Discussion » Nonsense » how many boys agree...

  • Sheryl Zhong
    Sheryl Zhong wrote:

    I've always wondered...how many guys hold this opinion that it is OK for a woman to stay at home and take care of children if she earns less money than the guy.

    OR would you say it's NATURAL for the woman to be the carer and the guy to be the breadwinner??

    Be honest, it won't offend me

  • Winnie
    Winnie wrote:

    i think it really depends on the girl. if she is a family person and WANTS to do so, it'd be good for the family.

    also, if her husband makes enough to support the family. do so if she is up for it too.

    but it's never right to do it against the woman's will.

    i cant do it. staying home all the time drives me nuts. who knows, maybe i'll feel different when i have babies(two prefered:))

  • 柯威
    柯威 wrote:

    its really hard to say.  i consider myself pretty nurturing and domesticated (whatever than means).  i think i wouldnt care whether the woman or myself stayed home with the baby.  the thing is that a woman is going to be much more attached to a baby once it is born.  she has carried it for 9 months and has sacrificed very much, so i would assume there would be a natural inclination to want to continue caring for that child.  that is something a man will never know.  but part of love is sacrifice and in that regards, a mother has loved her child more since inception than a father could, eventhough a father's love can grow to match that mother's love.  

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    Being Shanghai root, my family is fairly male dominant, though not quite the macho type ... however, growing up with my mum playing the role of both parents (father died when I was 9), and two of her sisters are successful in their own right, one in TV industry in HK (TVB then Cable TV) and one in the hotel chains in APAC (Mandarin, Marriott, and now Landon) ... I have seen too many domesticated male in the family, and I have to say, I am OK with that

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    With only two responses, would it be too soon to say "good to know"?

    For personal reason, I cannot help but wonder what does the local (Chinese) guys think about this topic? I am referring mainly to guys who had not lived or studied overseas ...


  • Shane
    Shane wrote:

    It depends on what kind of housewife you are talking about.

    The U.S. housewife is a totally different situation than Chinese.

    a) more kids

    b) house is much bigger

    c) Since the service industry is much more expensive, the wives duties are much more (I.E. you can't find a house cleaner for 20 RMB an hour)

    You gotta do what is right for your family, and your situation. I feel a lot of the upper-class housewives over here could do a lot more with their free-time, I.E. volunteering at their kids school, or helping the poor, etc.

  • Turkmenbaschi
    Turkmenbaschi wrote:

    its biologicall that a women has the stronger bond to the child than the man.

    I am jealous about that. Women at home man at work. but it has not to be 100% vs 0% 70 vs 30 is a good deal

  • Tian 王倚天

    Wouldn't Women rather stay at home and take care of their children instead paying someone else to do it, or letting their husband do so?

    I would believe that the mother would want to establish the bond with the infant at those crucial years. I don't think my wife(if i had one) would not fully trust me taking care of her child..just on the bias that I am a Man.

    I don't have a problem with the Woman earning more than me, but as soon as she uses that against me there's going to be problems.

  • Turkmenbaschi
    Turkmenbaschi wrote:

    I am jealous that my children will have a stronger bond to her mother than to me.

    When there are children its obvious that the mother is the bigger part at home.

  • Ejdnzlaj
    Ejdnzlaj wrote:

    My parents were both always almost equal earners in out house hold (my mother actually earns slightly more) and I am, to the best of my knwoledge, a mentally and socially healthy person. So I'm pretty sure that it is totally possible to even possibly do the opposite and have the father stay at home and raise the children.

  • Candy Q
    Candy Q wrote:

    If the couple don't make enough money or the woman is not willing to give up everything for the child, they should never make one, the responsbility is more than what they can take.

    It's all about how the couple deal with this huge responsibility. So if they are not ready they should never rush or use no protection.

    A woman who has a three-year-old told me that the child raised by mom is definitly better than the ones raised by grandmas or nannies.

    But if there's no children. Many girls deserve to have her own career and her right to decide to give it up or not later. I think there are women that can take care of a baby and a job at the same time, but never a career.



  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    Being in that age group ... may I recommend "Mr Mom" starring Michael Keaton.

  • Peter S 李贝勒
    just want to ask u, girls and ladies? just an example : what happen if after 10 years of wedding, ur husband cheat u, he fed up, and u too, the situation at home become really impossible to live... so when u married 10 years before, u had a sunshine in your head, but now... it s really cloudy and dark... U spend 9 years to bring the child, he have the money and the control... u think that living 30 years more like that will be as living in Hell! so, if u forgot Ur carrier U have many chance to be really in hell... if have ur carrier, u can be independent more easily, cause u earn ur own salary... money in this society is equal to freedom...
  • Sophie
    Sophie wrote:

    guess western  guys will mostly hold the opinion that we both should be independent for earning money.

     but after having a baby,housework,if man can't share that with wife, they should think a balance way to continue normal life.    like wife change a job  more free  or the guy ..

    i am holding the view we both should make a living.with life going on, lovers will find a way to deal with complicated situations like raising a baby . 

     love is love. anything else just deal with it together.

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:
    so inconvinient to input via mobile, will answer your question tonight, Sheryl. btw, i finally get out of the "swamp" now, haha
  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    About "divorce" ...

    It's not a big secret that most of my online chat-mates are young girls, mostly "post-80" and two of them in particular had expressed concerns about "relationship". They are both gorgeous and intelligent, and hope to meet the right guy and get married soon. The fact is that some of their friends who had married college sweet hearts, have divorced after getting married for maybe one or two years. So they have got a "phobia" about meeting the wrong person ...

