Discussion » Nonsense » live alone or marriage?

  • Reyes
    Reyes wrote:

    I'm just wondering this. Human beings... Which is the best model in your life? Live alone or marriage? Which one is your choice?

    Live alone--- more freedom, just have the responsibility to yourself

    Marriage--- More responsibility. But you will never feel lonely.

  • Janet Peng
    Janet Peng wrote:

    Second one

    I cant live alone forever

    Or we cant live alone forever. U know, human are social animals.

  • Man TianFei
    Man TianFei wrote:
    i like togather with someone, like hug like that sweet ,even because the love ,have pain. the marriage,i have no confidence.
  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:

    Who says you have to get married to escape living alone? And furthermore, who says married people are never lonely? I've known plenty of lonely married people.

  • Winnie
    Winnie wrote:

    since im not a loner, i choose to marriage (only with a right one)....

    Anyone out there that would love to be unmarried all life?

  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:


     Look Winnie, to answer your question, yes I would love to be unmarried all my life. Marriage is an unrealistic concept. You simply can't promise to love someone forever. People change, and you don't know where your heart (or his/hers) will be in 10 years time.

     I've had realtionships. Hell...I've had children. But I've never fallen for the marriage thing. Sure it's nice to live with someone and share your life with them. But  that is a day to day thing...not something that should be promised forever.




  • Reyes
    Reyes wrote:

    Thanks all. Maybe there is no right answer to this topic.

  • Böbý (dragged Soul)

    i  think marriage is a beautiful concept  but only in that case if u  love each other  yeh mr peter is right u can,t love  through out ur  life but u know there  are other steps in marriage  frist u love ur wife means love each other at least   one year  u do that but then there is others to who u love  more then ur wife its ur lil cute ur children  then  go on ..... ur love chnges directions  u know when ui get older  then there is no love  b/t  husband  and wife but its a relation of  care and understanding  ...... that time no ones understand but only one  who spend all  life with u   even not ur chidren  ,...... i think  if u love u marry  yeh there are some  bad times too but its okie ........................ i m not totally disagree with u  some how u also right ..../

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    I don't think marriage is an unrealistic concept.

    Believe it or not, some people actually do meet someone with whom they'd like to spend the rest of their lives with in a monogamous relationship.

    Above all, marriage signifies a sense of spiritual kinship: something that doesn't come with longterm cohabitation.

    Beyond all this jabber about love and such, don't forget about the economic and societal benefits of marriage: health insurance, child custody rights, tax breaks, Social Security benefits (USA), survivor benefits, next-of-kin status, inheritance rights.

    Green cards.

    None of that is possible without marriage.

    Carry on.

  • Hanqi
    Hanqi wrote:

    Of cause marriage! Spend rest of your life with someone you love and care is the most precious thing...

  • Reyes
    Reyes wrote:

    Pete DeMola

    I totally agree with your opinion.  

    But live in Beijing or some other big cities, you will feel huge pressure.  Especially we donn't have so much trust to each other. Sometimes people just want to stay alont. Because they thought it is the way to be relax. And some of them just used to be alone. They thought it is the only way to feel better.

    But not so much people can endure lonely feelings. So the problem comes out.

    BTW, in my opinion, Love and marriage are not the same thing. Today, Many people want to spend the rest of their lives with the one who loves  them most or the one whom they love most. But life is realistic. Maybe we can not find the one. But we sitll will be marriage. Maybe we will find out that, after we married, we will fall in love with wife or husband. Because through the marriage, you will find out realistic life is more beautiful than romantic love.

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with living with someone without getting married. My point was that there are many aspects of marriage that can't be replicated without that marriage certificate.

  • Pete DeMola
    Pete DeMola wrote:

    I didn't say that (see above where I discussed spiritual kinship).

  • Winnie
    Winnie wrote:

    Peter, i was talking in a more practical way....

    marriage has nothing to do with promises. i dont believe in promises. Never did even before my first relationship. But i do believe there is love that lasts for a lifetime. but nobody can fortell. So it really has nothing to do with promises. i personally would not think a diomand ring is necessary for marriage. maybe crystal ones do better. Marriage/relationship is something that we all need to put effort into and take care of. it's not diomand! it's not unbreakable. It's pretty, like crystal, and vulnerable sometimes as it too. I think diomand rings are really for people that get fooled by marketing stragies!

    As marriage here, i think it's more of a concept of being with someone on a daily basis, a stable relationship with commitment. While being single is a concept of in drift( well, temporarily it's a good thing. but not always)

  • Vanessa
    Vanessa wrote:

    the second one

  • Peter Baird
    Peter Baird wrote:

     At the same time Sheryl, I have known couples who have lived together for 20 years and don't love each other at all. They remain together out of habbit, convenience, for the sake of the children or some other reason.

     I agree with Pete that there are some things you just can't get without that certificate, but in my mind that reflects a bias against unmarried couples. What makes my relationship (hypotheticaly speaking) of say, 10 years less valid than that of a married couple?

