victorian age, sexual perversion included any sex engaged in for purposes other than reproduction. At the same time, the doctors of the age produced enormous compendiums cataloging possible sexual deviances. My type of perversity has been around for a long time: Plato, Lancelot, Shakespeare, Joyce, etc. It is an obsession suffered by many idealistic and artistic people. It works through the mechanism of sublimation, whereby sexual energy is redirected from the purpose of reproduction into a mental sphere.
    Why it is so scorned by a certain type of people is a mystery to me, but interestingly the most violent objections I have had in disucssing this topic have not been from rednecks such as Peter but from devout muslims. Is it because this perversity challenges patriarchy? I can certainly see why femenists would object to this perversity, (idealising a woman is a way of objectifying her, and keeping her at a distance) but strangely they never do.
    As for the second part of your post, Laura, you are kind, wise and level headed, and thank you. You have given me food for thought, but I cannot help but feel that complete happiness and fullfilment are not a part of my destiny. I have tried to bring the two threads of my life together before, and it has never worked. My tender love has killed the lust of humble servant, or the object of humble's adoration has gone power mad, and attemepted to bully me in my daily life, not seeing where the line should be drawn.
    As I get older, I see that humble is shrivelling and dying. I hope that he will be gone one day, and good riddance. He has made my life very difficult.
  • Humble Servant
    O Rose thou art sick,
    the invisible worm
    that flies in the night
    in the howling wind
    has found out thy bed
    of secret joy
    and his dark secret love
    does thy life destroy.
  • Miriam Pedersen
    @Humble Servant

    Ever thought of having your own daughter? Sounds to me the relationship you talking about.

    Otherwise, take pride being about.. There is nothing wrong about it. It's a gift.


  • Miriam Pedersen
    Sorry, my iPhone keyboard kills me.

    Wanted say: "Take pride being special."
  • Joakim Berg Solum
    Laura, I respect your opinion that his desires only seem strange because of what we consider normal relationship behavior today. There are so many different fetishes out there that span all of our history. Today homosexuality is fairly well tolerated if not accepted, but centuries ago, homosexual relations between old men and young boys was also quite common in ancient Greece. If I were to seek that form of relationship with a young boy (hell, even a young girl) today, I'd be labeled a pervert and sex offender.

    We are social creatures though and we live in communities of people with common belief systems. Some things used to be tolerated because they are were common (sex with boys in ancient Greece, slavery for example). My point is that society almost completely influences what we believe to be normal and abnormal. Even the definition of normal is something like "conforming with standards in society." I think you alluded to this as well, but your belief is that we should not criticize abnormal behavior because in a different time and place, it may be perfectly acceptable and even common. But my question is, where do you draw the line? What do you consider to be "normal abnormal behavior" vs mentally ill or criminal?

    Clearly, most people's first reaction to Humble's post is "wow, what a freak." It was definitely my first reaction. I don't believe either side is "right" either, but Humble Servant is obviously in the minority. I also think that his particular fetish is pretty harmless too as it is a type of relationship that requires two consenting adults. But what about other fetishes? What about to guy who likes to hide in the bottom of a porta-potty and stare up at girls while they piss and shit on him? Or the guy who photographs women getting dressed through their window? It takes away consent from one side, but it can also be argued that it's fairly harmless too as long as the woman never finds out.

    On another note... it's not too hard to understand the kind of pleasure that Humble Servant is looking for. It's a lot like having a crush... it really does feel good and terrible at the same time, but when you finally get the girl or guy, the feelings change to something different, and you lose the sensation of secretly loving a girl who you aren't sure shares the same feelings. Same reason why some people think the chase is more fun than the relationship and end up becoming players. For me, I tend to associate love with pain. When a girl loves me unconditionally and never does anything to make me upset or jealous, I don't feel the same pangs of emotion that I feel with a girl who causes me some turmoil. My metaphor for this is that it's a lot harder to latch on to a really smooth surface than it rocky one.