    For some reason, a lot of them (in their 20's) believe that all the work is done BEFORE marriage, and once they are married, everyone would live happily ever after by default ... but when they hit a problem, even if it might be the smallest thing, they believed they have chosen the wrong person, and instead of sitting down to resolve or work around it, they chose to back away and opted for "divorce".

    In my opinion ... marriage is like "managing a business", and it needs both parties to "invest" (time, care, sacrifice etc) ... there is no guarantee that one will "make profit" from this business, but it is guaranteed to fail if no one (or only one side) invest anything ...

    So ... accepting the equalness and sharing responsibility in a marriage is just the beginning ... there are far more work to do along the path ...


    afraid of getting into a relationship that might end up in marriage

    future that their ex-school-mates are

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    I'm currently attending some boring internal trainings, so...I'm so glad that I can find Wifi hot spot in the training room, haha. But it's so hard to input, even my mobile got a QWERTY keyboard.

    Who's Kent?

    Wish you could smash your workload and stress with ease.


    Now your question. Of course it's NOT NATURAL. Why women must stay at home, nurture baby and do most of the housework? Is there any phyisiological basis leading to a fixed norm of gender determined labor division? Maybe the only sustentive fact is that it is women who got pregnant, go through a 10 months gestation period, have bulged breast to feed the infants----but it's still only 1or 2 years time for all of those tough time combined. What else? NO.

    However, I'm not saying that it's not good for the widely existed norm of women being the carer and men being the breadwinner. As mentioned by Shane, housework is a tough work too, we cannot simply devaluate it. Such kind of families widely exist, and lots of the marriages of the couples are firm and amicable.

    Still I'd like to go a little further: the situation in nowdays China. Contrary to Shane's description, most Chinese young couples living in urban areas only have/will have 1 or at most 2 children, dwell in a smaller apartment, and be able to pay for house cleaner. So, there is actually not so much housework to do, or at least housework in China can not be qualified as an "tough work" like a average paid job. The situation is: at one hand, some Chinese guys got inclination that their girl/wife had better stay at home doing housework, at the other hand, lots of Chinese girls actively choose not to work. The crucial point is, what's their intention of making such choices? For guys, to help their girls avoid toughness of highly competetive job market? to avoid any kind of boring housework? or to consider there girls their private belongings that should be restrant at home? For girls, so much housework to do, so they just choose to undertake it? or they just enjoy the feeling of doing almost nothing but consuming?

    I have no intention to make any judgement as every people got their prefered ways of living. What I believe is, rights and duties are always brothers. All rights are earned by fulfillment of duties, and any rights that are not fostered by fulfillment of duties are not earned, but actually granted by others. And as they are granted, they are not in your hand, or not "safe", which means you could lost them so easily once the granter decide to deprive them from you.

    The way of duties fulfillment could be diverse. As I mentioned before, doing housework could not be easy, and it's a kind of duty fulfillment indeed. My opinion is, it's really not important that what the wife/husband actually do, but how each of them consider their role in family relationship, an equal responsibility sharer or a granter/subordinator. As to practical level, considering the extent of superficiality and cynicism in nowdays society of China, I suggest all Chinese girls at least being able to earn your bread. Have your husband as the total breadwinner is ok, but always remember the importance of a independent personality and self-esteem.

  • Peter S 李贝勒
    Sheryl hehe, it s not my situation. just see that many times. For myself, a girl who is staying at home make me lose my interest for her, she should be active, clever and having a social position who s not "i m the wife of mr "... and about the house, and children, all the tasks should be share equally...
  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    Yeah, Pierre. For myself, a intellectual, independent and aspiring lady will attract me much more for sure. I'd like to share housework with my wife, but I wish we could consider it delight of life, but not some kind of burden.

  • Alex ^∞
    Alex ^∞ wrote:

    A fair contribution to the family group is all that is required from its members. 

    I dont think it matters (man/woman) who is at home and who is working a job.  I think that if the situation is such that for one reason or another one person has to be at home (to care for a child or maintain the home) and one person has to work, then the consideration should simply be how much can be gained / contributed from one or the other taking on each role. 

    Like Pierre said, in this world money and freedom are directly proprtional so I take the line that whoever is capable of earning more money for the family group should be the one doing so - that isnt to say that earning money is more difficult or involves more hard work than being at home.  Another consideration should be how much enjoyment the individual derives from each role (this comes under the gains associated with each role)

    The problem tends to be that many people who end up staying at home lack simulation, thus lack motivation and as a result can be less active and achieve less...to put it simply, they dont "get out enough" and get bored.

  • Fn Scotsman
    Fn Scotsman wrote:
    I think it has all been said already, but I believe it all comes down to the two people in question and their situation. Alex put it pretty well. As long as both partners are making what they feel is an equal contribution, and are happy, then it doesn't really matter who does or doesn't work and who stays at home. Many modern couples want both members to keep their careers and will accept that this means having to rely on nannies or family members. Other couples will want one parent to be at home to nurture the child and form a stronger bond. The important thing is that neither parent feels forced into taking on a role or responsibility that they don't want or are not ready for. Healthy relationship should be full of healthy discussion about these things well before a baby is on the way.
  • NN
    NN wrote:

    Actually I think it depends on,if the husband thinks it is fine that wife does not need to work to earn money or just little bit money she can make,and what she has to do is take care of the babies,the whole family,and wife accepts it,all right,they both agree each other.

    If the wife is just too independent to go on working or work hard to earn more money,and meantime,take very good care of the family,it would sound very fantastic,but I think this situation is just happening in few families,few ladies,not so many ladies can handle them and keep them balancing

    It is really so hard to say OK or NATURAL,just depends on how and what do the couple think of it and handle it

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