WLIB: 2, Death: 0

Posted by Pete DeMola on 18. May 2010

SHUNYI, BEIJING, MAY 18 - Many of you have probably noticed that this website has been inactive lately. Or at least inactive in the sense of administrator activity.

We're sure that all of you have been keeping busy.

Wink wink, you horny bastards.

We've had none of our customary WLIB parties, no new blog posts, editorial updates or newsletters; no new marketing and recruitment campaigns, prize giveaways, platform upgrades or even the steady machine gun fire of snide, staff-initiated commentary on the forum, where we usually delight in drawing swords with some of the more invidious members of this community.

There has also been very little evidence of the million-plus other things that we do each day, much of which remains invisible, to ensure the ongoing functioning, growth and success of this website.

Why?

Because Death is stalking us.

But he won't bring us down.

It all started on a mid-April evening when one of us got beat to a pulp with an iron pole in a Gongti-area car park by a gaggle of gangsters with low self-esteem.

He's okay.

And then on Thurs, Apr 29, another one of us -- after one side of our body gradually grew numb over a few weeks and various nerves and synapses began to snap and break -- took a midnight trip to the Emergency Room, where we learned that we had a brain embolism.

Ping!

Note: If a blood vessel bursts in a brain and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

These things should not happen when you are 27-years-old.

He is currently recovering back home in his native country. (Wait, come to think of it, we haven't heard from you in a week. Just leave a comment below if you're not dead. If you are dead, we will try and find a solution at the next Monday meeting.)

But that's not exciting enough.

On Tues, May 11, I was rushed to the hospital with acute liver failure.

These things should not happen when you are 27-years-old.

Believe it or not (those who know me personally would opt for the latter), it was not as a result of my rock star lifestyle or a blatant disregard for the convention of staying alive, but rather from a benign, innocuous and easily-preventable pharmaceutical fuck-up

After a battery of tests (some necessary, others shots in the dark), communication mishaps, rides in rickety and superannuated ambulances (see image above), numerous vials of blood drawn, fighting for doctoral attention with a girl with a pussy problem, and a flotilla of other zany issues that come with having a life-threatening experience in China, a medical team put my chance at surviving through the night at 50%.

"Call your parents and embassy," they told my buddies as they strapped me to machines. "They may need to get here immediately."

"This is nice," I thought as I drifted in and out of consciousness as my organs began shutting down.

"But if it's likely that I will die tomorrow, I may as unstrap myself from this stretcher and self-destruct on my own terms in a blow-out trifecta of sex, drugs and motherfuckin' rock and roll.

The metaphysical coin toss was successful, apparently.

I'm getting okay (not dead), which may or may not make some of you very happy.

While currently weak, listless and still very, very sick, I should be wandering around the hospital soon enough, causing trouble and pinching nurse's asses.

Note: Should any female member of the WLIB community believe that the harassment of medical professionals is unacceptable behavior, please report to my room immediately to help expediate the recovery process.

Thank you.

I'll be here for another two weeks, grudgingly getting used to eating strange items called "fruits" and "vegetables" alongside an ongoing regimen of medicinal treatment, bed rest and a long and winding road of post-recovery maintenance, including the abstinence of most things that make life worth living.

Thanks for your patience, dear WLIB community.

Our team should be running at full-blast by sometime next month, bringing you more of the fun and exciting stuff that you've come to expect from us -- from kick ass outdoor parties with chicks and dicks and whiskey to insightful editorial content to platform upgrades (chat function, personal blogs, enhanced profile options) to the launch of online communities in more cities across the country, from Chengdu to Shanghai.

Thank you to my friends and colleagues for saving my life last week -- I probably wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for your quick thinking and savvy: I owe all of you a nutritious, low calorie soy milk smoothie.

Thanks to my parents for their support, both emotional and financial.

And thanks to all of those who have since come to visit me, bearing gifts and kind sentiments.

You know who you are.

And thanks to the staff at the Dongcheng Army, China-Japan Friendship, 307 Military and Beijing Ditan Hospitals for their consummate professionalism and care.

Oh, and Death, fuck you. We'll be waiting for you with iron poles, you stupid fuck.

Image: Ambulance fun on Wed, May 12; courtesy of Kent Loset.




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