    Humble Servant takes it to another level by actually wanting to serve the girl and wanting her to know his intentions. Personally, I don't think it is possible. Any girl who allows this will not care about you at all and will merely use you and as you say end up bullying you. Anyone who actually cares for you will try to change you. BTW, why no Hennessy?
  • Miriam Pedersen
    I really think it's ridiculously funny that everyone (including the thread starter at certain stage) is engaging this topic on a purely sexual level, whereas sex is not even mentioned as part of his dilemma.

    I still think he should get married and get to experience the beauty of a father-daughter relationship.
  • Humble Servant
    Hi Humphrey, your first point is good. I am talking about a paradoxical sexualisation of chastity and abstinence. The sexual feeling grows stronger and stronger because no release is permitted. This creates a seemingly mystical intensity that no sausage eating groundling could dream of. So, while this is not about sex, it is about sexiness.

    As for your second point, again you are probably right. As I get older, humble servant is losing his power over me. Humble servant is only a contrary component of the more complete being that I am.

    Finally, I put a lot of this down to my having too much time on my hands over Chun Jie.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    Laura Lemire wrote,

    " Peter, I hope you read this and realize that Humble Servant only attacked your personal character out of self-defense."

    Of course.

    HS , it sounds to me like you just need a puppy.
  • Humble Servant
    "I think warped and twisted is more like it." Have you back off from this position then Peter, in caliming that a puppy could cure all my ills.
    It seems to me that you just need a mirror.
  • Humble Servant
    When sexuality is engaged in goals other than procreation, it can have a powerful and insiduous effect on our lives. Psychologists recognise two primary channels for the redirection of sexual energy: sublimation and repression. Sublimation leads to idealisation of another (masochism) and repression leads to objectification of another (sadism). When I was younger, I was a libertarian, and I believed that all people should be free to explore their sexual desires, in order that they may better understand themselves.
    Now, however, I see that one half of perversity is very dangerous. I want to place a woman on a pedestal, that is sick and twisted, sure. I want to wallow in the tantalising charges of denial and jealousy: that is not so good for my mundane life.
    I feel that I am lucky though that my hidden hunger is not to hurt others, to rape and kill. Search around the internet a bit, and you will see that the sadistic urges are not so rare as we might hope, in fact, it might be argued that the sadistic urges are nothing other than unfettered male sexual energy.
    My sexual deviance is a way of overturning, and entinguishing the sadism that is part and parcel of my masculine sexuality. humble servant is a slayer of dragons.

    Sadism is fascism. Masochism is the escape from the identities which are imposed upon us, which make us become what we are not.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    Nah, I'm not backing off from my previously stated position, especially in the face of such disturbing statements as, "I want to wallow in the tantalising charges of denial and jealousy...". I am justing suggesting being a pet owner could give you the same gratification and be a lot more healthy.
  • Humble Servant
    Disturbing is your profile pic. One eye looking at you, and the other eye looking for you.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:
    Thanks! It's my passport pic. At least I'm secure enough not to hide behind a fake name and an avatar.
  • Humble Servant
    So what were you in for?
  • Roki
    Roki wrote:
    I truth you Yes Sir , you can
  • Black Boy In The Building Tonight
    Choice were making
  • Åse Marie Strand
    @ Jon:

    The interesting thing about society is that we categorize people into these groups and sometimes we find them deviant. When a deviation from the norm becomes a public problem (hurts others, violates the rights of others, etc), it becomes a social problem and that is when social control comes into play. I agree with what you are saying because you are supporting my point.

    @ Humble Servant

    If integration is impossible, then quelling Humble Servant's presence might be a good idea. However, I would suggest not being too prudent about the affair and giving Humble Servant some satisfaction before hand. Balance is important.
  • Humble Servant
    Laura, I think you are right, but I am weary of working this balance, and so I am plotting humble's catharsis.
  • Åse Marie Strand
    In that case, my advice is to take care to ensure that there are not unforeseen consequences to the action of "killing" that part of yourself.

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