  • 佐

    wo de ying wen bu shi hen hao ,suo yi wo  yong mu yu can jia tao lun ,mei ban fa quan TM de shi ying wen zi mu ,wo xiang le xia wo men wei da de mu yu qi shi bu cuo .

    ru guo yao wo xuan de hua wo geng xi huan di 2 ge xuan zhe   ,na me sui zhe shi dai de jin bu ,wo xiang gen duo de ren shi xi guan jie hun hou guo zhe dan shen de sheng huo ,zhe jiang cheng wei xiao zi jie ceng jue dui de zhu liu , xie xie ,shuo wan le ,shuo shi hua wo kan le yi bian zi ji xie de zhen mei TMde kan dong wo zai shuo shen me .he he

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    Marriage? What is a MARRIAGE?

    MW's definition: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex(same sex) as husband or wife in a consensual and CONTRACTUAL relationship recognized by LAW.

    现代汉语词典(Dictionary of Modern Chinese): 1, 婚姻: 因结婚而产生的夫妻关系. 2, 结婚: 男子和女子经过合法手续结合成为夫妻.

    So, before we expand our discussion, we had to admit that Marriage is totally different from the state of two people unit together on the basis of deep affection. It's not a inborn attributes of human being, but a acquired, socialized, artificial concept.

    And the question is why this acquired concept is made out? what's the difference between an "official" marriage and a state of two people live together on the basis of affection? Two possible answers should be:

    1) insecurity: one of the most important human nature. Most people like the word "eternity" and hate any kinds of "uncertainty", but at the same time, admit or not, most people clearly understand that the only eternal thing in the world is uncertainty. Certain things do exist, but never exist before they are actually happend, and it is just a state of uncertainty. This contradict, the contradict between nature of world and wish of people, leads us to have created so many tools in order to "ensure" something. eg. all kind of contracts, kinds of collateralizations, FX swaps, and......"official marriage" with certificate issued by government/church and "protected" by kinds of funny laws. One question is why people do not just ensure something by "promises"? it's not because people are so cynical that no one believe promises, it's because that we clearly know that we are only ABLE to make wishes, but UNABLE to make any promises.

    2) governmental preference: maybe the most stable structure of a society is that the society is consist of stable monogamous marrital relationships. In fact, the governments created the concept of marriage, as well as kinds of marriage law. that's why bias against unmarried and "un-officially married" couple are sort of universial; that's why divorce is always troublesome in most of the countries. No marriage law is set for maintain affection between people, though some legislators do say so, but set for creat benefit of getting married, and making burdens of divorce.

    So, if the question turns to be: live alone or try to find someone, I'll absolutely choose the second one. but if the question keeps unchange, I refuse to anwser.

    There are someone who spend rest of their lives with someone they love and care, but this is nothing to do with whether they are married or not. There are someone who got married and never divorced for all their lives, but this is nothing to do with whether they are happy or not.

    Sheryl, very good points!

  • Da Fan
    Da Fan wrote:

    Very comprehensive, you've almost listed the whole permutation :)

  • 叮噹叔叔 (令狐叮噹)


    I agree with Peter ... the discussion is a fallacy by default, hence invalid ... however, have said that, in my opinion, whichever one goes for, it is just a life style.

    One particular story I will always remember, is a Hong Kong girl named Lulu. She was living with her BF for (maybe?) 6 years, got married, then divorced after something like 2 years. As an outsider, I did not see any difference between living together and getting married, other than a piece of paper.

    In mid 2001, the doctor found a brain tumor in my head, and the tumor was removed ... however, since most men in my family has short life span, I did at one stage decide not to get married, so I wont destroy anyone's life. My mother did not agree, but she said nothing because she herself had been a widow for 30+ years while raising two kids.

    In general, whichever life style you have chosen, marriage, single, becoming a monk, you are responsible for your own choice ... I have chosen marriage in July 2003, and have not regreted once.

  • DLoya
    DLoya wrote:

    I think I want to marry one day. First I need to meet someone who will return my feelings. Time will tell I suppose :)

    I think that the idea of marriage is great and the only reason people are pressured into getting married is because it is a norm within society and also families want their children to receive good benefits.

    The most trying part of getting married is learning to give and take. Marriage is about compromise if you are not willing to accept your partner for who they are or change yourself to better the marriage then it will not last to long or it will just be a nightmare.

    Anothering big thing in marriage is communication. If you cannot express yourselves to eachother then it will be a failure from the start. The worst thing you can probably do is stay in an unhappy marriage and lead your spouse to believe it is okay when it really is not.

  • Tom Fang
    Tom Fang wrote:

    don't you guys had enough about the topic.

  • 爱谁谁
    爱谁谁 wrote:

    这个困扰人半生的问题 。。。我相信没人能把另一观点的人说服

  • Janet Peng
    Janet Peng wrote:
  • Elizaveda
    Elizaveda wrote:

    Do the right thing in the right time with the right one !

    That's all follow ur  fate!

    For me now,single as God!

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